CONUNDRUMS 

1 

GATHERED  AND  ARRANGED  S S 

S S S S BY  SARAH  J.  CUHER. 

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Conundrums,  Riddles, 

Puzzles  and  Games 


GATHERED  AND  ARRANGED  BY 

SARAH  J.  CUTTER. 


Thackery  says  that  “a  good  laugh 
is  sunshine  in  the  house.’' 


THIRTEENTH  THOUSAND.— REVISED  AND  ENLARGED  EDITION. 


PUBLISHED  BY 

rlAUSAUER  & SON,  BUFEALO,  N.  Y. 
1902. 


Copyright,  1894  and  1896, 
BY  SARAH  J.  CUTTER. 


CONTENTS- 


Over  one  thousand  (1000)  Conundrums,  which  are  a selection  of 
Biblical,  Poetical,  on  Flowers,  Geo.  Washington,  Authors  and  General 
Conundrums. 


PAGE. 

General  Conundrums 1-46 

Riddles 47-55 

Poetical 47-51 

Out  of  the  Past 52 

Fish  Pond 53 

Flowers  and  Shrubs 54 

: Authors 56 

Jj,  Military 57 

■ Geo.  Washington 59 

r Puzzles 60-61 

Bewitched  Eggs 60 

A Poultry  Problem 61 

. 

; j - GAMES. 

: Scripture  Cake 62 

Conundrum  Entertainment 62 

Conundrum  Salad 62 

^ Conundrum  Supper — Menu 63 

Art  Soiree 64 

^ Character  Guessing 65 

. Dumb  Crambo 66 

aV.  Proverbs 66 

, Topics 67 

Palmistry 68 


Telegrams 6^ 

Hollo  ween  Parties 70 

Thanksgiving  Daye  Frolick 71 

A Riley  Entertainment 72 

Fortune-Telling  Doll 73 

Musical  Whist 74 

Fagot  Party 75 

Song  Soiree 75 

Progressive  Needles 75 

A Peanut  Party 76 

A Penny  Entertainment 76 

Silhouettes 77 

Riddle  on  Thoughts 77 

Floral  Salad 78 

Floral  Parties 78 

Floral  Game 80 

Fortunes  of  Players 81 

Anagrams 81 

Story  in  Anagrams 82 

Chronograms 83 

A Circulating  Libraiy  Party.... 83 

An  Old  Mother  Goose  Progressive  Euchre  Party 85 

Famous  Numbers 85 

Six  Original  Forfeits  for  a Part}^ 86 

Concert  Comical 86 

A Surjjrise  Game 86 

Game  of  Quotations 87 

Hoiu|uet  Game 88 

The  Curtailed  Pig 88 

A Quotation  Menu 81) 

A Winter  Tour  Tln-ongh  the  United  Slates 00 

An  Autumn  Social 03 

An  Autumn  Pienie 01- 


Tally-Ho  Bezique 95 

Recipes  for  Trouble 96 

Teacup  Science 97 

Geographical  Reception 98 

Conundrums  on  Authors 99 

Shadow  Pictures 99 

A Father’s  Advice 100 

A Progressive  Bicycle  Picnic 101 

An  Auction  Sale 103 

How  to  Tell  One’s  Age 104 

Enigma 105 

Sorcery 106 

Eatable  Candle-Ends 106 

The  Diviner 106 


GeNeRAt;  CONONDHOiVlS. 


The  conundrum  is  one  of  the  most  favored  forms  of  amusement  for  the 
social  circle;  the  answer  to  this  style  of  riddle  generally  contains  a pun, 
and  the  merriment  occasioned  can  be  better  imagined  than  described. 

What  is  that  every  one  thinks  of  in  telling  a riddle,  and  every  one  thinks 
of  on  hearing  it  ? Ans. — The  answer. 

Why  is  a shoe-black  like  an  editor?  Ans. — Because  he  polishes  the 
understanding  of  his  patrons. 

How  can  a man  make  his  money  go  a long  waj^  ? Ans. — By  contributing 
to  foreign  missions. 

During  the  month  of  heavy  showers,  how  has  the  umbrella  been  per- 
sistently bluffing  the  game?  Ans.^ — It  has  been  “ put  up  or  .shut  up  with 
it  all  the  while. 

Why  is  a young  man  visiting  his  sweetheart  like  the  growth  of  a suc- 
cessful newspaper  ? Ans.— His  visits  eommenced  on  a weekly,  grew  to  be 
tri-weekly,  and  then  become  dail3%  with  a Sunday  supplement. 

What  did  Job’s  wardrobe  consist  of?  Ans. — Three  wretched  com- 
forters. 

How  does  the  postage-stamp  have  the  advantage  of  the  small  boy? 
Ans. — It  can  never  be  licked  but  once. 

Who  handles  more  letters  in  a da^^  than  one  of  Uncle  Sam’s  post- 
emplo^^ees  ? Ans. — A typesetter. 

Which  do  you  consider  the  greatest  miraele  mentioned  in  the  Bible  ? 
Ans. — Where  a mustard  seed  sprung  up  and  waxed  a great  tree. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a eoat  and  a coat  of  paint?  Ans. — A 
coat  of  paint  has  no  buttons  on  it. 

When  is  a cigar  like  dried  beef?  Ans. — When  it  Is  smoked. 

Which  are  the  two  smallest  things  mentioned  In  the  Bible  ? Ans. — The 
widow’s  mite,  and  the  wicked  flee. 

In  the  year  1894. — If  all  the  Presidents  of  the  United  States  were  to 
stand  in  a row,  how  far  would  they  reaeh?  Ans. — From  Washington  to 
Cleveland. 


2 


CONUNDRUMS. 


When  the  new  Postmaster-General  takes  possession  of  his  office, — how 
many  stamps  will  be  given  at  the  post-office  for  a cent  and  a quarter? 
Ans. — A cent  and  a quarter  is  twenty-six  cents,  therefore  you  would  have 
thirteen  two-cent  stamps. 

Who  first  introduced  salt  meat  into  the  navy?  Ans. — Noah,  when  he 
took  Ham  into  the  ark. 

What  evidence  have  we  that  Adam  used  sugar  ? Ans. — Because  he 
raised  Cain. 

What  is  there  remarkable  about  a yard-stick  ? Ans. — Though  it  has  no 
head  or  tail,  it  has  a foot  at  each  end  and  one  in  the  middle. 

What  is  the  difference  between  truth  and  eggs  ? Ans. — Truth  crushed  to 
the  earth  will  rise  again,  eggs  won’t. 

What  is  financial  circles  ? Ans. — Silver  dollars. 

Why  does  the  air  seem  fresher  in  winter  than  it  does  in  summer  ? Ans. — 
Because  it’s  kept  on  ice  most  of  the  time. 

Why  are  fish  well  educated?  Ans. — They  have  a taste  for  going  in 
schools. 

Why  does  a pig  eat  ? Ans. — To  make  a hog  of  himself. 

Why  is  a cyclone  like  a waiter  ? Ans. — It  carries  everything  before  it. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  Prince  of  Wales  and  a bombshell  ? 
Ans. — One  is  heir  to  the  throne,  and  the  other  is  thrown  to  the  air. 

Why  is  the  North  Pole  like  an  illicit  whisky  manufactory  ? Ans. — It  is 
a secret  still. 

What  is  it  used  at  luncheons  that  the  government  accumulates  in  the 
treasur}^  ? Ans. — Bouillon. 

Why  is  the  letter  S like  thunder?  Ans. — It  makes  our  cream  sour  cream. 

Why  is  a door  in  the  potential  mood?  Ans. — It’s  would  (wood)  or 
should  be. 

Why  is  a tin  can  tied  to  a dog’s  tail  like  death?  Ans. — Because  it’s 
bound  to  a cur,  (occur). 

What  makes  the  waves  so  wild?  Ans. — It  is  having  the  wind  blow 
them  up. 

Why  arc  records  brittle  things  ? Ans. — Because  they  cannot  be  lowered 
without  breaking. 


CONUNDRUMS.  3 

What  was  the  name  of  the  dog  mentioned  in  the  Bible  ? Ans. — More- 
over, Luke  XXI.,  21.  Moreover,  the  dog,  came  and  licked  his  sores. 

Why  is  the  emblem  of  the  United  States  more  enduring  than  that  of 
France,  England,  Ireland,  or  Scotland  ? Ans. — 

’ The  Lily  maty  fade  and  its  leaves  decay. 

The  Rose  from  its  stem  may  sever. 

The  Shamrock  and  Thistle  may  pass  away, 

But  the  Stars  will  shine  forever. 

Why  is  it  dangerous  to  keep  a clock  at  the  head  of  a pair  of  stairs  ? 
Ans. — Because  it  sometimes  runs  down. 

Why  should  architects  make  good  actors  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  fine 
at  drawing  houses. 

In  what  respect  is  matrimony  a game  of  cards  ? Ans. — Why,  a woman 
has  a heart,  a man  takes  it  with  a diamond,  and  after  that  her  hand  is  his. 

Why  are  hogs  like  trees  ? Ans. — Because  they  root  for  a living. 

Why  is  a villain  exposed  like  a tallow  candle  ? Ans. — Because  his  wicked 
works  are  brought  to  light. 

Why  is  a plumber  like  a pelican  ? Ans. — On  account  of  the  size  of  his 
bill. 

Why  are  fixed  stars  like  wicked  old  men?  Ans. — Because  they  sin  till 
late  (scintillate). 

What  word  of  six  letters  contains  six  words  besides  itself,  without 
transposing  a letter?  Ans. — Herein — he,  her,  here,  ere,  rein,  in. 

When  may  a man  be  said  to  belong  to  the  vegetable  kingdom  ? Ans. — 
When  long  experience  has  made  him  sage. 

Why  was  the  first  day  of  Adam’s  life  the  longest  ? Ans. — Because  he 
had  no  Eve. 

Why  is  the  coat  worn  by  a weather-beaten  tramp  like  “insomnia?” 
Ans. — Because  it  hasn’t  had  a nap  in  ten  years. 

What  sort  of  a face  does  an  auctioneer  like  best  ? Ans. — One  that  is  for- 
bidding. 

What  is  the  name  of  the  plant  most  fatal  to  mice  ? Ans. — Cat-nip. 

Why  is  a rope-walker’s  pole  like  the  integrity  of  Turkey  ? Ans. — Because 
the  former  is  the  balance  of  his  rope,  and  the  latter  is  the  balance  of  your 
rope  (Europe). 


4 CONUNDRUMS. 

When  is  a fruit  stalk  like  a good  swimmer?  Ans. — When  it  stems  the 
currant. 

Why  does  B stand  before  C ? Ans. — Because  a man  must  B before  he 
can  C. 

What  sort  of  smile  does  the  victor  wear  ? Ans, — A winning  smile. 

Why  is  an  aristocratic  seminary  for  young  ladies  like  a flower  garden  ? 
Ans. — Because  it  is  a place  of  haughty  culture  (horticulture). 

Why  is  the  letter  S like  a pert  repartee  ? Ans. — Because  it  begins  and 
ends  in  sauciness. 

Why  is  a balloonist  greatly  to  be  envied  ? Ans. — Because  he  rises  rap- 
idly in  the  world  and  has  excellent  prospects. 

When  is  a house  like  a bird  ? Ans. — When  it  has  wings. 

What  happened  to  the  son  of  William  Tell  when  using  his  bow  ? Ans. — 
He  had  an  ’arrow  (narrow)  escape. 

How  can  hunters  find  their  game  in  the  woods?  Ans. — By  listening  to 
the  bark  of  the  trees. 

How  many  persons  can  a deaf  and  dumb  man  tickle?  Ans. — He  can 
ges-tickle-eight  (gesticulate). 

What  subject  can  be  made  light  of?  Ans. — Gas. 

How  can  you  make  an  army  fly?  Ans. — Break  its  wings. 

In  organizing  a military  company,  what  is  the  first  thing  to  do?  Ans. — 
“Order  arms.” 

How  can  one  get  along  in  the  world  ? Ans. — Walk. 

Why  is  a real  estate  man  not  a man  of  words?  Ans. — Because  he  is  a 
man  of  deeds. 

Why  is  a man  thinking  of  his  mother’s  slippers,  when  he  handles  the 
lines  behind  a fine,  well-matched  pair  of  horses  ? Ans. — Because  they  are 
such  a spanking  pair. 

Why  is  too  much  champagne  and  whisky  like  the  flowers  that  bloom 
in  the  Spring?  Ans.— Because  they  make  the  nose-gay  (nosegay). 

When  is  a piece  of  wood  like  a queen  ? Ans. — When  it  is  made  into  a 
ruler. 

What  snuff-taker  is  that  whose  box  gets  fuller  the  more  pinches  he 
takes  ? Ans. — The  candle-snuffer. 


CONUNDRUMS.  5 

When  is  a river  like  a young  lady’s  letter  ? Ans. — ^When  it  is  crossed. 

I owe  my  birth  to  a German,  and  I am  now  one  of  the  greatest  powers 
in  the  world,  still  I am  content  to  be  useful  in  the  house.  Sailors  used  to 
detest  me,  but  at  present  I believe  they  value  me  as  much  as  landsmen  do. 
Ans. — The  press. 

I partake  alike  in  your  joy,  your  sorrow,  and  your  home  would  not  be 
home  without  me.  Ans. — Letter  O. 

Pray  find  a word,  if  you  are  able,  that  will  produce  a chair  and  table  ? 
Ans.  — Char-i-table  (chair,  table). 

A crown  which  was  the  pride  of  Ancient  Rome,  whichever  way  it  is 
read,  it  is  the  same.  Ans. — Civic.  ' 

When  may  a man’s  pocket  be  empty  and  yet  have  something  in  it  ? 
Ans. — When  it  has  a hole  in  it. 

Which  is  the  merriest  sauce  ? Ans. — Caper  sauce. 

Which  is  the  easier  profession,  a doctor’s  or  a clergyman’s  ? Ans. — A 
clergyman ; he  preaches,  the  doctor  practices. 

What  word  of  four  syllables  represents  Sin  riding  on  a little  animal  ? 
Ans. — Sin-on-a-mouse  (synonymous) . 

When  does  a cook  break  the  game  law  ? Ans. — When  she  poaches  eggs. 

What  precious  stone  is  like  the  entrance  to  a garden  ? Ans. — A-gate. 

What  is  the  last  blow  a defeated  ship  gives  in  battle  ? Ans. — Striking 
its  own  flag. 

Why  is  the  Bank  of  England  like  a thrush  ? Ans. — Because  it  often 
changes  its  notes. 

Why  is  an  Englishman  eating  breakfast  like  a ghost  up  a tree?  Ans.— • 
Because  he’s  a goblin’  up  the  ’ash  (hash). 

Why  is  a hen  far  more  liberal  minded  than  the  sun?  Ans. — The  sun 
never  sets  except  in  the  West,  but  a hen  will  set  anywhere. 

Why  is  the  leading  horse  in  a wagon-team  like  the  acceptor  of  a bill? 
Ans. — Because  he’s  the  end  horse  sir  (endorser). 

What  way  of  showing  wrath  has  the  tea-kettle?  Ans. — It  sings  sweet- 
est when  it  is  hottest. 

Why  is  a Zulu  belle  like  a prophet  of  old?  Ans. — She  has  not  much  on’er 
ill  her  o^vn  country 


6 


CONTINDRUMS. 


What  is  the  most  powerful  monarch?  Ans. — Principle. 

Why  is  high  tariff  like  a pair  of  overalls?  Ans. — Because  it  protects  the 
laboring  man. 

How  did  the  sandwiches  (sand  which  is)  on  the  Desert  get  there  ? Ans. 
— Noah  brought  Ham,  and  his  dccendants  bread  and  mustard  (bred  and 
mustered). 

What  is  more  wonderful  than  a horse  that  can  count  ? Ans. — A spell- 
ing bee. 

How  many  peas  are  there  in  a pint  ? Ans. — One  P. 

Why  is  a star  like  an  old  barn  ? Ans. — Because  r-a-t-s  are  found  in  both. 

How  many  apples  did  Adam  and  Eve  eat  ? Ans.— Eve  8-1  Adam  8-1-2, 
— total  893.  Another  solution,  Eve  8-1-4  Adam,  Adam  8-1-2-4  Eve,  total, 
8,938.  Still  another : If  Eve  8-1-4  Adam,  Adam  8-1-2-4-2  keep  Eve  com- 
pany, total,  82,056. 

When  Homer  called  the  sea  “barren,  ’’  why  did  it  illustrate  the  age  in 
which  he  lived  ? Ans.— Because  it  was  before  Cecrops  (sea  crops). 

Why  is  a man  just  put  in  prison  like  a boat  full  of  water?  Ans. — 
Because  he  requires  bailing  out. 

If  a well-known  animal  you  behead. 

Another  one  you  will  have  instead.  Ans. — Fox  (f-ox). 

Why  is  a mirror  like  a very  ungrateful  friend?  Ans. — Because,  although 
you  may  load  his  back  with  silver  he  will  reflect  on  you. 

Why  is  the  figure  9 like  a peacock?  Ans. — Because  it  is  nothing  (0) 
without  a tail. 

Use  me  well  and  Pm  everybody;  scratch  my  back  and  I’m  nobody. 
Ans. — A looking  glass. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a clock  and  a bankrupt?  Ans. — One  goes 
right  on  when  you  wind  it  up,  the  other  does  not  go  on  after  it  is  wound 
up. 

Why  is  a threadbare  garment  like  a man  who  was  up  late  at  the  ball? 
Ans. — Because  both  look  worn  out  when  they  lose  their  nap. 

Why  may  we  suppose  that  a tiger  is  not  without  affection?  Ans. — 
Because  he  is  very  much  attached  to  his  pa  (paw)  and  ma  (maw). 

With  what  do  the  mermaids  tic  up  their  hair?  Ans. — With  a marine 
I and. 


CONUNDRUMS.  7 

j Why  does  a bay  horse  never  pay  toll?  Ans. — Because  his  master  pays 
it  for  him. 

Why  is  the  woodman’s  ax  an  inconsistent  weapon?  Ans. — Because, 
first  it  cuts  a tree  down  and  then  cuts  it  up. 

Who  are  the  fare  sex?  Ans. — Street-car  conductors 

What  is  the  highest  form  of  organic  life?  Ans. — The  man  in  the  moon. 

What  bat  flies  without  wings?  Ans. — A brickbat. 

Why  do  the  Spaniards  want  Admiral  Dewey’s  picture  on  their  postage 
stamps  ? Ans. — Because  its  the  only  way  they  can  lick  him. 

Why  is  a tramp  like  white  flannel  ? Ans. — Because  he  shrinks  from 
washing. 

What  is  there  remarkable  about  a bee  ? Ans. — Why,  ordinarily  it  has 
but  little  to  say,  yet  generally  carries  its  point. 

W’hy  should  there  be  a marine  law  against  whispering  ? Ans. — Because 
it  is  privateering  (private  hearing)  and  consequently  illegal. 

What  should  a baker  of  bread  be?  Ans. — He  kneads  (needs)  to  be  well 
bread  (bred). 

Why  was  Samson  the  greatest  dramatic  actor  that  ever  lived  ? Ans. — 
Because  no  man  ever  brought  down  the  house  as  he  did. 

How  many  days  are  there  in  a year  ? Ans. — “ 325,  ” because  the  other 
40  are  Lent. 

What  are  the  “ Lays  of  Spring  ? ” Ans. — Fresh  eggs. 

What  did  the  managing  editor  say  when  the  horticultural  editor  said 
he  had  cultivated  hot-house  lilac  bushes  that  attained  a height  of  over 
fifty  feet  ? Ans. — I wish  I could  lilac  (lie  like)  that. 

What  is  it  that  is  queer  about  flowers  ? Ans. — They  shoot  before  they 

have  pistils. 

How  many  insects  does  it  take  to  make  a landlord  ? Ans. — Ten-ants 
(tenants). 

When  is  a skein  of  thread  like  the  root  of  an  oak  ? Ans. — When  it  is  full 
of  knots. 

Why  is  a college  student  like  a thermometer  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  grad- 
uated and  marked  by  degrees. 

What  is  that  which  always  goes  v/ith  its  head  downwards?  Ans. — A 
nail  in  your  shoe. 


8 CONUNDRUMS. 

Which  would  the  farmer  raft'cr  see,  his  farm  covered  with  snow  or  with 
mortgages?  Ans. — With  snow,  for  there  is  more  moisture  to  the  former, 
though  more  due  (dew)  on  the  latter. 

What  city  is  drawn  more  frequently  than  any  other?  Ans. — Cork. 

Why  is  blackberry  jam  like  counterfeit  money  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  not 
current  (currant). 

When  was  beef-tea  first  introduced  into  England  ? Ans. — When  Henry 
VIII;  dissolved  the  Pope’s  bull. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a sentence  and  a cat  ? Ans. — One  has  its 
pause  at  the  end  of  its  clause,  and  the  other  its  claws  at  the  end  of  its  paws. 

What  four  letters  of  the  alphabet  would  frighten  a thief?  Ans. — O I C U. 
(oh  ! I see  you). 

When  is  a boat  like  a heap  of  snow  ? Ans. — When  it  is  adrift. 

Two  letters  often  tempt  mankind, 

And  those  who  yield  will  surely  find 

Two  others  ready  to  enforce 

The  punishment  that  comes  of  course? 

Ans. — XS  and  DK  (excess  and  decay). 

What  bird  is  low  spirited  ? Ans. — The  blue  bird. 

What  bird  is  rude  ? Ans. — The  mocking  bird. 

What  birds  move  in  the  highest  circles  ? Ans. — Eagles. 

Why  is  copper  the  most  harmless  of  metals  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  always 
in-a-cent  (innocent). 

Why  are  seeds  like  gate  posts  ? Ans. — Because  they  prop-a-gate. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a horse  that  is  entered  for  a race  and 
withdrawn,  and  one  that  starts  in  a race  and  is  beaten  ? Ans. — One  fails  to 
start,  and  the  other  starts  to  fail. 

What  is  the  greatest  affliction  that  can  befall  a fish  ? Ans.— Why,  it  is 
to  be  taken  insane  (in  .seine). 

What  river  is  the  coldest  ? Ans. — The  Isis  (ice  is). 

How  does  a boy  look  if  you  hurt  him  ? Ans. — It  makes  him  yell  “ Oh ! ” 
(yellow). 

Why  should  a poor  salesman  be  ])ut  in  the  hands  of  a potter?  Ans.— 
Because  he  is  very  poor  clay  and  should  be  fired. 


CONUNDRUMS.  9 

Who  are  the  two  kings  that  reign  in  America  ? Ans. — Smo-king  and 
soa-king. 

Is  there  any  bird  that  can  sing  the  “ Lays  of  Ancient  Rome  ? Ans.— 
Yes,  they  are  Macaw-lays  (macaulays). 

When  is  a tourist  in  Ireland  like  a donkey  ? Ans. — When  he  is  going  to 
Bray. 

Why  are  greenbacks  like  the  Jews>  Ans. — Because  they  are  the  issue  of 
Abraham. 

Where  is  the  first  banking  transaction  mentioned  in  the  Bible  ? Ans. — 
When  the  Egyptians  received  a check  on  the  bank  of  the  Red  Sea  and  Moses 
crossed  it. 

How  do  you  know  when  night  is  nigh  ? Ans. — When  thet  (tea)  is  taken 
away. 

What  did  Ruth  do  to  offend  Boas  ? Ans. — She  pulled  his  ears  and  trod 
on  his  corn. 

Why  is  the  world  like  a slate  ? Ans. — Because  the  children  of  men  do 
multiply  thereon.  ^ 

What  vegetable  gives  employment  to  some  women  and  is  the  dread  of 
all  ? Ans. — Spinage  (spin-age) . 

Who  was  the  most  successful  financier  mentioned  in  the  Bible  ? Ans.— 
Noah,  because  he  floated  a limited  company  when  all  the  rest  of  the  world 
was  in  liquidation. 

When  is  a spoon  like  a pretty  girl  ? Ans.— When  it  is  interesting  (in- 
tea-resting). 

What  does  the  sun  do  when  it  sets  ? Ans. — Makes  a night  of  it. 

Why  does  a maltese  cat  rest  better  in  summer  than  in  winter  ? Ans. — 
Because  summer  brings  the  caterpillar  (cat-a-pillow). 

Why  do  the  recriminations  of  a married  couple  resemble  the  sound  of 
the  waves  on  the  sea-shore  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  the  murmurs  of  the 
tide  (tied). 

Why  is  Russia  like  a fox.^  Ans.— It  got  Hungary  and  wanted  Turkey. 

Why  is  an  acquitted  prisoner  like  a gun  ? Ans. — Because  he  has  been 
charged,  taken  up  and  let  off. 

What  notes  compose  the  most  favorite  tunes,  and  how  many  tunes  do 
they  compose  ? Ans. — Bank  notes,  they  make  (four)  for-tunes. 


10 


CONUNDRUMS. 


When  was  beef  the  highest?  Ans. — When  the  cow  jumped  over  the 
moon. 

What  is  the  difference  between  one  yard  and  two  yards?  Ans. — A 
fence. 

Why  is  life  the  greatest  of  riddles  ? Ans. — Because  we  must  all  give 
it  up. 

What  animals  are  always  seen  at  funerals  ? Ans. — Bfaek  kids 

What  grows  the  less  tired  the  more  it  works  ? Ans. — A carriage  wheel. 

Why  do  chimneys  smoke  ? Ans. — Because  they  cannot  chew. 

Why  is  a hen  immortal  ? Ans. — Because  her  son  never  sets. 

Why  is  a balky  horse  called  a plug  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  a stopper. 

When  is  a ship  most  happy  ? Ans. — When  she  rests  on  the  bosom  of  a 
swell. 

What  is  it  which  wRlhe  yesterday  and  was  to-morrow  ? Ans. — To-day, 
of  course. 

What  domestic  article  represents  a pillar  of  Greece.  Ans. — A candle. 

Why  do  they  not  wish  any  of  our  apples  in  Spain  ? Ans. — Because  they 
are  afraid  there  will  be  Northern  Spies  among  them. 

Why  are  geese  impostors?  Ans. — Because  there  are  a great  many 
quacks  among  them. 

Why  is  a blind  man  apt  to  be  an  idiot  ? Ans. — The  old  adage  says,  out 
of  sight,  out  of  mind. 

What  is  a country  seat  ? Ans. — A milking  stool. 

Why  is  a young  man  who  marries  a boarding  house  keeper’s  daughter 
like  a barrel  of  soft  soap  on  board  of  a ship?  Ans. — Because  he  has  a soft 
thing  on  board. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a pretty  girl  and  an  apple  ? Ans. — The 
apple  you  squeeze  to  get  cider,  and  the  pretty  girl  you  get  side-her  to  squeeze. 

Why  is  your  nose  in  the  middle  of  your  face?  Ans. — Because  it  is  the 
vscentcr. 

When  did  Ca?sar  first  go  to  the  Irish  ? Ans. — When  he  crossed  the  Rhine 
and  went  back  to  bridge  it,  (Bridget.) 

What  great  surgical  operation  docs  the  manufacturing  of  maple  sugar 
remind  you  of?  Trepanning,  (tree-panning.) 


CONUNDRUMS.  11 

When  does  the  rain  become  too  familiar  to  a lady  ? Ans. — When  it  ^ 
begins  to  pat-her  (patter)  on  the  back. 

Why  is  Satan  always  a gentleman?  Ans. — Because  being  the  imp  of 
darkness  he  can  never  be  imp-o-light. 

How  did  Henry  YHI.  differ  from  other  men  as  a suitor?  Ans. — He 
married  his  wives  first  and  axed  them  afterwards. 

Why  was  Goliath  surprised  when  he  was  struck  by  a stone  ? Ans.— 
Because  such  a thing  had  never  entered  his  head  before. 

Why  may  carpenters  reasonably  believe  there  is  no  such  thing  as  stone  ? 
Ans. — Because  they  never  saw  it. 

When  is  paper  money  first  mentioned  in  the  Bible?  Ans. — When  the 
dove  brought  the  green  back  to  the  ark. 

Why  Is  a man  who  makes  pens  very  wicked  ? Ans. — He  makes  peoj)le 
steel  pens  and  then  says  they  do  write. 

What  is  the  most  difficult  train  to  catch  ? Ans. — The  12:50,  because  It 
is  “ten  to  one”  if  you  catch  it. 

Why  does  a man’s  hair  turn  gray  sooner  than  his  moustache  ? Ans.— 
Because  it  is  about  twenty-one  years  older. 

Why  is  a widow  like  a gardener?  Ans. — Because  she  tries  to  get  rid  of 
her  weeds. 

How  is  it  that  the  Queen  is  a poor  gentlewoman  ? Ans. — She  possesses 
only  one  crown. 

Why  is  a jolly  dog  like  our  country?  Ans. — Because  he  is  a merry  cur, 
(America). 

Why  is  a fighting  cat  like  a surgeon?  Ans. — They  both  mew-til-late, 
(mutilate). 

Where  should  you  prefer  to  have  a boil  ? Ans. — In  the  kettle. 

Who  was  the  first  convict  ? Ans. — Adam,  he  was  condemned  to  hard 
labor  for  life. 

What  medicine  is  a cross  dog  fond  of?  Ans. — Bark  and  wine,  (whine). 

Why  is  a book  like  a tree  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  full  of  leaves. 

How  many  fathers  has  a man  ? Ans. — Nine.  His  father,  his  godfather, 
his  father-in-law,  his  two  grandfathers,  and  his  fore  (four)  fathers. 

When  does  a farmer  act  with  great  rudeness  towards  his  corn  ? Ans.— 
When  he  pulls  its  ears. 


>c> 


12  CONUNDRUMS. 

Why  is  a man  without  whiskers  impudent  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  bare- 
faced. 

When  is  the  moon  like  a.  sovereign  fresh  from  the  mint  ? Ans. — When  it 
is  new  and  bright. 

Why  is  a man  who  is  fond  of  his  cigars  like  a tallow  candle  ? Ans. — 
Because  he  will  smoke  when  he  is  going  out. 

Why  is  an  old  man  like  a window?  Ans. — He  is  full  of  pains,  (panes). 

Why  is  a cry-baby’s  mouth  like  a tavern  door?  Ans. — Its  always  open. 

Why  are  real  friends  like  ghosts  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  heard  of  often, 
but  seldom  seen. 

When  is  a dog’s  tail  not  a dog’s  tail?  Ans. — When  it  is  a-wagon, 
(wagging). 

Why  is  the  letter  D like  a sailor  ? Ans.— Because  it  follows  the  C,  (sea). 

Unable  to  think,  unable  to  speak,  yet  tells  the  truth  to  all  the  world. 
Ans. — A balance,  or  pair  of  scales. 

Two  N N,  two  O O a D and  an  L,  what  noted  place  do  these  letters 
spell  ? Ans. — London. 

When  is  a door  not  a door  ? Ans.— When  it  is  a-jar. 

What  is  it  that  we  value  more  than  life,  fear  more  than  death,  the  rich 
man  wants  it,  the  poor  man  has  it,  the  miser  spends  it,  the  spendthrift 
keeps  it,  and  when  we  die  we  take  it  with  us  ? Ans. — Nothing. 

What  instance  is  given  in  the  Bible  where  five  slept  in  one  bed  ? Ans. — 
Where  Abraham  slept  with  his  forefathers. 

Where  did  Noah  strike  the  first  nail  in  the  ark  ? Ans. — On  its  head. 

If  a fender  and  fire-irons  cost  three  pounds,  what  will  a ton  of  coal  come 
to  ? Ans. — To  ashes. 

Why  is  Athens  like  a candlewick  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  in  the  midst  of 
Greece,  (grease). 

Where  can  even  the  miserable  alway  find  sympathy?  Ans. — In  the 
dictionary. 

Why  is  an  egg  like  a colt  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  of  little  use  until  it  is 
broken. 

What  part  of  London  is  a lame  man  ? Ans. — Cripplegate,  (cripple-gait). 

Which  state  is  round  at  each  end  and  high  in  the  middle  ? Ans. — Ohio. 


CONUNDRUMS. 


13 


Why  is  a beehive  like  a spectator?  Ans. — Because  it  is  a beebolder, 
(beholder). 

What  is  it  that  we  see  every  day,  God  never  saw  and  never  will  s<«e,  and 
Paul  seldom  saw  ? Ans. — God  never  saw  his  equal,  Paul  seldom  saw  his, 
and  we  see  ours  every  day. 

Why  is  the  eagle  such  a swell  ? Ans. — He  is  “ well  feathered  ” and  a high 
fl\"er. 

Where  should  the  American  eagle  sit  in  a theatre  ? Ans. — In  the  bald- 
head  row. 

On  what  tree  do  babies  grow  and  thrive  ? Ans.— Infantree. 

What  is  it  in  salt  which  never  had  a name  ? Ans. — Lot’s  wife. 

When  is  a chimnev  not  a chimney  ? Ans. — When  it  is  a little  foul,  (fowl). 

What  is  the  latest  thing  in  dresvses  ? Ans. — Night-dresses. 

What  moral  lesson  does  a weather-cock  teach  ? Ans. — It  is  a vane  to 
a-spirc. 

What  is  that  which  goes  from  Boston  to  Providence  without  once 
moving  ? Ans. — The  railroad. 

What  relation  is  that  child  to  its  own  father  who  is  not  its  father’s  own 
son  ? Ans. — Daughter. 

A burden  fatigues  him,  and  yet  he  does  not  carry  it.  Ans. — A rower 
with  a laden  boat. 

Narrow  gulf  and  long  promontories,  each  terminated  by  a rocky 
plateau.  Ans. — The  fingers. 

Traveling  over  the  country  like  a king,  he  yet  visits  each  3^ear  the  most 
humble  hut.  Ans. — Christmas. 

How  do  we  know  the  fair  Queen  of  day  has  a lover?  Ans. — She  is 
always  followed  by  a night,  (knight). 

Why  is  a woman  like  the  telegraph?  Ans. — Because  she  is  always  in 
advance  of  the  mail  intelligence. 

If  Richard  Jones  were  milking  a cow  too  quickly,  what  ancient  name 
would  that  animal  mention?  Ans. — Milk-easy-Dick,  (Melchisedek). 

Wh}^  should  railroad  companies  never  employ  astronomical  engineers? 
Ans. — Because  they  telescope  their  trains. 

How  do  we  know  that  nightingales  are  sports?  Ans. — Because  the}! 
have  a high  time  after  dark. 


14 


CONUNDRUMS. 


I went  into  the  woods  and  caught  it,  I sat  down  to  look  for  it,  and  then 
1 went  home  with  it  because  I could  not  find  it  ? Ans. — A sliver. 

In  a beautiful  garden  sat  a beautiful  maiden,  the  very  first  day  of  her 
life  she  became  a bride,  and  she  died  before  she  was  born  ; now  tell  what  is 
her  name  ? Ans. — Eve — in  the  garden  of  Eden. 

Why  is  a man  who  has  nothing  but  his  illustrious  ancestry  to  boast  of, 
like  a potato  ? Ans. — The  only  good  belonging  to  him  is  under  ground. 

Why  would  it  be  hard  on  ministers  to  preach  without  notes  ? Ans. — 
Because  their  families  would  suffer  without  the  greenbacks. 

Born  at  the  same  time  as  the  world,  destined  to  live  as  long  as  the 
world,  and  yet  never  five  weeks  old.  Ans. — The  moon. 

Why  is  a rooster  sitting  on  a fence  like  a penny?  Ans. — Because  it’s 
head  on  one  side  and  tail  the  other  side. 

What  word  is  there  of  five  letters  that  by  taking  away  two  leaves  but 
one?  Ans. — stone. 

Why  can’t  a man  starve  to  death  in  the  Desert  of  Sahara?  Ans.— 
Because  of  the  sand-which-is-there,  (Sandwiches  there). 

Why  is  an  elephant  like  a man  going  to  a country  house  on  a visit? 
Ans. — Because  he  carries  his  trunk  with  him. 

Why  is  the  letter  G like  the  sun  ? Ans. — It  is  the  centre  of  light. 

What  belongs  to  yourself,  and  yet  is  used  by  everybody  more  than 
yourself?  Ans. — Your  name. 

Why  is  woman  churning,  like  a caterpillar?  Ans. — She  makes  the  but- 
ter-fly. 

Why  is  the  nail  fast  in  the  wall  like  an  old  man  ? Ans. — Because  he  is 
infirm. 

Why  is  St.  Paul  like  a white  horse  ? Ans. — Because  they  both  love  Tim- 
othy. 

Why  is  a mad  man  like  two  men  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  a man  beside 
himself. 

Why  are  fixed  stars  like  pens,  ink  and  paper?  Ans. — Because  they  are 
stationery  (stationary). 

What  is  that  which  a carriage  cannot  move  without  and  yet  is  not  of 
any  use  to  it?  Ans.— Noise. 

On  which  side  of  the  church  docs  the  yew-tree  grow  ? Ans. — Outsi(^ 


CONUNDRUMS.  15 

What  object  Is  it  that  is  lower  with  a head  than  without  one? 
Ans. — A pillow. 

Why  is  a cherry  like  a book  ? Ans. — Becanse  it  is  red,  (read). 

What  is  everything  doing  at  the  same  time  ? Ans. — Growing  older. 

Why  is  grass  like  a mouse?  Ans. — Because  the  cat’l  eat  it,  (cattle 
eat  it). 

Who  is  that  great  man  who  is  allowed  to  sit  before  the  Queen  with  his 
hat  on  ? Ans. — The  coachman. 

Why  does  a schoolmaster  resemble  the  eye  ? Ans. — He  has  a pupil  under 
the  lash. 

Why  is  the  letter  N like  a pig?  Ans.^ — Because  it  makes  a-sty  nasty. 

What  is  that  which  lives  in  the  winter,  dies  in  the  summer  and  grows 
with  its  roots  upward.^  Ans. — An  icicle. 

What  is  that  which  Bonaparte  never  saw,  but  which  a common  man 
sees  every  day?  Ans. — His  equal. 

Where  was  Oliver  Cromwell  going  in  his  last  moments  ? Ans. — Going 
to  die. 

What  is  the  weight  of  the  moon  ? Ans. — Four  quarters. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a dog’s  tail  and  a rich  man  ? Ans.— One 
keeps  a waggin,  and  the  other  keeps  a carriage. 

Why  is  a sheet  of  writing  paper  like  a lazy  dog?  Ans. — A sheet  of  writ- 
ing paper  is  ink-lined  plain  and  an  inclined  plane  is  a slope  up,  (slow  pup.) 

Why  does  a sailor  know  there’s  a man  in  the  moon?  Ans.— He  has 
been  to  sea. 

What  is  the  greatest  surgical  operation  on  record  ? Ans. — Lansing, 
Michigan. 

What  bridge  is  waN-ranted  to  support  any  strain  ? Ans. — The  bridge  of 
a fiddle. 

Why  does  an  aeronaut  dislike  the  ascent  ? Ans. — It  is  generally  a soar 
point  with  him. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  Irishman  frozen  to  death  and  a 
highlander  on  a mountain-peak  in  January  ? Ans. — One  is  kilt  with  the 
cold,  the  other  cold  with  the  kilt. 

Why  does  the  mariner  need  a great  deal  of  sand?  ©covers  the 


16 


CONUNDRUMS. 


What  is  the  difference  between  a farmer  and  a bottle  of  whisky  ? Ans.^ 
One  husbands  the  corn  and  the  other  corns  the  husband. 

What  is  it  that  is  a cat  and  not  a cat,  and  yet  is  a cat  ? Ans. — A kitten. 

What  burns  to  keep  a secret  ? Ans. — Sealing-wax. 

W’hy  is  anger  like  a potato  ? Ans. — It  shoots  from  the  eye. 

When  you  open  a window  in  a railway  train,  what  is  the  first  thing  to 
catch  3^our  eye  ? Ans. — A cinder. 

Why  is  a book  like  a king?  Ans. — Because  it  has  many  pages. 

Wh^^  is  a nobleman  like  a book  ? Ans. — Because  he  has  a title. 

What  is  that  which  has  a mouth  but  never  speaks,  and  a bed  but  never 
lies  in  it  ? Ans. — A river. 

Why  is  a pair  of  skates  like  an  apple  ? Ans. — Because  they  have  occa- 
sioned the  fall  of  man. 

When  does  a cow  become  real  estate?  Ans. — When  she  is  turned  into  a 
field. 

What  ship  contains  more  people  than  the  Great  Eastern”?  Ans. — 
Courtship. 

What  ailment  is  the  oak  most  subject  to  ? Ans. — A-corn  (acorn). 

What  is  the  key  note  to  good  manners  ? Ans. — B natural. 

What  tree  bears  the  most  fruit  to  market  ? Ans. — The  axle  tree. 

How  is  it  that  trees  can  put  on  new  dresses  without  opening  their 
trunks  ? Ans. — Because  they  leave  out  their  summer  clothing. 

What  are  the  two  most  wonderful  things  on  record  ? Ans.— Why,  to  see 
a cat-fish  and  a rope-walk. 

What  does  an  extravagant  young  man  do  with  his  vacation  ? Ans.— 
He  spends  his  vacation  as  soon  as  he  earns  it. 

What  do  you  call  a boy  who  eats  all  the  melons  he  can  get,  whether 
they  are  green  or  old  ? Ans. — He  is  what  we  call  a pains-taking  urchin. 

What  two  animals  carried  the  least  into  the  ark  ? Ans. — The  fox  and 
the  cock,  because  the\'  carried  only  a brush  and  comb  between  them. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a very  fascinating  young  lady  and  her 
watch  ? Ans. — The  watch  makes  one  remember  the  hours,  and  the  \'Oung 
ladv  makes  one  forget  them. 

Which  is  heavier,  the  full  or  the  new  moon?  Ans. — The  new  moon: 
because  the  full  moon  is  a great  deal  lighter. 


CONUNDRUMS,  17 

What  roof  coversthemost  noisy  politician  ? Ans. — The  roof  of  the  mouth. 

What  cord  is  that  which  is  full  of  knots,  which  no  one  can  untie,  and  in 
which  no  one  can  tie  ? Ans. — A cord  of  wood. 

Why  is  a spendthrift,  with  regard  to  his  fortune,  like  the  water  in  a 
filter?  Ans. — Because  he  soon  runs  through  it  and  leaves  many  matters  be- 
hind to  settle. 

Why  are  ships  passing  in  and  out  of  the  harbor  like  the  human  race  ? 
Ans. — Because  some  tow  (toe)  out  and  some  tow  (toe)  in. 

Why  are  teeth  like  verbs  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  regular,  irregular  and 
defective. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a hill  and  a pill  ? Ans. — One  is  hard  to 
get  up,  the  other  is  hard  to  get  down. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  wreck  of  a bank  and  the  wreck  of  a 
ship  ? Ans. — One  is  caused  by  the  presence  of  rocks,  the  other  by  the  scarcity 
of  rocks. 

Why  does  a freight  car  need  no  locomotive?  Ans. — The  freight  makes 
the  car-go. 

What  is  the  difference  in  value  between  a bride  and  bridegroom  ? Ans. — 
One  is  always  given  away,  the  other  is  sometimes  sold. 

Why  is  a market  like  a love  letter?  Ans. — Because  they  both  contain 
tender-lines,  (loins.) 

What  lake  is  a hill  in  disguise  ? Ans. — Lake  Champlain. 

Why  is  a person  playing  blind-man’s  buff  like  benevolence?  Ans. — It  is  a 
fellow  feeling  for  a fellow  being. 

Why  is  a four  quart  jar  like  a lady’s  side-saddle?  Ans. — Because  it  holds 
a gal-on,  (gallon.) 

When  is  a lady’s  hair  like  the  latest  news?  Ans. — When  its  in  the 
papers. 

Why  is  a kiss  like  a rumor?  Ans.— Because  it  goes  from  mouth  to 
mouth. 

Why  were  the  Jews  of  old  like  bad  debts?  Ans.-- Because  they  killed  the 
prophets,  (profits.) 

Why  is  a vain  voung  lady  like  a confirmed  drunkard?  Ans. — Because 
neither  of  them  are  satisfied  with  a moderate  use  of  the  glass. 

Why  is  a ward  political  speaker  like  a turkey*?  Ans. — Because  he  is 
sometimes  stuffed  with  chestnuts. 


18  CONUNDRUMS. 

When  may  a base  ball  nine  say  its  cake  is  all  dough  ? ” Ans.— When  it 
does  not  have  a good  batter. 

When  is  a noted  woman  like  bread  ? Ans.—When  given  as  a toast. 

What  killed  Joan  of  Arc  ? Ans.— Too  much  hot  stake. 

What  should  be  put  up  for  a rainy  day?  Ans— An  umbrella. 

Wh3^  is  buttermilk  like  something  that  never  happened?  Ans.— Because 
it  hasn’t  a curd,  (occurred). 

What  is  most  like  a hen  stealing?  Ans.— A cockrobbing,  (cock-robin). 

Why  is  it  better  to  lose  an  arm  than  a leg?  Ans. — Because  by  losing  a 
leg  3'ou  lose  something  to  boot. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  Sahara  desert  and  a pewter  image  of 
Satan?  Ans. — One  is  a dead  level  and  the  other  is  a dead  devil. 

Why  are  lawyers  the  most  intemperate  people?  Ans. — Because  they  are 
continually  practicing  at  the  bar. 

What  is  it,  which,  the  men  that  made  it  don’t  need  it,  the  man  that 
buys  it  don’t  use  it  for  himself,  and  the  person  that  uses  it  don’t  know  it? 
Ans. — A coffin. 

What  is  the  sharpest  instrument  mentioned  in  the  Bible?  Ans. — The 
acts  (axe)  of  the  Apostles. 

What  is  that  which  was  born  without  a soul,  lived  and  got  a soul,  but 
died  without  a soul?  Ans. — The  whale  that  swallowed  Jonah. 

Why  are  spiders  good  correspondents?  Ans. — Because  they  drop  a line 
by  every  post,  and  at  every  house. 

Why  is  a duel  quickly  managed?  Ans. — Because  it  takes  only  two 
seconds  to  arrange  it. 

Why  is  asparagus  like  most  sermons?  Ans. — Because  it  is  the  end  of  it 
that  people  enjoy  most. 

Which  is  the  oddest  fellow,  the  one  who  asks  a question,  or  the  one  who 
answers?  Ans. — The  one  who  asks,  because  he  is  the  queriest. 

Why  is  Gibraltcr  one  of  the  most  wonderful  places  in  the  world?  Ans. — 
Because  it’s  always  on  the  rock,  but  never  moves. 

Why  is  the  steeple  of  St.  Paul’s  church  like  Ireland?  Ans.— Because 
there  is  a bell  fast  (Belfast)  in  it. 

What  is  a civil  war?  Ans. — A French  duel. 


CONUNDRUMS. 


19 


What  is  political  economy?  Ans. — Splitting  your  vote. 

Why  is  a wagon  load  of  bananas  like  the  setting  sun?  Ans. — Because 
always  a day  goes  (dago’s)  with  it. 

When  may  a musician  be  excused  for  not  keeping  time?  Ans, — When  he 
can  make  his  hearers  forget  time. 

When  is  a doctor  most  annoyed?  Ans. — When  he  is  out  of  patients. 

When  are  gloves  unsalable?  Ans. — When  they  are  kept  on  hand. 

Why  is  a billiard-maker  like  a stage  prompter?  Ans. — Because  he  gives 
the  players  the  cue. 

When  is  a theatrical  manager  like  an  astronomer?  Ans. — When  he  dis- 
covers a new  star. 

Where  can  one  find  the  best  winter  quarters?  Ans. — Between  two  fires. 

Why  should  not  the  groom  forget  the  plain  circlet  of  gold  when  going 
to  his  own  wedding?  Ans. — Because  a ring  of  the  church  bells  will  not 
answer  as  a substitute. 

Why  do  you  always  make  a mistake  when  you  put  on  your  slipper? 
Ans. — Because  you  put  your  foot  in  it. 

What  is  a remarkable  fact  when  a Chinese  actor  loses  his  head?  Ans. — 
He  is  pretty  sure  to  lose  his  cue  at  the  same  time. 

What  darkness  is  it  that  can  be  felt?  Ans. — A black  derby  hat. 

What  was  the  motto  of  the  whale  that  swallowed  Jonah?  Ans. — Small 
profits  and  quick  returns. 

What  is  a good  thing  to  part  with?  Ans. — A comb. 

What  is  best  to  make  the  Indian  corn  (corn’s)  grow?  Ans. — Tight 
moccasins. 

Why  is  a portrait  like  a member  of  Congress?  Ans. — Because  it  is  a 
representative. 

How  long  did  Cain  hate  his  brother?  Ans. — As  long  as  he  was  Abel. 

What  object  gives  more  milk  than  a cow?  Ans. — The  milk-man  and  the 
milk-wagon. 

What  is  it  in  all  human  nature  that  is  perfect,  yet  has  but  one  foot? 
Ans. — A leg. 

What  does  an  envelope  say  when  it  is  licked?  Ans. — It  just  shuts  up 
and  says  nothing  about  it. 


CONUNDRUMS. 


20 

When  daybreaks,  what  becomes  of  the  ])ieees?  Ans. — They  ^o  into 
mourning,  (morning). 

What  becomes  of  the  chocolate  cake  when  your  only  son  eats  it?  Ans. — 
It  vanishes  into  the  empty  heir,  (air.) 

When  is  it  dangerous  to  enter  a church?  Ans. — When  there  is  a great 
gun  in  the  pulpit,  or  a canon  in  the  reading  desk. 

Why  are  bells  used  to  call  people  to  church?  Ans. — Because  they  have 
an  in-spire-ring  influence. 

Why  is  love  always  represented  as  a child?  Ans. — Because  he  never 
reaches  the  age  of  discretion. 

When  does  a caterpillar  improve  in  morals?  Ans. — When  it  turns  over  a 
new  leaf. 

Why  is  an  ear  of  corn  a good  listener?  Ans. — Because  it  is  attentive  to 
the  corn’s  talk,  (corn-stalk.) 

Why  is  a young  man  like  a kernel  of  corn?  Ans. — Because  he  turns 
white  when  he  pops — the  question. 

When  is  a fast  young  man  nearest  heaven?  Ans. — When  on  a lark. 

How  do  we  know  that  the  wagons  had  no  sides  at  the  time  of  Jacob? 
Ans. — Because  when  Joseph  sent  for  his  father  he  cautioned  his  brother  not 
to  fall  out  by  the  way. 

Why  is  a pig  a paradox?  Ans. — Because  it  is  killed  first  and  cured  after- 
ward. 

Why  is  a specimen  of  extra  fine  handwriting  like  a dead  pig?  Ans. — 
Because  it  is  done  with  the  pen. 

Why  is  the  blush  of  modesty  like  a little  girl?  Ans. — Because  it  becomes 
a woman. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  engine-driver  and  a schoolmaster? 
Ans. — One  minds  the  train,  the  other  trains  the  mind. 

A lady  asked  a gentleman  how  old  he  was?  He  answered,  m3"  age  is 
what  you  do  in  everything?  Ans. — Excel,  (XL.) 

How  can  you  distinguish  a fashionable  man  from  a tired  dog?  Ans. — 
One  wears  an  entire  costume  and  the  other  simjily  jiants. 

Why  is  love  like  a potato?  Ans. — Because  it  .shoots  from  the  eyes,  and 
gets  less  by  jiairing,  (paring.) 


CONUNDRUMS,  21 

What  Islands  would  form  a dainty  and  cheerful  luncheon  for  a party? 
Ans. — Sandwich  and  Madeira. 

What  is  that  which  we  all  ean  eat,  and  often  drink,  though  it  some- 
times is  a woman  and  often  a man?  Ans. — We  eat  toast  and  drink  a toast. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a corrupt  city  official  and  a church  bell? 
Ans. — One  steals  from  the  people,  and  the  other  peals  from  the  steeple. 

When  is  longhand  quicker  and  more  accurate  than  shorthand?  Ans. — 
When  it  is  on  a clock. 

What  is  the  best  food  for  dyspeptic  people?  Ans. — Oysters;  beeausethey 
die-just  (digest)  before  they  are  eaten. 

What  trade  should  one  follow  in  order  to  cut  a figure  in  the  world? 
Ans. — A sculptor. 

Why  did  the  Highlanders  do  most  execution  at  Waterloo?  Ans. — 
Because  every  man  had  one  kilt  before  the  battle  began. 

When  does  water  resemble  a gymnast?  Ans. — When  it  makes  a spring. 

Why  is  fashionable  soeiety  like  a warming-pan?  Ans. — Because  it  is 
highly  polished  but  very  hollow, 

What  is  society  composed  of?  Ans. — A mixture  of  mister-ies  and  miss- 
eries. 

What  wind  do  we  naturally  look  for  after  Bent?  Ans. — An  Eastcr-ly 
one. 

Why  are  heavy  showers  like  heavy  drinkers  ? Ans. — Because  they 

usually  begin  with  little  drops. 

What  is  the  differenee  between  the  Mormon’s  religion  and  their  wives? 
Ans. — Their  religion  is  singular,  but  their  wives  are  plural. 

Why  do  tailors  make  very  ardent  lovers?  Ans. — Because  they  press 
their  suits. 

Why  is  a young  man  in  love  like  a knocker?  Ans. — Because  he  is  bound 
to  adore,  (a  door.) 

Why  is  a list  of  celebrated  musical  composers  like  a saucepan?  Ans. — 
Because  it  is  ineomplete  without  a Handel. 

In  what  colored  Ink  should  we  write  our  secrets?  Ans. — In  violet, 
(inviolate.) 

Why  is  a doctor  never  seasick?  Ans. — Because  he  is  used  to  see  sickness. 


22 


CONUNDRUMS. 


What  one  thing  is  it  which  neither  allopathist  nor  homeopathist  can 
cure,  or  upon  which  they  can  pronounce  an  opinion?  Ans. — It  is,  what 
cures  dislike. 

What  are  the  most  marvelous  of  the  world’s  wonders  on  record?  Ans. — 
The  man  who  ate  his  dinner  with  the  fork  of  a river,  and  then  tried  to  spin 
a mountain  top. 

Why  are  misfortunes  like  borrowed  umbrellas?  Ans. — Because  they  are 
more  care-lessly  carried. 

When  is  water  a coward?  Ans. — When  it  runs. 

How  can  a man  with  no  wings  be  said  to  be  “ winged  ” in  an  “ affair  of 
honor?”  Ans. — Because  in  going  out  to  fight  a duel  he  makes  a goose  of 
himself. 

What  is  the  most  difficult  lock  to  pick?  Ans. — One  from  a bald-head. 

What  is  the  dog-star  pronounced  to  be?  Ans.— A sky-terrier. 

In  what  place  are  two  heads  better  than  one?  Ans. — In  a barrel. 

How  do  little  fish  have  a proper  idea  of  business?  Ans. — Not  being  able 
to  do  better,  they  start  on  a small  scale. 

Whom  did  Robinson  Crusoe  meet  on  the  desert  island?  Ans. — A great 
swell  and  a little  cove  running  inland. 

Why  were  two  canaries  named  “Wheeler”  and  “Wilson?”  Ans. — 
Because  neither  one  nor  the  other  was  a “ Singer.” 

Why  is  chloroform  like  Mendelssohn?  Ans. — Because  it  is  one  of  the 
great  composers  of  modern  times. 

How  can  a man  be  constantly  up  to  the  time  o’day  and  yet  never 
carry  a watch?  Ans. — Because  he  always  wears  stockings  with  “clocks” 
on  them. 

When  is  a dog  most  like  a human  being?  Ans. — When  he  is  between  a 
man  and  a boy. 

Why  do  agricultural  laborers  leave  the  farms?  Ans. — Because  a farm  is 
a cumbrous  and  inconvenient  thing  for  them  to  take  along  with  them. 

What  key  opens  the  penitentiary  for  a dissipated  man  ? Ans. — Whis-key . 

When  do  dogs  most  resemble  cards?  Ans. — When  they  belong  to  a 
pack. 

What  is  a natural  slave  f Ans. — The  serf  of  the  sea. 

What  bird  is  in  season  all  the  season,  and  extra  when  necessary  ? Ans. — 
The  weathcr-cock. 


CONUNDRUMS, 


A Kniglit  went  on  a pleasure  trip  to  Jerusalem.  He  had  a severe  attack 
of  colic.  Where  and  when  did  he  have  the  attack  ? Ans. — In  the  middle  of 
the  Knight  (night). 

How  can  a thin  person  get  fat  ? Ans. — By  going  to  the  butcher  and 
buying  it  by  the  pound. 

You  have  often  heard  the  remark  “I  have  a frog  in  my  throat” — where 
does  the  frog  come  from  ? Ans. — From  the  crick  (creek)  in  the  back. 

Have  you  heard  the  story  about  the  empty  box  ? Ans. — When  one  says 
“No,  I have  not  ” then  answer : Nothing  in  it. 

Have  you  heard  the  story  about  the  egg  and  the  coffee?  Ans. — That 
settles  it. 

Have  you  heard  the  story  about  the  three  eggs  ? Ans. — Too  (two)  bad. 

How  does  the  bicycle  affect  the  person  who  is  learning  to  ride  it  ? Ans. — 
It  puts  him  in  touch  with  the  whole  earth. 

If  a man  were  born  in  England,  educated  in  France,  then  moved  to 
Canada  and  lived  and  died  in  Montreal,  what  would  he  be.  Ans. — He 
would  be  a dead  man. 

Why  may  we  suppose  that  poets  consume  gas.  Ans. — Because  they 
have  a metre. 

Why  do  so  many  people  like  to  borrow  trouble  ? Ans. — Because  they 
are  never  asked  to  return  it. 

If  thirty-two  is  the  freezing  point,  what  is  the  squeezing  point  ? Ans. — 
Two  in  the  shade. 

How  should  a ship  be  decorated  for  a funeral  ? Ans. — Loosen  the  shrouds 
and  ask  the  chap-lain  to  give  the  deck-oration. 

Why  is  a man  sailing  up  the  Tirgris  like  a son  putting  his  father  in  a 
sack  ? Ans. — He  is  going  to  bag  dad  (Bagdad). 

Why  can’t  a man  marry  his  widow’s  sister  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  dead. 

Why  is  a solar  eclipse  like  a mother  beating  her  boy  ? Ans.— Because  it 
is  the  hiding  of  the  son. 

Why  is  old  ocean  so  apt  to  lash  himsclfinto  fury  ? Ans.— Because  he  is  so 
often  crosses!. 

Why  should  a man  who  marries  a widow  be  bound  to  give  up  his  smok- 
ng  ? Ans. — If  she  gives  her  weeds  for  him  he  should  give  up  his  weeds 
for  her. 


CONUNDRUMS. 


The  following  conundrum  which  was  placed  in  a country  church  in  the 
north  west  of  England  is  over  two  hundred  years  old.  The  letters  are 
inscribed  on  a stone  tablet  placed  immediately  above  the  Ten  Command- 
ments and  are  deciphered  with  only  one  letter : 

P.  R.  S.  V.  R.  Y.  P.  R.  F.  C.  T.  M.  N. 

V.  R.  K.  P.  T.  11.  S.  P.  R.  C.  P.  T.  vS.  T.  N. 

Ans. — The  letter  E. 

“ Persevere  ye  perfect  men, 

Ever  keep  these  percepts  ten.” 

Four  animals  went  to  the  circus  (tickets  were  $1.00  each).  There  was 
a rabbit,  a duck,  a frog  and  a skunk.  Only  three  were  admitted,  which 
were  the  three  and  how  did  they  get  in  ? Ans. — First  came  the  rabbit,  with 
his  four  quarters  and  he  was  admitted ; the  duck  prCvSented  his  bill;  and 
the  frog  went  in  with  a greenback;  but  they  refused  to  admit  the  skunk 
as  he  had  only  a scent  (cent)  and  that  was  a bad  one. 

Why  would  the  Spaniards  like  to  have  Admiral  Dewey’s  picture  on  their 
postage  stamps  ? Ans. — Because  that  is  the  only  way  they  could  lick  him. 

Why  is  it  that  the  “Goddess  of  Liberty”  in  the  New  York  Harbor  is 
never  lonesome.  Ans. — Because  she  has  so  many  bouys  (boys)  and  swells 
around  her. 

Why  is  she  so  cold  ? Ans. — Because  she  has  only  a Jersey  to  her  back. 

With  whom  does  a man  have  to  cc  npete,  who  raises  Manx  cats  without 
tails,  on  a wholesale  plan  ? Ans. — The  firm  who  has  a retail  branch. 

The  following  original  riddle  is  by  Christopher  L.  Ward,  and  is  deciph- 
ered by  two  words  following  each  other . 

“ When  you  seek  a harder  question 
To  unriddle,  your  suggestion, 

I am  sure,  itself  suggests  its  answer  plain. 

It  has  puzzled  many  sages 
Of  many  lands  and  ages. 

But  no  doubt  you  will  not  tackle  it  in  vain. 

Ans. — It  will  be  seen  that  by  taking  the  first  letter  of  the  first  line,  the  second 
of  the  next,  and  so  on  for  five  lines,  the  word  “woman”  is  made.  Then 
follow  after  “woman”  by  taking  the  second  letter  on  the  first  line,  the  third 
letter  on  the  second  line,  the  fourth  letter  on  the  third  line,  and  so  on  for  five 
lines  and  you  will  find  the  word  “ hussy.”  It  reads  “woman  hussy.” 


CONUNDRUMS.  23 

What  are  the  most  patient  objects  in  the  shape  of  humanity  ? Ans. — 
Statues. 

Who  are  the  men  that  have  made  their  mark  ? Ans. — Those  who  can’t 
write. 

What  melancholy  fact  is  there  about  a calender  ? Ans. — There’s  no  time 
when  its  days  are  not  numbered. 

What  is  the  only  pane  of  which  everyone  makes  light  ? Ans. — A window 
pane. 

Two  Spaniards  went  up  in  a balloon,  the  balloon  burst,  what  nation- 
ality would  they  be  when  coming  down  ? Ans. — One  came  down  a Russian 
(rushing),  the  other  caught  on  a telegraph  wire  and  came  down  a Pole. 

Why  didn’t  the  Government  keep  Sampson’s  squadron  at  Key  West? 
Ans. — Because  Uncle  Sam  couldn’t  afford  to  keep  the  navy  on  Florida 
water. 

A man  on  top  of  a tower,  which  was  sixty  feet  high,  had  with  him  a 
goose  and  a rope  six  feet  long,  how  did  the  man  get  down  ? Ans. — He  got 
downe  from  the  goose. 

What  did  the  whale  gain  in  the  little  transaction  between  him  and 
Jonah  ? Ans. — The  whale  got  all  the  prophet. 

When  time  flies,  what  does  the  orchestra  leader  do  ? Ans. — He  stands 
still  and  beats  time. 

What  is  the  beginning  of  eternity,  the  end  of  time  and  space,  the  begin- 
ning of  every  end,  and  the  end  of  every  place  ? Ans. — The  letter  E. 

If  your  uncle’s  sister  is  not  your  aunt,  what  relation  is  she  to  you  ? 
Ans. — Your  mother. 

Why  is  a postman  like  a college  professor?  Ans.— Because  he  is  a man 
of  letters. 

Why  should  potatoes  grow  better  than  any  other  vegetable  ? Ans.— 
Because  they  have  eyes  to  see  what  they  are  doing. 

From  whence  proceeds  the  eloquence  of  an  American  lawyer  ? Ans. — 
From  his  mouth. 

When  is  coffee  like  the  soil  ? Ans. — When  it  is  ground. 

What  is  that  which  increases  the  more  it  is  shared  by  others  ? Ans.— 
Happiness. 

At  what  time  by  the  clock  is  a pun  most  effective?  Ans.— When  it 
strikes  one. 


24 


CONUNDRUMS. 


Why  is  the  Ohio  river  like  a drunken  man  ? Ans. — Beeause  it  takes  in 
too  mueh  Monongahela  at  Pittsburg,  runs  past  Wheeling,  gets  a Lieking 
past  Cineinnati,  and  falls  below  Louisville. 

Whieh  was  the  first  “triek  horse  ” on  record  ? Ans. — The  wooden  one  in 
which  the  Greeks  entered  troy. 

Why  is  the  letter  R indispensable  to  friendship?  Ans. — Because  without 
it  your  friends  would  be  fiends. 

What  odd  number  when  beheaded  will  become  even  ? Ans. — Seven. 

What  method  is  the  best  to  keep  moths  out  of  old  clothing?  Ans. — It  is 
recommended  to  give  the  clothing  to  the  poor. 

How  many  brains  has  a hog?  Ans. — A hogs-head  full. 

When  may  a man  be  said  to  breakfast  before  he  gets  up  ? Ans. — When 
he  takes  a roll  in  bed. 

Why  was  Pharaoh’s  daughter  like  a banker  ? Ans. — Because  she  got  a 
little  prophet  (profit)  from  the  rushes  on  the  bank. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  oak  tree  and  a leopard’s  tail  ? Ans. — 
One  is  rooted  to  the  spot,  and  the  other  is  spotted  to  the  root. 

When  could  the  Briti.sh  Empire  be  purchased  for  the  lowest  sum  ? Ans.— 
When  Richard,  the  Third,  offered  his  kingdom  for  a horse. 

How  would  it  work  if  all  the  postoffices  were  in  charge  of  women  ? 
Ans. — It  would  work  so  well  that  the  males  would  arrive  and  depart  every 
hour  in  the  day. 

Give  a good  definition  of  a button.  Ans. — A small  affair  that  is  always 
coming  off. 

How  many  wives  does  the  prayer  book  allow  you  ? Ans. — Sixteen,  for 
(four)  better,  for  (four)  worse,  for  (four)  richer,  for  (four)  poorer. 

Why  is  it  hard  to  tell  the  politics  of  the  man  in  the  moon  ? Ans. — 
Because  sometimes  the  moon  is  wet,  and  sometimes  it’s  dry.  Then,  again, 
it  is  periodically  full. 

Why  are  a person’s  eyes  like  friends  separated  by  the  ocean  ? Ans. — 
Because  they  correspond  but  never  meet. 

Why  are  pipes  .such  humbugs?  Ans. — Because  the  best  of  them  are  mere 
shams,  (meerschaums.) 

A man  remarks,  looking  at  a portrait,  “uncles  and  brothers  have  I 
none,  but  this  man’s  father  is  my  father’s  son.’’  What  relation  is  the  origi- 
nal of  the  portrait  to  the  speaker?  Ans. — His  son. 


CONUNDRUMS, 


25 


When  is  charity  like  a top  ? Ans. — When  it  begins  to  hum. 

What  table  has  no  legs  to  stand  upon  ? Ans. — The  multiplication  table. 

Why  are  young  men  like  telescopes  ? Ans. — Because  you  can  draw  them 
out,  see  through  them  and  shut  them  up  again. 

What  two  playful  animals  has  the  human  body  ? A.ns. — Calves. 

Why  is  a dead  hen  better  then  a live  one  ? Ans. — Because  she  will  lay 
wherever  you  put  her. 

Why  is  music  cheaper  on  Sunday  than  during  the  week  ? Ans. — Because 
during  the  week  you  get  it  by  the  piece,  and  on  Sunday  you  get  it  by  the 
choir,  (quire.) 

Why  is  a false  friend  like  the  letter  P ? Ans. — Because,  although  first  in 
pity,  he  is  always  last  in  help. 

Why  is  an  empty  purse  expressive  of  constancy  ? Ans. — Because  you 
find  no  change  in  it. 

Why  is  a good  speller  of  a spelling  match  like  a glass  of  champagne  ? 
Ans. — Because  they  both  go  to  the  head. 

What  vegetables  are  dangerous  in  a ship  and  harmless  on  shore  ? Ans. — 
Leeks,  (leaks.) 

What  was  the  parting  salute  of  a runaway  pig  ? Ans. — Excuse  haste 
and  a bad  pen. 

What  trees  has  fire  no  effect  upon  ? Ans. — Ash  trees,  as  when  burned 
they’re  ashes  still. 

What  is  the  most  astonishing  thing  on  a steamboat  ? Ans. — A walking 
beam. 

Which  is  the  most  valuable,  a five-dollar  note  or  five  gold  dollars  ? 
Ans. — The  note ; because  when  you  put  it  in  your  pocket  you  double  it,  and 
when  you  take  it  out  again  you  see  it  in-creases. 

Why  are  dealers  in  glass-ware  unlike  all  other  dealers?  Ans.— Because 
it  won’t  do  for  them  to  crack  up  their  goods. 

Why  is  a true  and  faithful  friend  like  garden  seeds  ? Ans. — Because  you 
never  know  the  value  of  either  until  they  are  put  under  the  ground. 

Why  is  a plum  pudding  like  the  ocean  ? Ans. — Because  it  contains  many 
currants,  '' 

What  benefit  can  be  derived  from  a paper  of  pins?  Ans. — It  will  give 
you  many  good  points. 


26 


CONUNDRUMS. 


When  does  the  House  of  Representatives  present  one  of  the  most 
ludicrous  spectacles?  Ans. — When  its  ayes  (eyes)  are  on  the  one  side,  and 
its  noes  (nose)  on  the  other. 

What  ability  has  one  who  is  quick  at  repartee?  Ans. — A ^reat  res])onsi- 
bility. 

Of  what  trade  are  all  the  Presidents  of  the  United  States?  Ans. — 
Cabinet  makers. 

Who  was  the  fastest  runner  in  the  world?  Ans. — Adam, because  he  was 
the  first  in  the  race. 

What  kind  of  a cat  do  we  generally  find  in  a kirge  library.  Ans. — 
Cat-alogue. 

Why  is  a fair-haired  doll  like  jelly?  Ans. — Because  its  made  with  eyes- 
in-glass  (isinglass.) 

What  article  that  we  wear  is  most  affectionate?  Ans. — A porous 
plaster,  because  it  becomes  very  much  attached  to  us. 

What  are  the  lawyers’  degrees  of  comparison?  Ans. — It  is  hard  to  get 
on,  harder  to  get  ’onner,  (honor)  hardest  to  get  ’onnest  (honest.) 

How  many  young  ladies  does  it  take  to  reach  from  New  York  to 
Philadelphia?  Ans; — About  one  hundred  because  a miss  is  as  good  as  a 
mile. 

Why  can  negroes  be  safely  trusted  with  a secret  ? Ans. — Because  they 
are  sure  to  keep  dark. 

Why  are  pianos  noble  characters  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  grand, 
upright  and  square. 

At  what  game  do  the  waves  of  the  sea  play?  Ans. — At  pitch  and  toss. 

If  a woman  were  to  change  her  sex  what  religion  would  she  be  of? 
Ans. — She  would  be  a he’then  (heathen.) 

What  kin  is  the  door-mat  to  the  door?  Ans. — A step-father,  (a  step 
farther.) 

Why  is  a lame  dog  like  a school  boy  adding  six  and  seven  together  ? 
Ans. — Because  the  dog  puts  down  three  and  carries  one. 

Why  is  a very  demure  young  lady  like  a steamship  ? Ans. — Because 
she  pays  no  attention  to  the  swells  that  follow  her. 

Why  is  a chicken  jhc  like  a gvmsmith’s  shop  ? Ans. — Because  it  contains 
a fowl-in  ])icce. 


CONUNDRUMS,  27 

Although  great  wealth  is  said  to  harden  the  heart,  what  is  every 
millionaire  sure  to  be  ? Ans. — A capital  fellow. 

What  is  a dark-horse  ? Ans. — The  night-mare. 

What  is  the  fruit  of  finance  ? Ans. — Currant  coin. 

Who  is  a man  of  grit  ? Ans. — A sugar  refiner. 

Who  is  an  inspector  of  customs  ? Ans. — A fashion  writer. 

Why  is  a coachman  like  the  clouds  ? Ans. — Beca,use  he  holds  the  reins. 

What  did  Adam  first  plant  in  the  Garden  of  Eden  ? Ans. — His  foot. 

Why  does  the  Salvation  Army  walk  down  Broadway  on  their  heels  ? 
Ans.— To  save  their  soles,  (souls.) 

Why  is  a cobbler’s  shop  like  the  world  ? Ans. — Because  it  contains 
both  good  and  holey  (holy)  soles,  (souls.) 

What  is  the  difference  between  a jailor  and  a watchmaker  ? Ans. — One 
watches  cells  and  the  other  sells  watches. 

What  is  there  about  a house  that  seldom  falls,  but  never  hurts  the  occu- 
pant when  it  does  ? Ans. — The  rent. 

What  should  be  looked  into  ? Ans. — The  mirror. 

Who  always  enjoys  poor  health  ? Ans. — The  doctor. 

What  pay  did  Pharaoh’s  daughter  get  when  she  made  baby-clothes  for 
Moses  ? Ans. — She  made  them  for  a very  little  prophet. 

Why  is  a good  story  like  a church  bell  ? Ans.— Because  it  is  often  told, 
(tolled.) 

Why  is  your  nose  and  chin  always  at  variance  ? Ans. — Because  words 
are  constantly  passing  between  them. 

In  what  respect  are  truth  and  roses  alike  ? Ans. — They  have  thorns 
about  them. 

Why  is  a proud  woman  like  a music  book  ? Ans. — She  is  full  of  airs. 

Whose  best  works  are  most  trampled  on?  Ans. — The  shoemaker, 
because  good  shoes  last  longer  than  bad  ones. 

Why  is  a jailor  like  a musician  ? Ans. — Because  he  fingers  the  keys. 

Why  are  the  stars  the  best  astronomers  ? Ans. — Because  they  have 
studded  (studied)  the  heavens  for  years. 

What  should  be  done  with  a squalling  baby  at  church,  and  a good  reso- 
lution ? Ans. — They  should  both  be  carried  out. 


28  CONUNDRUMS. 

Why  is  a beggar  like  a baker  ? Ans. — They  both  need  (knead)  bread. 

Why  was  Noah,  when  in  the  Ark,  like  a disappointed  rat  caUdier  V 
Ans. — Beeause  it  was  forty  days  before  he  saw  ere-a-rat,  (Ararat). 

Why  is  an  egg  underdone  like  an  egg  overdone  ? Ans. — They  are  both 
hardly  done. 

Why  is  an  orange  like  a synagogue?  Ans. — Because  it  is  full  of  Jews, 
(juice). 

Why  is  a tight  boot  like  an  oak  tree  ? Ans. — Because  it  produces  a corn, 
(acorn). 

Why  is  a dressy  young  man  arranging  his  cravat  complacently  before  a 
glass  the  happiest  man  in  creation  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  in  love  with  him- 
self and  has  not  a rival  upon  earth. 

After  the  battle  of  Leipsic,  why  did  Bonaparte  have  plenty  of  funds? 
Ans. — Because  he  had  received  a check  on  the  bank  of  the  Elba. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  old  penny  and  a new  dime?  Ans. — 
Nine  cents. 

What  object  goes  round  the  house,  and  round  the  house,  then  round  the 
garden  and  makes  but  one  track  ? Ans. — A wheelbarrow. 

What  is  the  legislature,  the  judiciary  and  the  executive  to  the  United 
States?  Ans. — The  legislature  is  the  heart  of  the  State,  the  judiciary  the 
brains,  and  the  executive  its  head. 

Why  are  political  orators  very  much  like  a great  river  ? Ans. — Because 
they  are  always  the  loudest  and  muddiest  at  the  mouth. 

Why  are  clergymen  like  brakemen  ? Ans. — Because  they  do  a great  deal 
of  coupling. 

What  is  a sure  sign  of  an  early  spring  ? Ans. — It  is  a cat  watching  a 
hole  in  the  wall  with  her  back  up. 

How  can  a lawyer  help  his  client  ? Ans.— When  the  client  tells  him  the 
plain  truth ; he  could  put  in  the  lies  himself. 

What  is  meant  by  lightning-bug  piety  ? Ans. — Bright  while  it  lasts,  but 
cold,  and  soon  out. 

When  is  a dog  counted  mad  ? Ans. — When  he  won’t  take  something  to 
drink. 

Why  arc  convicts  like  packs  of  cards?  Ans. — Because  there  is  a knave 
in  every  suit. 


CONUNDRUMS, 


29 


What  did  a drunken  man  think  when  he  slipped  down  on  an  icy  side- 
walk? Ans. — He  thought  it  very  singular  that  the  water  always  freezes 
with  the  slippery  side  up. 

What  is  the  most  startling  of  all  transformations?  Ans. — When  a 
square  man  turns  round  when  the  time  comes  for  him  to  pay  his  bills. 

Why  is  it  difficult  to  flirt  on  mail  steamers  ? Ans. — Because  all  the 
mails  (males)  are  tied  up  in  bags. 

Why  cannot  a deaf  man  be  legally  convicted  ? Ans. — Because  it  is 
unlawful  to  condemn  a man  without  a hearing. 

Who  is  the  oldest  lunatic  on  record  ? Ans. — Time  out  of  mind. 

Why  are  ships  like  some  fortunes  ? Ans. — Because  they  are  built  on 
stocks. 

What  is  the  Chinese  Government  after  ? Ans. — More  tails  to  its  kite. 

Why  is  it  nonsense  to  pretend  that  love  is  blind  ? Ans. — Because  you 
never  knew  a man  in  love  that  did  not  see  ten  times  more  in  his  sweetheart 
than  others  did. 

What  is  it  which  you  break  if  you  even  name  it  ? Ans. — Silence. 

What  is  the  political  character  of  a water-wheel  ? Ans. — Revolutionary. 

What  is  that  will  give  a cold,  cure  a cold,  and  pay  the  doctor’s  bill? 
Ans. — A draught,  (draft). 

Why  is  the  vowel  0 the  only  one  sounded  ? Ans. — Because  all  the  others 
arc  in  audible. 

When  has  a man  brown  hands  ? Ans. — When  he  is  tand’em  driving. 

What  fish  is  most  valued  1)3^  a younglad3^  Ans. — Her-ring (engagement 
ring.) 

Why  is  an  icy  sidewalk  like  music  ? Ai>s. — Because  if  vou  don’t  C sharp, 
\^ou  will  B flat. 

Why  does  a hen  lay  her  eggs  ? Ans. — Because  if  she  would  drop  them, 
she  would  break  them. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  cradle  and  the  grave  ? Ans. — The 
one  is  for  the  first  born,  the  other  for  the  last  bourne. 

What  kind  of  swell  luncheon  would  hardly  be  considered  a grand 
affair?  Ans. — A luncheon  of  dried  apples  and  warm  water,  which  is  really 
a swell  affair. 


30 


CONUNDRUMS, 


What  Is  that  which  Is  lengthened  by  being  cut  at  both  ends?  Ans. — A 
ditch. 

Why  is  Father  Time  like  a fashionable  young  man  ? Ans, — Because  he 
travels  by  cycles,  (bicycles). 

What  is  that  which  is  too  much  for  one,  enough  for  two,  but  nothing  at 
all  for  three  ? Ans. — A secret. 

What  things  increase  the  more  3^ou  contract  them  ? Ans. — Debts. 

Why  is  Asia  like  a market  in  Thanksgiving  or  Christmas  week  ? Ans. — 
There  is  always  a Turkey  in  it. 

If  you  were  to  ride  a donkey  what  fruit  would  you  resemble  ? Ans. — A 
pair. 

When  is  a newspaper  like  the  blood  of  a healthy  man  ? Ans.—When  it 
has  a good  circulation. 

What  trade  is  certainly  one  in  which  a man  will  never  make  a cent 
except  by  sticking  at  it  ? Ans. — Bill-posting. 

What  is  that  from  which  the  whole  may  be  taken  and  yet  some  remain? 
Ans. — The  word  “wholesome.” 

Why  IS  twice  ten  like  twice  eleven  ? Ans. — Because  twice  ten  make 
twenty  and  twice  eleven  make  twenty-two,  (twent}^,  too.) 

When  should  we  read  the  book  of  Nature  ? Ans, — When  Autumn  turns 
the  leaves. 

What  is  that  which  denotes  the  state  of  the  mind  and  of  the  body  ? 
Ans. — The  tongue. 

Why  is  early  grass  like  a penknife?  Ans. — Because  the  spring  brings 
out  the  blades. 

When  is  a horse  like  a house  ? Ans. — When  he  has  blinds  on. 

What  was  the  difference  between  Noah’s  Ark  and  Joan  of  Arc?  Ans.— 
One  was  made  of  wood,  the  other  was  Maid  of  Orleans. 

When  giving  invitations  to  a dancing  party,  what  single  word  will  tell 
the  hour  to  begin  dancing?  Ans. — At-ten-dance,  (attendance.) 

When  does  a farmer  double  up  a sheep  without  hurting  it  ? Ans. — When 
he  folds  it. 

Why  is  the  Kmperor  of  Russia  like  a greedy  schoolboy  on  Christmas 
day?  Ans. — Because  he’s  confounded  Ilung-a-ry  and  longs  for  Turkey. 

What  must  you  add  to  IX  to  make  it  six.  Ans. — The  letter  S. 


CONUNDRUMS.  31 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  auction  and  sea-vsickness  ? Ans. — One 
is  the  sale  of  effects,  the  other  is  the  effects  of  the  sail. 

Whj^  is  it  easy  to  force  your  way  into  an  old  man’s  house  ? Ans. — 
Because  his  gait  (gate)  is  broken  and  his  locks  are  few. 

What  is  the  hardest  tax  to  raise  ? Ans. — “Carpet  tacks,’’  (tax.) 

Why  is  a very  amusing  man  like  a bad  shot  ? Ans. — Because  he  keeps 
the  game  alive. 

What  did  Caesar  die  of?  Ans. — Too  many  Roman  punches. 

What  is  that  which  we  often  catch,  yet  never  see  ? Ans. — A passing 
remark. 

Which  is  the  strongest  day  in  the  week  ? Ans. — Sunday ; all  the  rest 
are  week  (weak)  days. 

Why  is  Berlin  the  most  dissipated  city  in  Europe  ? Ans. — Because  it  is 
always  on  the  Spree,  (the  river  so  called.) 

Why  can  you  be  absolutely  certain  that  a blacksmith  is  a horse  ? Ans.— 
Because  he  is  a horse,  sure  (horse-shoer) . 

What  is  the  difference  between  stabbing  a man  and  killing  a pig? 
Ans. — The  man  was  assaulted  with  intent  to  kill.  The  pig  was  killed  with 
intent  to  salt. 

Why  are  corn  and  potatoes  like  Chinese  idols  ? Ans. — Because  they 
have  ears  but  can’t  hear,  and  eyes  but  can’t  see. 

What  color  was  the  cruiser  Maine  when  in  the  harbor  at  Havana  ? 
Ans. — (Blue)  blew  from  the  bottom  up. 

A Chinaman  went  into  a hat  store,  while  being  fitted  to  a cap,  what 
General  and  Admiral  did  they  mention  ? Ans.— Salesman— “Fitz  Hugh  Lee” 
(fits  you  Lee).  Chinaman — “Dewey”  (does  it). 

Why  is  Queen  Victoria  like  very  wet  weather  ? Ans. — Because  she  reigns 
and  reigns  (rains)  and  does  not  give  the  son  a chance. 

When  a young  man  calls  upon  his  sweetheart,  what  should  he  carry 
with  him  ? Ans. — Affection  in  his  heart,  perfection  in  his  manners  and  con- 
fectionery in  his  pockets. 

What  must  all  the  letters  of  the  alphabet  be  in  order  to  possess  infinite 
sagacity?  Ans. — Wise,  (y’s)  yyur,  yyub,  icuryy  for  me. 

Too  wise  you  are,  too  wise  you  be, 

I see  you  are  too  wise  for  me. 

What  did  they  find  under  the  Maine  (mane)?  Ane. — A horse’s  neck. 


32  CONUNDRUMS. 

What  kind  of  essence  does  a yoiin/T^  man  like  when  he  jx)ps  the  ques- 
tion ? Ans. — Acquiescence. 

Is  there  anything  which  no  locomotive  is  heavy  enough  to  drnw? 
Ans. — Yes,  a train  of  thought. 

What  are  the  two  battering  rams  of  good  and  evil  ? Ans. — The  tongue 
and  pen. 

How  can  you  make  a tall  man  short  ? Ans.—Try  to  borrow  money  of 
him. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a life  of  leisure  and  a life  of  idleness  ? 
Ans. — They  are  the  same  thing,  only  different  titles. 

What  is  it  that  every  man  hath  in  his  head  ? Ans. — His  cricket,  which 
he  makes  sing  as  he  pleases. 

Why  should  women  make  better  firemen  than  men  ? Ans. — Because 
they  are  accustomed  to  the  use  of  longer  hose. 

What  did  the  blind  man  say  to  the  policeman  when  he  told  him  he  would 
arrest  him  if  he  did  not  move  on  ? Ans. — “I’d  just  like  to  see  you.” 

Why  is  the  Mississippi  the  most  eloquent  of  rivers  ? Ans. — Because  it 
has  a dozen  mouths. 

Why  is  a Chinaman  never  perplexed  ? Ans. — Because  no  matter  where 
he  finds  himself,  he  alwa^^s  has  his  cue. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a man  and  his  boots  ? Ans. — The  boots 
get  tight  by  imbibing  water,  but  he  doesn’t. 

In  what  respect  are  flowers  and  rich  men  alike  ? Ans. — They  both  fling 
their  wealth  upon  the  vacant  air,  (heir). 

Why  is  snow  like  a maple  tree  ? Ans. — Because  it  leaves  in  the  early 
spring. 

Why  would  a person  not  like  to  gaze  on  the  Niagara  forever?  Ans. — 
Because  they  would  always  have  a cataract  in  the  eye. 

In  law  courts  what  relation  are  the  judges,  sergeants  and  counselors  to 
each  other  ? Ans. — They  are  brothers — brothers-in-law. 

What  is  the  longest  word  in  the  English  language?  Ans. — Smiles, 
because  there  is  a mile  between  the  first  and  last  letters. 

What  is  said  to  be  the  bone  of  contention  ? Ans. — The  jaw-bone. 

What  is  that  which,  supposing  its  greatest  breadth  to  be  four  inches, 
length  nine  inches  and  dcj)th  three  inches,  contains  a solid  foot  ? Ans. — A 
shoe. 


CONUNDRUMS,  33 

Why  should  the  robins  in  their  nests  agree?  Ans. — Because  if  they  did 
not  they  would  fall  out. 

Why  is  a meerschaum  pipe  like  a water-color  artist?  Ans. — Because  it 
draws  and  colors  beautifully. 

Why  are  conundrums  and  riddles  like  monkeys?  Ans. — Because  they  are 
far  fetched  and  full  of  nonsense. 

Why  does  a lady  think  her  husband  a Hercules?  Ans. — Because  he  can’t 
get  on  without  his  “club.” 

What  is  it  that  is  taken  from  a mine  and  shut  up  in  a wooden  case,  from 
which  it  is  never  released,  and  yet  it  is  used  by  everybod^^?  Ans. — A lead 
pencil. 

What  word  taken  either  backward  or  forward,  one-half  will  make  a 
number,  the  other  a snare?  Ans. — Ten-net. 

Why  is  playing  chess  a better  occupation  than  playing  cards?  Ans. — 
Because  you  play  chess  with  two  bishops  and  cards  with  four  knaves. 

Why  do  men  go  out  of  the  theatre?  Ans. — Because  some  plays  are  so 
solemn  that  the  men  have  to  go  out  to  smile. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a long  and  a short  yarn?  Ans. — The 
difference  of  one’s  feelings  in  holding  a skein  for  one’s  grandmother  and  one’s 
sweetheart. 

What  does  the  husband  do  who  misses  a train  he  has  promised  his  wife 
to  return  by?  Ans. — “Catches  it,”  when  he  gets  home. 

Why  should  Pope  Leo  XIII.  be  a very  unlucky  man?  Ans. — Because  he 
is  alwaj^s  the  thirteenth  at  table. 

What  is  pitch  chiefly  used  for  in  the  United  States?  Ans. — For  pitching 
tents. 

Why  should  the  superintendent  of  a printing  establishment  be  considered 
the  best  read  man  going?  Ans. — Because  there’s  proof  that  he  reads  every 
hour  of  the  day. 

Who  is  the  man  who  invariably  finds  things  dull?  Ans. — The  scissor- 
grinder. 

Why  don’t  foreign  noblemen  marry  poor  American  girls  as  well  as  rich 
ones?  Ans. — They  have  no  principal,  hence  no  interest,  and  without  either 
a poor  girl  cannot  bank  account  (a  count). 

Why  is  Westminster  Abby  like  an  ash-pit?  Ans. — Because  it  contains 
the  ashes  of  the  great, ^(grate). 


34 


CONUNDRUMS. 


Is  there  anything  the  man  with  a kodak  can’t  take  ? Ans. — Yes;  a hint. 

What  is  the  greatest  feat  in  the  eating  way,  ever  known  ? Ans. — That 
recorded  of  a man  who  commenced  by  bolting  a door,  after  which  he  threw 
up  a window,  and  then  sat  down  and  swallowed  a whole  story. 

What  does  the  agriculturist  find  by  experience  is  the  hardest  thing  to 
raise  on  a farm  ? Ans. — The  money  to  run  it. 

Why  are  two  T’s  like  hops  ? Ans. — Because  if  put  in  the  center  of  beer 
makes  it  better. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  French  pastry  cook  and  a bill  sticker? 
Ans. — One  puffs  up  the  paste,  the  other  pastes  up  the  puffs. 

What  do  lawyers  do  when  they  die  ? Ans. — Lie  still. 

Why  is  the  Isthmus  of  Suez  like  the  first  U in  cucumber  ? Ans. — Because 
it  is  between  two  seas,  (C’s.) 

If  I were  in  the  sun  and  you  were  out  of  it  what  would  the  sun  become? 
Ans. — Sin. 

When  is  a thief  like  a reporter  ? Ans. — When  he  takes  notes. 

When  was  wit  a father?  Ans. — When  a pun  became  apparent  (a  parent). 

Who  was  the  unfortunate  speculator?  Ans.— Jonah,  because  he  got 
sucked  in. 

What  did  the  seven  wise  men  of  Greece  do  when  they  met  the  sage  of 
Hindoostan.  Ans. — Eight  saw  sages  (ate  sausages). 

Why  is  the  law  like  a flight  of  rockets?  Ans. — Because  there  is  great 
expense  of  powder,  the  cases  are  well  got  up,  the  reports  are  excellent,  but 
the  stocks  are  sure  to  come  to  the  ground. 

Why  is  a proof-reader  like  a man  sent  to  jail  for  drunkenness?  Ans. — 
Because  he  serves  in  the  house  of  correction. 

Why  would  an  owl  be  offended  at  3’our  calling  him  a pheasant?  Ans. — 
Because  you  would  be  making  game  of  him. 

Why  is  a clergyman’s  horse  like  a king?  Ans. — Because  he  is  guided  by 
a minister. 

Why  does  the  conductor  cut  a hole  in  your  railroad  ticket?  Ans.— To 
let  you  pass  through. 

What  is  that  nobody  wishes  for,  but  if  he  has  it  he  wants  to  gain  it, 
and  if  he  gains  it  he  has  it  no  more?  Ans.— A lawsuit.* 


CONUNDRUMS.  35 

Why  are  book-keepers  like  chickens?  Ans. — Because  they  have  to 
scratch  for  a living. 

What  is  the  greatest  eye  sore  in  a farm  yard?  Ans.  - A pig-sty. 

If  a young  lady  who  has  a beautiful  full  blown  rose  should  eat  it  leaf  by 
leaf  what  would  the  rose  resemble  ? Ans. — A Rosette,  (Rose-ate.) 

If  you  had  to  swallow  a man  what  kind  would  you  prefer?  Ans. — A 
little  London  porter. 

What  is  better  than  God,  worse  than  the  devil,  the  dead  live  on,  and 
the  living  would  die  if  they  lived  on?  Ans. — Nothing. 

Which  is  swifter,  heat  or  cold?  Ans. — Heat,  because  you  can  always 
catch  cold. 

Why  is  a restless  man  in  bed  like  a lawyer?  Ans. — Because  he  lies  on 
one  side,  then  turns  around  and  lies  on  the  other,  and  remains  wide  awake 
all  the  time. 

If  all  the  women  went  to  China,  where  would  the  men  go?  Ans. — To 
Pekin. 

When  may  bread  be  said  to  be  alive?  Ans. — When  it  has  a little  Indian 
in  it. 

What  is  that  which  has  neither  flesh  nor  blood,  yet  has  four  fingers  and 
a thumb?  Ans. — A glove. 

Who  were  the  shortest  men  spoken  of  in  the  Bible?  Ans. — Nehemlah, 
(knee-high-miah),  and  Beldad  the  Shuhite,  (shoe-height.) 

When  was  Napoleon  First  most  shabbily  dressed?  Ans. — When  out  a^ 
Elba,  (elbow.) 

How  was  Adam  and  Eve  prevented  from  gambling?  Ans. — Their  pair 
o’  dice  was  taken  away  from  them. 

Where  is  it  mentioned  in  the  Bible  of  playing  cards?  Ans. — When 
Neb-euchard-nezzar  (Nebeuchadnezzar)  the  Great. 

Why  is  a prudent  man  like  a pin?  Ans. — Because  his  head  prevents  him 
from  going  too  far. 

What  is  it  that  a man,  no  matter  how  smart  he  is,  overlooks?  Ans. — 
His  own  nose. 

Why  is  a clock  the  most  modest  thing  in  creation?  Ans. — Because  it 
alwa^'s  keeps  its  hands  before  its  face,  and  however  well  it  goes,  is  always 
running  itself  down 


36 


CONUNDRUMS. 


What  was  it  a blind  man  took  at  breakfest  which  restored  his  sight? 
Ans. — He  took  a cup  and  saw,  sir,  (saucer.) 

What  is  it  we  all  require,  what  we  all  give,  what  we  occasionally  ask 
for,  yet  very  seldom  take  ? Ans. — Advice. 

Why  is  a judge’s  nose  like  the  middle  of  the  earth  ? Ans. — Because  it  is 
the  centre  of  gravity. 

Which  is  the  most  moral  musical  instrument  ? Ans. — An  upright  piano. 

Why  is  a stick  of  candy  like  a race  horse  ? Ans. — The  more  you  lick  it 
the  faster  it  goes. 

A blind  beggar  had  a brother,  and  that  brother  died  ; now  what  relation 
was  the  blind  beggar  to  the  brother  that  died  ? Ans. — His  sister,  as  the 
blind  beggar  was  a woman. 

When  Queen  Elizabeth  was  ill  how  did  she  take  her  powders  ? Ans. — 
In  cider  (inside  her) . 

Why  may  we  suppose  that  Noah  had  beer  in  the  ark  ? Ans. — Because 
the  kangaroo  went  in  with  hops,  and  the  bear  was  always  bruin. 

What  is  that  which  we  often  return  yet  never  borrow  ? Ans. — Thanks. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a bee  and  a donkey  ? Ans. — One  gets  all 
the  honey,  the  other  gets  all  the  whacks,  (wax.) 

When  a colored  waiter  drops  a platter  of  roasted  turkey,  why  does  it 
create  a great  continental  disaster?  Ans. — Because  it  is  the  fall  of  Turkey, 
the  overthrow  of  Greece,  the  ruin  of  Africa,  and  the  breaking  up  of  China. 

Why  is  a large  log  lying  across  the  street  like  a dead  dog’s  tail  ? Ans. — 
Because  it  stops  a wagon,  (waggin.) 

What  is  the  difference  between  a postage  stamp  and  a donkey  ? Ans. — 
The  stamp  you  stick  with  a lick  and  the  donkey  you  lick  with  a stick. 

What  was  the  color  of  the  wind  and  waves  in  a storm  ? Ans. — The 
wind  blue,  the  waves  rose. 

What  is  that  which  we  receive  without  thanks,  which  we  enjoy  without 
knowing  how,  which  we  bestow  on  others  without  knowing  where  it  is  to 
be  found,  and  which  we  loose  without  being  sensible  of  its  loss  ? Ans. — Life. 

Why  was  Blackstone  like  an  Irish  vegetable  ? Ans. — Because  he  was  a 
common  tatur,  (commentator.) 

What  vegetable  grows  underground  which  is  skilled,  part  of  a needle  and 
to  suffocate  ? Ans.— Artichoke  (art-i-choke). 


CONUNDRUMS.  37 

Why  are  parliamentary  reports  called  “ Blue  Books  ” ? Ans. — Because 
they  are  never  re(a)d. 

Why  is  a bald  head  like  heaven  ? Ans. — Because  there’s  no  parting  and 
dyeing  there. 

When  is  butter  like  Irish  children  ? Ans. — When  it  is  made  into  little 
pats. 

Why  don’t  they  take  fare  from  policemen  on  the  trolley  cars  ? Ans.— 
Because  they  can’t  get  a nickel  out  of  a copper. 

Why  is  it  dangerous  to  take  a nap  on  the  steam  cars  ? Ans. — Because 
the  cars  run  over  sleepers. 

What  is  we  all  frequently  say  that  we  will  do,  and  no  one  has  ever  yet 
done  ? Ans. — Stop  a minute, 

W’hat  part  of  a fish  weighs  the  most  ? Ans. — The  scales. 

What  is  it  that  stands  aloft  and  regulates  our  daily  movements,  yet 
feels  no  interest  in  our  concern,  directs  us  when  to  go  and  when  to  come, 
yet  cares  not  whether  we  attend  or  not ; still,  thus  indifferent  to  our  fate,  it 
often  strikes  a heavy  blow  to  urge  us  on  ? Ans. — A clock. 

What  is  the  worth  of  woman  ? Ans. — Double  you  O man. 

What  misses  are  of  a very  jealous  temper?  Ans. — Miss  Give,  (misgive) 
and  Miss  Trust,  (mistrust.) 

What  misses  are  those  whose  days  are  always  unlucky  ? Ans. — Miss 
Chance,  (mischance)  and  Miss  Hap,  (mishap.) 

Why  is  a street-car  like  the  heart  of  the  coquette  ? Ans. — Because  there 
is  always  room  for  one  more  to  be  taken  in. 

Why  should  a horse  never  be  hungry  ? Ans. — Because  most  of  the  time 
he  has  a bit  in  his  mouth. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a wise  man  and  a fool  ? Ans. — The  wise 
man  knows  he  knows  nothing,  the  fool  thinks  he  knows  all. 

Of  what  trade  is  a minister  at  a wedding  ? Ans. — A joiner. 

When  is  a newspaper  the  sharpest  ? Ans. — When  it  is  filed. 

What  is  the  largest  room  in  the  world  ? Ans. — The  room  for  improve- 
ment. 

Why  are  a haunted  house,  a bottle  of  alcohol,  a prancing  young  horse, 
and  a corner  tavern  alike  ? Ans. — Because  they  arc  full  of  spirits. 

Why  is  a chrysalis  like  a hot  roll  ? Ans. — Because  it’s  the  grub  that 
makes  the  butter-fly. 


38 


CONUNDRUMS. 


When  is  sugar  like  a pig’s  tooth?  Ans. — When  it’s  in  a hog’s  head. 

Why  should  a minister  be  believed?  Ans. — Because  he  is  nearly  alwa^'s 
accurate,  (a-curate). 

Why  is  the  fly  the  best  one  among  the  grocers’  customers?  Ans. — 
Whenever  he  comes  for  sugar  he  settles  on  the  spot. 

Why  is  a man  after  a wine  supper  like  an  umbrella?  Ans. — He  is 
always  used  up. 

What  does  Santa  Claus  put  in  his  own  stockings?  Ans. — A pair  of 
fattened  calves. 

When  is  a hat  not  a hat?  Ans. — When  it  becomes  a young  man  or  a 
young  lady. 

How  do  the  Jews,  the  Moors  and  the  Christians  spend  money?  Ans.— 
The  Jews  spend  at  Easter,  the  Moors  at  marriages  and  the  Christians  in 
suits  of  law. 

Why  are  laws  like  the  ocean?  Ans. — The  most  trouble  is  caused  by  the 
breakers. 

When  does  a man  shave  with  a silver  razor?  Ans. — When  he  cuts  off  his 
heir  with  a shilling. 

What  is  it  you  must  keep  after  giving  it  to  another?  Ans. — Your  word. 

What  coat  is  finished  without  buttons  and  put  on  wet?  Ans. — A coat 
of  paint. 

What  is  the  most  popular  paper  at  the  summer  resorts?  Ans. — Fly- 
paper. 

What  happens  to  the  man  who  is  given  an  aflront?  Ans. — He  is  usually 
taken  aback. 

What  trade  does  the  sun  follow  in  the  month  of  May?  Ans. — Mason 
(May-sun). 

When  does  man  feel  girlish?  Ans. — When  he  makes  his  maiden  speech. 

Why  is  a cabbage  run  to  seed  like  a lover?  Ans. — Because  it  has  lost 
its  heart. 

What  is  that  which  Adam  only  of  all  mankind  never  saw,  and  never 
j)ossessed?  Ans. — Parents. 

Why  is  a sheep  like  a professional  gambler?  Ans. — Because  he  is  brought 
up  on  the  turf,  gambols  in  his  youth,  herds  with  blacklegs,  and  is  fleeced  at 
last. 


CONUNDRUMS, 


39 


In  what  respect  does  a piano-lamp  revSemble  a society-club  man?  Ans. — 
It  has  a good  deal  of  brass  about  it,  requires  much  attention,  is  not 
remarkably  brilliant,  is  something  unsteady  upon  its  legs,  liable  to  explode 
when  only  half  full,  flares  up  occasionally,  is  always  out  at  bed-time;  and 
is  bound  to  smoke. 

Why  is  a committee  of  inquiry  like  a cannon?  Ans. — It  makes  a report. 

What  object  has  two  heads  and  one  body?  Ans. — A barrel. 

What  word  is  there  which  contains  all  the  vowels  and  in  their  proper 
order?  Ans. — Facetiously. 

Why  is  a woman  deformed  when  mending  her  stockings?  Ans. — Because 
her  hands  are  where  her  feet  ought  to  be. 

Why  is  a hat  like  a king?  Ans. — Because  it  has  a crown. 

What  great  Scotchman  would  you  name  if  (John)  your  footman 
knocked  at  the  door?  Ans.-— John  Knox. 

Why  does  a stingy  German  like  mutton  better  than  venison?  Ans. — 
Because  he  prefers  “zat  vich  is  sheep  to  zat  vich  is  deer.” 

Which  would  you  rather,  that  a lion  ate  you  or  a tiger?  Ans. — Why, 
you  would  rather  that  the  lion  ate  the  tiger,  of  course. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a light  in  a cave  and  a dance  in  a tavern? 
Ans. — One  is  a taper  in  a cavern  and  the  other  is  a caper  in  a tavern. 

What  is  that  which  though  black  itself  enlightens  the  world.''  Ans.— 

Ink, 

Can  you  tell  me  the  best  way  to  make  the  hours  go  fast?  Ans. — Use  the 
spur  of  the  moment. 

What  is  the  difference  between  love  and  war?  Ans. — One  breaks  heads, 
the  other  breaks  hearts. 

Which  are  the  lightest  men.  Irishmen,  Scotchmen,  or  Englishmen? 
Aub, — In  Ireland  there  are  men  of  Cork;  in  Scotland  men  of  Ayr;  but  in 
England  on  the  Thames  they  have  lighter  men. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a milkmaid  and  a swallow?  Ans. — The 
milkmaid  skims  the  milk,  the  swallow  skims  the  water. 

What  is  that  which  never  asks  any  questions,  but  requires  so  many 
answers?  Ans. — The  door-bell. 

Why  is  love  like  a canal  boat?  Ans. — Because  ’tis  an  internal  transport. 

When  is  a lawyer  like  a donkey?  Ans.— When  drawing  a conveyance. 


40  CONUNDRUMS. 

Why  is  a dog  biting  his  own  tail  like  a good  manager.  Ans. — Because 
he  makes  both  ends  meet. 

Why  are  apples  like  printers’  types.  Ans. — Because  they  are  often  in 
pi  (pie). 

What  is  the  difference  between  M.  De  Rothschild,  the  loan  broker,  and 
King  Herod  ? Ans.— King  Herod  was  king  of  the  Jews  and  Rothschild  was 
Jew  of  the  kings. 

When  is  a schoolboy  like  a postage  stamp?  Ans. — When  he  is  licked 
and  put  in  the  corner  to  make  him  stick  to  his  letters. 

If  Old  Nick  were  to  lose  his  tail,  where  should  he  go  to  supply  the 
deficiency?  Ans. — To  a corner  tavern  or  a gin  palace,  because  there  bad 
spirits  are  re-tailed. 

What  is  majesty,  deprived  of  its  externals?  Ans. — A jest  (ma-jest-y.) 

Why  is  a blush  an  anomaly  ? Ans. — Because  a woman  who  blushes  is 
admired  for  her  cheek. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  honest  and  a dishonest  laundress? 
Ans. — One  irons  your  linen,  the  other  steals  it. 

Why  are  fowls  the  most  economical  things  a farmer  can  keep?  Ans. — 
Because  for  every  grain  they  give  a peck. 

When  may  ladies  who  are  enjoying  themselves  be  said  to  look  wretched? 
Ans. — When  at  the  opera,  as  then  they  are  in  tiers. 

Why  is  a book  3^our  best  friend  and  companion?  Ans. — Because  when 
it  bores  you,  you  can  shut  it  up  without  giving  offense. 

Why  is  a watch  dog  bigger  by  night  than  by  day?  Ans. — Because  he  is 
let  out  by  night  and  taken  in  in  the  morning. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a spendthrift  and  a pillow?  Ans. — One 
is  hard  up,  the  other  soft  down. 

Why  is  the  nose  on  your  face  like  V in  civility?  Ans. — Because  it  is 
between  two  eyes. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  dinner  bell  and  the  belle  of  the  kit- 
chen? Ans. — One  is  made  of  brass  and  the  other  is  maid-of-all-work. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  Prince  of  Wales,  an  orphan,  a bald- 
headed  old  man  and  the  gorilla?  Ans. — The  first  is  heir  apparent,  the  second 
has  ne’er  a parent,  the  third  has  no  hair  apparent,  and  the  fourth  has  an 
hairy  parent. 


CONUNDRUMS.  41 

Why  is  a glass-blower  the  most  likely  person  to  set  the  alphabet  off  at 
a gallop ! Ans. — Because  he  can  make  a D-canter. 

Luke  had  it  first,  Paul  had  it  last;  boys  never  have  it;  girls  have 
it  but  once;  Miss  Sullivan  had  it  twice  in  the  same  place,  but  when  she 
married  Pat  Murphy  she  never  had  it  again?  Ans. — The  letter  L. 

What  is  the  very  best  and  cheapest  light,  especially  for  painters.  Ans. — 
Daylight. 

How  is  a poultry  dealer  compelled  to  earn  his  living?  Ans. — By  fowl- 
means. 

Why  is  a good  man  like  a bright  jewel?  Ans. — Because  all  his  actions 
shine. 

If  you  see  a counterfeit  coin  in  the  street,  why  should  you  always  pick 
it  up?  Ans. — Because  you  may  be  arrested  for  passing  it. 

Why  is  Satan  like  a poker?  Ans. — Because  he  belongs  to  the  fire-place. 

At  what  age  should  a man  marry?  Ans. — At  the  parsonage. 

Why  is  a lawn  mower  like  the  keeper  of  a bucket  shop?  Ans. — Because 
it  shaves  the  green. 

Why  is  a short  negro  like  a white  man?  Ans. — He  is  not  a-tall  black, 
(at  all.) 

Name  the  first  girl  and  boy  mentioned  in  the  Bible?  Ans. — Gen-e-sis 
(Genesis)  and  Chap  I. 

What  is  an  eaves-dropper?  Ans. — The  icicle. 

Why  is  a pastry  cook  like  an  apothecary?  Ans. — He  sells  pies  and 
things,  (poisoned  things.) 

What  is  that  which  every  living  man  hath  seen,  but  never  more  will  see 
again,  I ween?  Ans. — Yesterday. 

Why  is  an  apothecary  like  a wood-cock?  Ans. — Because  he  has  a long 

bill. 

When  is  a nose  not  a nose?  Ans. — When  it  is  a little  radish,  (reddish.) 

Why  is  an  island  like  the  letter  T?  Ans. — Because  it  is  in  the  center  of 
water. 

Why  is  a schoolmaster  like  the  letter  C?  Ans. — He  forms  lasses  into 
classes. 

Why  is  the  letter  L like  dinner?  Ans. — It  comes  before  T,  (tea.) 

Why  is  sin  like  a picture  frame?  Ans.— Because  it  is  gilt,  (guilt.) 


42 


CONUNDRUMS. 


Why  are  the  actions  of  men  like  great  rivers?  Ans. — Because  we  see  the 
cscurse  they  take,  but  not  the  course  from  whence  they  spring. 

Why  is  a beggar  like  an  attorney?  Ans. — He  is  a solicitor. 

What  question  is  that  to  which  you  must  always  answer  yes?  Ans. — 
What  does  YES  spell? 

Why  is  a young  lady  like  a sheaf  of  wheat?  Ans.- -First  she  is  cradled, 
then  thrashed,  and  finally  she  becomes  the  flour  of  the  family. 

I went  out  one  day  to  take  a walk,  and  met  three  beggars ; to  one  I gave 
ten  cents,  to  the  second  I also  gave  ten  cents ; and  to  the  third  I gave  but 
five  cents.  What  time  of  day  was  it,  by  the  amount  I gave  away?  Ans. — 
A quarter  to  three. 

What  is  that  which  is  put  on  the  table  and  cut,  but  is  never  eaten? 
Ans. — A pack  of  cards. 

What  is  that  which  is  full  of  holes  and  yet  holds  water?  Ans. — A 
sponge. 

When  is  a man  obliged  to  keep  his  word?  Ans. — When  no  one  will 
take  it. 

How  many  soft  boiled  eggs  could  a giant  eat  on  an  empty  stomach? 
Ans. — One,  for  after  that  his  stomach  wouldn’t  be  empty. 

Why  does  the  preacher  say  that  there  is  no  marrying  in  Heaven?  Ans.— 
Because  there  wouldn’t  be  enough  men  there  to  go  around. 

Who  was  the  first  straight  man  mentioned  in  the  Bible?  Ans.— Joseph ; 
as  Pharaoh  made  a ruler  of  him. 

When  does  a farmer  perform  a miracle?  Ans. — When  he  turns  his  horse 
to  grass,  and  also  when  he  turns  his  cow  into  pasture. 

Why  was  Joshua  worse  off  than  the  poorest  orphan?  Ans. — He  was  the 
sun  of  Nun,  (none). 

Which  animals  in  Noah’s  ark  were  of  a religious  disposition?  Ans. — 
Those  that  were  beasts  of  prey. 

Why  is  a stormy,  windy  day  like  a child  wdth  a cold  in  its  head?  Ans. — 
It  blows  it  snows,  (it  blows  its  nose). 

What  letter  in  the  alphabet  is  most  useful  to  a deaf  old  woman?  Ans. — 
The  letter  A,  because  it  makes  her  hear. 

Why  are  young  women  like  peas?  Ans. — Because  they  are  at  their  best 
when  they  arc  young  and  tender,  and  green. 

What  is  the  cheapest  feature  of  the  face?  Ans. — Nostrils,  two  for  a 
scent,  (cent). 


CONUNDRUMS,  43 

What  is  imported  to  the  United  States  that  wastes  away  and  was  Eve’s 
temptation?  Ans. — Pineapple  (pine-apple). 

When  were  walking-sticks  first  mentioned  in  the  Bible?  Ans. — When 
Eve  presented  Adam  with  a little  Cain,  (cane). 

Why  is  a baker  a most  improvident  person?  Ans. — Because  he  is  con- 
tinually selling  that  which  he  kneads  himself. 

Why  is  divinity  the  easiest  of  all  professions?  Ans. — Because  it  is  easier 
to  preach  than  to  practice. 

What  is  the  only  thing  some  men  raise  on  their  farms?  Ans. — Mort- 
gages. 

What  is  that  which  occurs  twice  in  a moment,  once  in  a minute,  and  not 
once  in  a thousand  years?  Ans.— The  letter  M. 

What  is  a good  substitute  for  fire  kindling  ? Ans. — Some  of  the  funny 
stories  about  the  fireside,  for  they  are  enough  to  make  even  the  fire  roar. 

Black  and  white  and  red  (read)  all  over.  Ans. — A newspaper. 

What  heavenly  thing  and  what  earthly  thing  does  a rainy  day  most 
affect?  Ans. — The  sun  and  your  boots ; it  takes  the  shine  out  of  both. 

Why  is  a printing  press  like  the  forbidden  fruit?  Ans. — Because  from  it 
springs  a knowledge  of  good  and  evil. 

What  object  is  walking  over  the  water  and  under  the  water,  yet  does 
not  touch  the  water?  Ans. — A woman  crossing  a bridge  over  a river  with 
a pail  of  water  on  her  head. 

A house  full  and  a yard  full,  but  3"ou  can’t  catch  a bowl  full?  Ans.-- 
Smoke. 

If  a young  lady  fell  into  a well,  why  couldn’t  her  brother  help  her  out? 
Ans. — Because  how  could  he  be  a brother  and  assist  her  (a  sister)  too? 

What  is  that  by  losing  an  eye  has  nothing  left  but  a nose?  Ans. — 
Noise. 

What  is  the  brightest  idea  in  the  world?  Ans. — Your  eye  dear,  (i-dea). 

Why  is  the  Louvre  the  cheapest  palace  that  was  ever  built?  Ans. — 
Because  it  was  partly  built  for  one  sovereign,  and  then  finished  for  another. 

Why  is  an  attractive  young  lady  like  a successful  gambler?  Ans. — 
Because  she  has  such  winning  ways. 

What  makes  a pet  dog  wag  his  tail  when  he  sees  his  master? 

Because  he’s  got  one  to  wag. 


Ans. — 


44 


CONUNDRUMS. 


What  lesson  of  life  can  the  small  boy  learn  from  the  fire  engine  ? Ans. — 
It-must  work  or  it  can’t  play. 

Why  is  Ireland  likely  to  become  very  rich  ? Ans. — Because  its  capital  is 
always  doubling  (Dublin). 

Why  can  the  world  be  compared  to  music  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  so  full 
of  sharps  and  flats. 

Why  is  A like  a honeysuckle  ? Ans. — Because  a B follows  it. 

What  is  the  board  of  education  ? Ans. — The  schoolmaster’s  shingle. 

Why  should  an  artist  never  be  short  of  cash  ? Ans. — If  he  knows  his 
business  he  can  always  draw  money. 

Why  is  bread  like  the  sun  ? Ans. — Because  it  rises  from  the  yeast. 

Why  is  a stereoptican  man  a turncoat  ? Ans. — Because  he  is  continually 
changing  his  views. 

How  do  fish  live  in  the  sea  ? Ans. — Why,  as  men  do  on  land,  the  great 
ones  eat  up  the  little  ones. 

Who  whistled  the  first  tune  and  what  was  it  ? Ans. — The  wind.  Over 
the  hills  and  far  away. 

When  is  a thermometer  like  a vegetable  ? Ans. — When  it’s  up  at  eighty, 
(a  potaty.) 

What  letters  of  the  alphabet  are  like  to  come  too  late  for  dinner,  suppos- 
ing the  whole  to  be  invited  ? Ans. — Those  that  come  after  T. 

What  game  is  affixed  to  baggage  ? Ans. — Tag. 

What  game  peremptorily  orders  silence  ? Ans. — Whist. 

Why  are  men  sometimes  like  dough  ? Ans. — It  is  not  because  a woman 
needs  (kneads)  him,  but  because  he  is  hard  to  get  off  her  hands. 

When  is  a newspaper  like  a delicate  person  ? Ans. — When  it  appears 
weekly. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a rooster.  Uncle  Sam  and  the  twentieth 
century  girl  ? Ans. — The  rooster  is  cock-a-do('dle-doo.  Uncle  Sam  is 
yankee  doodlc-doo,  and  the  twentieth  century  girl,  any  dude  ’ll  do. 

Why  can’t  a man  deny  he  has  a price  on  himself?  Ans. — Because  he 
has  frequently  been  sold. 

What  are  the  most  wonderful  things  to  see  ? Ans. — A cow  slip  through 
a fence,  and  a cow  hide  in  a bucket. 


CONUNDRUMS.  45 

Why  is  it  absurd  to  call  a dentist  room  the  (dental  parlor)  ? Ans. — 
Becausie  it  is  the  drawing  room. 

Why  is  a needle  one  of  the  most  persistent  of  forces  ? Ans.— It  always 
has  eye  open  for  business,  and  invariably  carries  its  point. 

Why  should  cocks  be  the  smoothest  birds  known  ? Ans. — Because  they 
always  have  a comb  about  them. 

Why  should  a housekeeper  never  put  the  letter  M into  her  refrigerator  ? 
Ans. — Because  it  will  change  ice  into  mice. 

Why  is  a tennis  player  like  a society  youth  of  limited  means  ? Ans. — 
He  is  obliged  to  miss  the  ball  when  it  comes  high. 

What  will  make  pies  inquisitive  ? Ans, — S will  make  spies  of  them. 

Why  is  a baker  like  some  very  disreputable  people  ? Ans. — Because  he’s 
a loafer  and  a white-cap. 

Why  does  a sculptor  die  a most  horrible  death?  Ans. — Because  he 
makes  faces— and  busts. 

When  is  a river  like  a violin  ? Ans. — When  it  is  bridged. 

Why  are  whigs  and  wigs  alike  ? Ans. — Because  they  both  profess  an 
attachment  to  the  crown. 

What  is  the  singular  fact  about  a blunt  man  ? Ans. — That  he  is  apt  to 
make  the  most  cutting  remarks. 

What  word  makes  you  sick  if  you  take  one  letter  away  ? Ans. — 
Music,  (U-sick.) 

If  Dick’s  father  be  John’s  son,  what  relation  is  Dick  to  John?  An®  — 
His  grandson. 

How  many  sides  are  there  to  a tree  ? Ans. — Two — inside  and  outside. 

Why  does  a miller  wear  a white  hat  ? Ans. — To  cover  his  head. 

Where  is  happine.ss  alwa3^s  to  be  found  ? Ans. — In  the  dictionary. 

What  is  the  oldest  tree  in  England  ? Ans. — The  elder. 

Of  what  trade  is  the  sun  ? Ans. — A tanner. 

Where  did  the  witch  of  Endor  live?  Ans. — At  Endor, 

Who  is  the  greatest  of  home-rulers  ? Ans. — The  baby. 

In  what  place  did  the  cock  crow  so  that  all  the  people  in  the  world  could 
hear  him  ? Ans. — In  Noah’s  Ark. 

What  net  can  only  big  fish  get  into  ? Ans. — The  cabi-net. 


46 


CONUNDRUMS. 


Mr.  Bigger,  Mrs.  Bigger  and  Baby  Bigger,  which  of  this  interesting 
family  is  the  biggest,  and  why  the  biggest  ? Ans. — Baby  Bigger,  because  he 
is  a little  bigger. 

Which  is  the  meanest  and  most  disagreeable  uncle?  Ans. — The  carb- 
uncle. 

What  letter  in  the  Holland  alphabet  makes  the  title  of  a noble  lady  ? 
Ans. — Dutch  S (Duchess). 

Why  is  U the  merriest  letter  in  the  alphabet?  Ans, — Beeause  it  always 
eomes  in  the  midst  of  fun. 

What  is  the  most  expensive  part  ol  a box  of  strawberries?  Ans. — The 
bottom ; it  comes  high. 

What  one  word  in  the  Bible  represents  the  father  ealling  his  son  and  the 
son  answering  him?  Ans. — Benhadad  (Ben-ha-dad). 

If  all  the  letters  in  the  alphabet  were  on  a mountain,  what  letter  would 
leave  first?  Ans. — D would  begin  the  deseent. 

Why  is  there  some  reason  to  doubt  the  existence  of  the  Giant’s  Cause- 
way? Ans. — There  are  so  many  shamroeks  (sham  roeks)  in  Ireland  that 
this  may  be  one  of  the  reasons. 

What  would  a window  say  on  being  smashed  by  a falling  tree?  Ans.— 
“ Oh-tree-mend-us,”  (tremendous). 

From  a number  that’s  odd  cut  off  the  head,  it  then  will  even  be;  its  tail, 
I pray,  next  take  away,  your  mother  then  you’ll  see.  Ans. — Seven,  even, 
eve. 

What  pieee  of  eoin  is  double  its  value  by  deducting  its  half?  Ans. — 
Halfpenny. 

I live  upon  my  own  substanee  and  die  when  I have  devoured  myself. 
Ans. — A candle. 

When  bridal  parties  are  on  the  train,  how  is  it  that  the  cars  jar  and 
rattle  so?  Ans. — The  old  adage  says : The  course  of  true  love  never  did  ruTi 
smooth. 

What  mechanic  never  turns  to  the  left?  Ans. — A wheelwright. 

Why  is  opening  a letter  like  taking  a very  queer  method  of  getting  into 
a room?  Ans.— Because  it  is  breaking  through  the  sealing  (ceiling). 

Why  is  an  artist  stronger  than  a horse?  Ans. — Because  he  can  draw 
the  cajHtol  at  Washington  all  by  himself  and  take  it  clean  away  in  his 
pocket,  if  necessary. 


CONUNDRUMS. 


46a 


If  you  should  go  to  the  postoffice  and  ask  the  clerk  to  put  a stamp  on 
your  letter,  if  he  refused,  what  would  you  do  ? Ans. — On  answering  the 
question  one  is  apt  to  say : “ Why,  I would  stick  it  on  myself.”  Then  say  : 
“ I wouldn’t  stick  it  on  myself,  I would  stick  it  on  the  letter.” 

Why  should  they  employ  prize-fighters  in  the  postoffice  ? Ans. — Because 
they  could  lick  the  postage  stamps. 

Which  part  of  a New  England  doughnut  have  the  health  journals  and 
noted  ph^^sicians  agreed  as  being  the  best  and  most  wholesome  ? Ans. — 
The  hole,  and  the  larger  the  hole  the  better  the  doughnut. 

When  is  a sailor  a very  small  man  ? Ans.— When  he  goes  to  sleep  on  his 
watch. 

Why  is  it  lawful  to  arrest  a man  when  riding  his  bicycle  ? Ans. — Be- 
cause he  pedals  on  the  street  without  a license. 

On  yonder  hill  is  a green  house  and  in  the  green  house  is  a white  house, 
in  the  white  house  is  a red  house,  in  the  red  house  are  a great  many  little 
negroes,  and  colored  people  are  always  happy  in  getting  possession  of  the 
green  house.  Ans. — A watermelon. 

Why  couldn’t  Queen  Victoria  be  buried  in  Trinity  churchyard.  New 
York,  in  1896  ? Ans. — Because  she  wasn’t  dead. 

What  is  it  that  no  one  wishes  to  have  and  yet  when  they  have  it  they 
do  not  wish  to  lose  it  ? Ans. — A bald  head  . 

What  tree  bears  the  most  toothsome  fruit  ? Ans. — Dentistry  (Dentist- 
tree). 

The  name  of  what  character  in  history  does  a person  mention  when 
asking  one  to  put  coal  on  the  fire  ? Ans. — Philip,  the  Great. 

Why  is  a bear’s  tail  like  the  earth  ? Ans. — Because  its  fur  (far)  to  the 
end. 

If  you  were  to  deposit  in  the  bank  on  the  first  day  of  the  month  one 
cent,  and  double  it  every  day,  do  you  think  you  could  raise  enough  money 
to  deposit  on  the  thirty-first  day  ? 

For  example,  March  1st,  1 cent;  2nd,  2 cents;  3rd,  4 cents;  4th,  8 cents; 
5th,  16  cents;  6th,  32  cents;  7th,  64  cents;  8th,  $1.28;  9th,  $2.56;  10th, 
$5.12;  11th,  $10.24;  12th,  $20.48;  13th,  $40.96;  14th,  $81.92;  15th, 
$163.84,  and  so  continue  to  double.  Ans. — One  usually  answers  certainly  I 
can.  Great  is  the  surprise  when  told  that  $10,737,418.24  must  be  deposited. 


46b 


RIDDLES. 


What  English  word  is  there  the  first  two  letters  of  which  signify  a man, 
the  first  three  a woman,  the  first  four  a great  man,  and  the  whole  a great 
woman  ? Ans. — Heroine. 

A farmer  sent  three  sons  to  college.  On  their  return  home,  wishing  to 
see  how  their  college  education  had  fitted  them  for  business,  he  gave  to  his 
youngest  son  ten  eggs,  to  the  second  son  thirty  eggs,  and  to  the  eldest  son 
fifty  eggs.  He  told  them  to  take  their  eggs  to  the  market  to  sell  them  at 
the  same  price,  and  each  to  bring  home  the  same  amount  of  money.  How 
could  the  son  with  ten  eggs  bring  home  the  same  amount  of  money  as  his 
brothers  ? Ans. — On  arriving  at  the  market  they  displayed  the  eggs.  The 
first  customer  came  to  the  youngest  asking  the  price  of  his  eggs.  His  reply 
was  seven  for  a cent.  The  customer  took  one  cent’s  worth,  which  left  him 
three  eggs.  The  second  son  was  asked  the  price  of  his  eggs  and  he  said  the 
same  price  as  my  brother,  seven  for  one  cent.  So  the  customer  took  four 
cents  worth,  which  left  him  two  eggs.  The  eldest  one  was  asked  the  price 
of  his  and  he  said  the  same  price,  seven  for  a cent.  So  the  customer  took 
seven  cents  worth,  which  left  him  one  egg.  On  comparing  notes  they  found 
that  they  had  sold  their  eggs  at  the  same  price  but  did  not  have  the  same 
amount  of  money.  In  the  afternoon  a customer  came  up  to  the  youngest 
son  and  asked  him  the  price  of  his  eggs.  He  replied,  three  cents  apiece. 
The  customer  took  the  three  eggs,  and  with  the  one  cent  he  got  in  the 
morning,  made  him  ten  cents.  The  second  son  sold  his  two  for  three  cents 
apiece,  and  with  the  four  cents  made  him  ten  cents.  The  eldest  son  sold  his 
one  egg  for  three  cents,  which,  with  the  seven  he  made  in  the  morning, 
made  him  ten  cents.  They  returned  home,  each  having  the  same  amount 
of  money,  having  sold  their  eggs  at  the  same  price. 

This  is  a very  nice  trick  for  a company  of  young  people.  One  of  them 
could  say  I have  in  my  possession  an  object  which  has  traveled  thousands 
of  miles  by  land  and  sea,  handled  by  a great  many  people,  and  yet  it  was 
never  seen.  It  has  a house  of  its  own,  but  was  never  outside  of  it.  Now  I 
can  break  open  this  house  and  expose  it,  then  can  make  it  disappear  where 
you  can  never  see  it  again.  Ans. — The  meat  of  a Brazil  nut.  After  the 
parties  are  through  guessing  what  it  is  take  the  nut,  crack  it,  exposing  the 
meat  and  deliberately  eat  it  up. 

Why  docs  a young  lady,  when  riding  her  bicycle,  contradict  herself? 
Ans. — Because  she  toils  not,  yet  see  how  she  is  spinning. 


RIDDLES. 


47 


RIDDLES. 

My  first  is  a game,  my  second  is  what  we  use  our  eyes  for,  my  whole  is 
a State  of  America.  Ans. — Tennes-see. 

My  first  denotes  equality,  my  second,  inferior,  and  my  whole,  superiori- 
ty'. Ans. — Match-less. 

My  first  is  a pronoun,  my  second  is  used  at  weddings,  and  my  whole  is 
an  inhabitant  of  the  deep.  Ans. — Her-ring. 

My  first  is  a preposition,  my  second  is  a tree,  my  third  is  a female’s 
name,  and  my  whole  is  a lodging  for  the  sick.  Ans. — In-fir-Mary. 

Without  my  first  my  second  could  never  have  existed,  and  my  whole  is 
as  old  as  creation.  Ans. — Sun-day. 

My  first  is  used  in  driving,  my  second  is  needy,  my  third  is  a nickname 
and  my  whole  is  a bird.  Ans. — Whip-poor-Will. 

My  first  is  a vehicle,  my  second  is  a preposition,  and  my  whole  is  a ship. 
Ans. — Cab-in. 

My  first  I hope  you  are,  my  second  I see  you  are,  my  whole  I know  you 
are.  Ans. — Wel-come. 

My  first  makes  company,  my  second  shuns  company,  my  third  assembles 
company,  my  whole  puzzles  company  ? Ans. — Co-nun-drums. 

My  first  of  anything  is  half,  my  second  is  complete,  and  so  remains  until 
once  more  my  first  and  second  meet  ? Ans. — Semi-circle. 

My  first  brings  joy  to  all  around; 

My  second  may  bring  sorrow ; 

My  whole  but  once  a 3^ear  is  found, 

And  may  be  yours  to-morrow. 

Ans. — Birth-day. 

My  first  is  but  a name ; 

My  second  is  more  small ; 

My  whole  is  of  so  little  fame, 

It  has  no  name  at  all. 

Ans. — Nameless. 

Legs  I have,  but  seldom  walk ; 

I backbite  all,  yet  never  talk. 

Ans. — A flea. 


48  RIDDLES. 

Say,  which  is  the  handsomest  of  all  the  trees 
That  ever  braved  the  cruel  wintry  breeze ; 

Which  ever  lovely  to  our  eyes  appears, 

And  knows  no  change  through  all  the  rolling  years  ? 

When  this  tree’s  name  you  shall  have  fairly  guessed, 

Say,  which  appears  to  you  the  ugliest  ? 

And  this,  I think,  you’ll  easily  explain. 

Because  the  answer  is  so  very  plain. 

When  these  are  known,  I pray  you  name  the  one, 

Of  all  the  autumn  trees  most  meddlesome; 

Which  sets  all  classes  blindly  by  the  ears. 

However  friendly  to  them  it  appears. 

Next  tell  me  which  defies  old  ocean’s  flood. 

And  by  whose  might  its  leaves  are  best  withstood? 

Inform  me  next  which  tree  will  bid  you  rove  ? 

Which  live  ? and  which  all  modern  maidens  love  ? 

Ans.— The  yew  (you),  the  plane  (plain)  tree,  the  medlar,  the  beech 
(beach)  the  0-range;  the  0-live;  the  tea  tree. 

My  first  makes  all  nature  appear  with  one  face; 

My  second  has  music,  and  beauty,  and  grace  ; 

My  whole,  when  the  winter  hangs  chill  o’er  the  earths 
Is  the  source  of  much  pleasure,  mischief  and  mirth. 

Ans. — Snow-ball. 

I am  the  first,  and  one  of  seven, 

I live  betwixt  the  seas  and  heaven; 

Look  not  below,  for  I am  not  there, 

My  home  is  in  the  ancient  air. 

Come  to  my  second,  behold  how  fair 
I am,  how  bright  and  how  debonair; 

A pleasant  vision  and  a beauty, 

A thing  of  life  and  joy  and  duty ; 

My  youth  is  changed — I live  alone. 

My  views  are  crossed — my  hopes  are  gone; 

My  whole  is  sorrow,  grief  and  woe. 

My  singing  now  is  all  heigh  ho. 

Ans. — A-lass  (alas). 

My  first  is  French,  my  second  English,  and  my  whole  is  Latin.  Ans. — 
La-tin. 


KIDDLES. 


49 


I’m  a singular  creature,  pray  tell  me  my  name. 

I partake  of  my  countrymen’s  glory  and  fame ; 

I daily  am  old,  and  I daily  am  new, 

I am  praised,  I am  blamed,  I am  false,  I am  true ; 

I’m  the  talk  of  the  nation  while  I’m  in  my  prime, 

But  forgotten  when  once  I’ve  outlasted  my  time. 

In  the  morning  no  Miss  is  more  courted  than  I, 

In  the  evening  you  see  me  thrown  carelessly  by. 

Take  warning  ye  fair — I,  li^e  you,  have  my  day; 

But  alas ! you,  like  me,  must  grow  old  and  decay. 

Ans. — A newspaper. 

In  marble  halls  as  white  as  milk. 

Lined  with  a skin  as  soft  as  silk. 

Within  a fountain  crystal  clear, 

A golden  apple  does  appear  ; 

No  doors  there  are  in  this  stronghold. 

Yet  thieves  break  in  and  steal  the  gold. 

Ans. — Yolk  of  an  egg. 

I tremble  with  each  breath  of  air. 

And  yet  can  heaviest  burdens  bear  ; 

’Tis  known  that  I destroyed  the  world, 

And  all  things  in  confusion  hurled ; 

And  yet  I do  preserve  all  in  it 
Through  each  revolving  hour  and  minute. 

Ans. — Water. 

I daily  breathe,  say  what  you  will. 

And  yet  I have  no  life ; 

I kindle  feuds,  but  never  kill. 

Nor  eause  the  smallest  strife. 

Ans. — A bellows. 

In  spring  I look  gay,  dressed  in  handsome  array. 

But  in  summer  more  clothing  I wear ; 

When  colder  it  grows  I throw  off  my  clothes, 

And  in  winter  quite  naked  appear. 


Ans. — A Tree. 


50 


RIDDLES, 


My  number,  definite  and  known, 

Is  ten  times  ten,  told  ten  times  o’er; 

One-half  of  me  is  one  alone. 

The  other  exeeeds  all  eount  and  score. 

Ans. — Thou-sand. 

I am  often  found  in  loss,  but  not  in  gain, 

If  3'ou  search  there  ’twill  be  in  vain  ; 

I am  found  in  honor,  but  not  in  day. 

What  1 am  perhaps  you  now  can  say. 

Ans.—The  letter  O. 

Why  does  a man  named  Hill,  riding  a bicycle,  have  the  advantage  over  a 
high  hill  by  the  roadside  ? Ans. — Because  the  road  runs  over  the  foot  of  the 
hill  and  it  cannot  move  on,  while  he  can  seat  a hill  on  his  bicycle  and  with 
the  foot  wheel  off  the  brow  of  the  hill. 

There’s  a word  composed  of  three  letters  alone. 

Which  reads  backwards  and  forwards  the  same ; 

It  expresses  the  sentiment  warm  from  the  heart. 

And  to  beauty  lays  principal  claim. 

Ans. — Eye. 

I have  but  one  eye,  and  that  eye  without  sight. 

Yet  it  helps  me  whatever  I do ; 

I’m  sharp  without  wit,  without  senses  I’m  bright. 

The  fortune  of  some,  and  of  some  the  delight. 

And  I doubt  not  I’m  useful  to  you. 

Ans. — A needle. 

I should  be  sharp  if  I am  used. 

If  dull,  I’m  cast  aside; 

By  boys  and  girls  I’m  much  abused. 

And  yet  I am  their  pride. 

A part  of  me  is  made  of  wood. 

And  part  in  earth  is  found. 

And  both  together  firmly  glued. 

Are  sent  the  whole  world  round. 

Ans. — Lead  pencil. 


RIDDLES, 


51 


AN  OLD  RIDDLE. 

There  was  a man  of  Adam’s  race, 

Who  had  a curious  dwelling  place ; 

He  had  a house  all  covered  o’er, 

Where  no  man  dwelt  since  n’er  before. 

It  was  not  made  by  man  of  art. 

Nor  brick,  nor  stone  in  any  part ; 

Nor  rock,  nor  lime,  nor  laths  nor  tin,  X 

But  curiously  it  was  wrought  within. 

’Twas  not  in  heaven,  nor  yet  in  hell, 

Nor  on  the  earth  where  mortals  dwell ; 

Now  if  you  know  this  man  of  fame. 

Tell  where  he  lived  and  what’s  his  name. 

Ans.— Jonah  in  the  whale’s  belly. 

Formed  long  ago,  yet  made  to-day, 

I’m  most  employed  while  others  sleep; 

What  none  would  like  to  give  away. 

Yet  no  one  likes  to  keep.  Ans. — A bed. 

Who  are  all  the  shavers  in  the  world  ? 

ANSWERS. 

The  barber  shaves  with  polished  blade; 

The  merchant  shaves  in  constant  trade ; 

The  broker  shaves  on  twenty  per  cent.; 

The  landlord  shaves  by  raising  rent ; 

The  doctor  shaves  in  patent  pills  ; 

The  tapster  shaves  in  pints  and  gills; 

The  farmer  shaves  in  hay  and  oats  ; 

The  banker  shaves  on  his  own  notes; 

The  lawyer  shaves  both  friends  and  foes; 

The  peddler  shaves  where’er  he  goes ; 

The  office-holder  shaves  the  nation  ; 

The  parson  shaves  in  men’s  salvation; 

The  wily  churchman  shaves  his  brother ; 

The  people  all  shave  one  another. 


52 


RIDDLES. 


OUT  OF  THE  PAST. 

Here  is  an  old  English  riddle  called  the  “ Bishop  of  Oxford’s  Kiddle.” 

1.  I have  a trunk.  Ans. — My  body. 

2.  It  has  two  lids.  Ans. — Eye  lids. 

3.  And  two  caps.  Ans. — Kneecaps. 

4.  Two  musical  instruments.  Ans. — Drums. 

5.  Two  established  measures.  Ans. — Feet. 

6.  A great  number  of  articles  carpenters  cannot  do  without.  Ans.— 

Nails. 

7.  I have  always  about  me  a couple  of  good  fish.  Ans.— Soles. 

8.  A great  number  of  small  shell  fish.  Ans.— Muscles. 

9.  Two  lofty  trees.  Ans. — Palms. 

10.  Some  fine  flowers.  Ans. — Tulips. 

11.  Two  playful  domestic  animals.  Ans.— Calves. 

12.  A number  of  small  wild  animals.  Ans. — Hairs. 

13.  A fine  stag.  Ans. — Heart,  (hart.) 

14.  A number  of  whips  without  handles.  Ans.— Lashes. 

15.  Some  weapons  of  warfare.  Ans. — Arms. 

16.  A number  of  weathercocks.  Ans. — Veins. 

17.  An  entrance  to  a hotel.  Ans. — Innsteps. 

18.  At  a political  meeting  on  the  verge  of  a division.  Ans. — Eyes  and 

nose. 

19.  Two  students.  Ans. — Pupils. 

20.  A number  of  Spanish  grandees.  Ans. — Tendons. 

21.  A big  wooden  box.  Ans. — Chest. 

22.  Two  fine  buildings.  Ans. — Temples. 

23.  Product  of  camphor  tree.  Ans. — Gums. 

24.  A piece  of  English  money.  Ans. — Crown. 

25.  An  article  used  by  artists.  Ans.^ — Palate. 

26.  Boat  used  in  racing.  Ans. — Scull. 

27.  Used  in  crossing  a river.  Ans. — Bridge  of  nose. 

28.  Pair  of  blades  without  handles.  Ans. — Shoulders. 

29.  Twelfth  letter  of  alphabet  finished  with  bows.  Ans. — Elbows. 

30.  Instruments  used  in  church  music.  Ans. — Organs. 

31 . Fastenings  for  the  whole,  a part  of  music.  Ans. — Chords. 


RIDDLES.  53 

1.  What  is  it,  that  hands  have  they  yet  they  steal  not.  Ans. — Clocks. 

2.  Legs  have  they  yet  they  walk  not.  Ans. — Tables. 

3.  Teeth  have  they  yet  they  chew  not.  Ans. — Combs. 

4.  Lips  have  they  yet  they  kiss  not.  Ans. — Pitchers. 

5.  Eyes  have  they  yet  they  see  not.  Ans. — Needles. 

6.  Hearts  have  they  yet  they  pity  not.  Ans. — Cabbages. 

7.  Ears  have  they  yet  they  hear  not.  Ans. — Old  book  leaves. 

8.  Arms  have  they  yet  they  toil  not.  Ans. — Chairs. 


A FISH  POND, 

The  declaration  that  I drag  a cask.  Ans. — Halibut,  (haul  I but.) 

What  a lady  prizes  highly  after  she  is  betrothed.  Ans. — Her-ring. 

A sharp  lance.  Ans. — Pike. 

An  animal  and  what  he  becomes  when  a wolf  catches  him.  Ans.— 
Lam-prey. 

Possessed  and  a place  for  boats.  Ans. — Haddock. 

A fish  whose  name  implies  reproof.  Ans. — Carp. 

Something  found  in  the  henhouse.  Ans. — Perch. 

A sullen  look.  Ans. — Pout. 

Assistance.  Ans. — Sucker,  (succor.) 

There  is  a natural  productor  which  exists  from  two  to  six  feet  from  the 
earth;  that  is  neither,  vegetable,  animal,  male  nor  female  yet  commonly 
exists  between  both.  Is  found  in  the  new  testament,  highly  recommended 
in  the  old,  and  serves  two  purposes — fidelity  and  treachery.  Ans. — A kiss. 
Kissing  is  natural  and  exists  from  an  infant  up  to  manhood — etc.  etc. 

I am  neither  beast,  bird  or  man,  yet  I am  an  animated  being.  I began 
my  existence  in  the  beginning  of  the  world.  I am  frail  and  weak  yet  I model 
the  destines  of  nations  I am  found  in  all  the  habitable  world.  Seldom  in 
front  of  battle  but  often  follow  among  the  dead  and  dying.  I am  found  in 
prisons  and  palaces,  among  the  rich  and  poor.  I have  witnessed  the 
struggles  of  the  gladiator  and  the  death  of  the  martyr.  My  influence  is  felt 
by  the  king  and  the  beggar.  I was  with  the  disciples  at  the  foot  of  the  cross. 
Can  you  guess  from  this  who  or  what  I am  ? Ans. — A woman. 

‘‘ON  STANLEY  ON.’' 

Were  I in  brave  Stanley’s  place 
A word  you’d  soon  descry, 

Which  would  bring  a tear  to  every  eye. 


Ans. — On-i-om 


54 


RIDDLES. 


RIDDLES  ON  FLOWERS  AND  SHRUBS. 

What  are  the  most  fragrant  letters  in  the  alphabet  ? Ans. — Sweet  Peas. 

Why  is  Attar  of  roses  never  moved  without  orders  ? Ans. — Because  it  is 
sent  (scent)  wherever  it  goes. 

If  you  plant  two  angry  rooks,  what  will  come  up?  Ans. — Crow  cusses, 
(crocusses. ) 

Why  is  it  dangerous  to  go  in  the  woods  in  spring  ? Ans. — Because  the 
bullrush  is  out,  the  cow-slips  around,  the  grasses  have  blades,  the  flowers 
have  pistils  and  the  little  twigs  are  shooting. 

Rare  bloom  and  fragrance  has  my  First, 

But  does  not  lack  its  briery  thorn. 

My  Second  is  the  name  of  one. 

Who  has  for  years  the  halo  worn. 

Remembrance  sweet  doth  link  my  Whole 

With  fair  Ophelia’s  guileless  soul.  Ans. — Rosemary. 

What  comes  up  like  a flower  when  you  ])lant  the  setting  sun.  Ans. — The 
morning  glory. 

What  did  JacK  Frost  say  when  he  proposed  to  the  rose-bud  ? Ans. — 

Wilt  thou,  and  it  wilted. 

My  first  is  often  sought  for  my  second  ? Ans. — Marigold. 

My  first  is  as  sharp  as  needles,  my  second  is  as  soft  as  aown  Ans. — 

thistle-down. 

My  first  is  a country  in  Asia,  my  second  is  the  name  of  a prominent  New 
York  family.  Ans. — China-Aster. 

My  first  is  the  name  of  a bird,  my  second  is  worn  by  cavalry  men? 
Ans. — Lark-spur. 

My  first  is  sly  but  cannot  wear  my  second  ? Ans. — Fox-glove. 

My  first  is  an  implement  of  war,  my  second  is  a place  where  money  is 
coined  ? Ans. — Spear-mint. 

My  first  is  a facial  expression  of  pleasure  my  second  a woodsman’s 
means  of  livelihood  ? .Ans. — Smilax. 

My  first  is  a white  wood  my  second  is  the  name  of  a yellowish  Rhenish 
wine?  Ans. — Hollyhock. 

My  first  wears  my  second  on  liis  head  ? Ans. — Coxcomb. 


RIDDLES,  55 

' My  first  is  made  in  the  dairy  but  is  seldom  served  in  my  second  ? Ans. — 
Butter-cup. 

An  animal  of  the  jungle  is  my  first  my  second  is  the  name  of  a tall  fair 
lady  ? Ans.— Tiger-Lily. 

My  first  sticketh  closer  than  a brother  my  second  is  a disrespectful  name 
for  a physician  ? Ans. — Bur-dock. 

My  first  adheres  to  me,  my  second  is  what  ballot  dancers  use  ? Ans. — 
Stick-tight. 

My  first  is  a poorly-clad  beggar,  my  second  is  what  he  is  sent  to  the 
penetentiary  for?  Ans. — Ragged-robin. 

What  flowers  are  there  between  a lady’s  nose  and  chin  ? Ans. — Two 
lips,  (tulips.) 

My  first  is  a bright  color,  my  second  gives  a sound,  and  my  whole  is  a 
wild  flower?  Ans. — A blue-bell. 

My  first  is  formal,  my  second  is  a flower,  and  my  whole  is  a flower? 
Ans. — Prim-rose. 

Without  my  first  you’d  look  very  strange,  my  second  you  much  want 
to  be;  my  whole  is  what  many  a lady  has  worn  at  a ball,  an  assemblage 
or  play  ? Ans. — Nose-gay. 

My  first  is  what  a great  many  ijeoplc  do  for  their  living,  my  second 
gives  the  weight  of  what  brings  comfort  to  the  household  also  what  sup- 
ports animal  life  and  my  whole  is  a beautiful  city.  Ans. — Washington. 

Why  should  a man  troubled  with  gout  make  his  will  ? Ans. — Because 
he  will  then  have  his  leg  at  ease  (legatees.) 

When  is  soup  most  likel3^to  run  out  of  a saucepan  ? Ans. — When  there’s 
a leak  (leek)  in  it. 

Why  is  a pretty  girl  like  a locomotive  engine  ? Ans. — Because  she  sends 
off  the  sparks,  transports  the  mails,  has  a train  following  her  and  passes 
over  the  plain. 

What  three  figures  multiplied  bv  4 will  make  prcciselv  5?  Ans. — 114 
or  125. 

What  is  the  difference  between  twenty-four  quart  bottles  and  four  and 
twenty  quart  bottles  ? Ans. — Fifty-six  quarts  difference. 

By  equal  division  I know  I am  right.  The  half  of  thirteen  you’ll  find 
to  be  eight  XIII.  VIII. 

Twenty-six  (sick)  sheep  in  one  field,  one  died,  how  many  was  left? 
Ans.— Nineteen,  of  course. 


66  AUTHORS. 

AUTHORS. 

Why  is  an  author  the  most  wonderful  man  in  the  world  ? Ans. — Because 
he  is  the  owner  of  many  tales,  and  they  all  come  out  of  his  head. 

What  would  you  expect  to  find  on  a literary  man’s  breakfast  table? 
Ans. — Bacon’s  Remains,  Final  Memorials  of  Lamb,  if  in  season,  and  Shelley 
fragments. 

Why  was  “Uncle  Tom’s  Cabin’’  not  written  by  a woman’s  hand?  Ans. — 
Because  it  was  written  by  Mrs.  Beecher  Stowe,  (Beecher’s  toe.) 

Why  do  we  speak  of  poetic  fire  ? Ans. — Because  if  the  ancient  Scandi- 
navians had  their  “ Scalds,’’  we  have  also  had  our  “ Burns.’’ 

What  best  describes  and  most  impedes  a Christian  Pilgrim’s  Progress? 
Ans. — A Bunyan,  (bunion.) 

What  is  the  most  melancholy  fact  in  the  history  of  Milton  ? Ans. — That 
he  could  “ recite  ” his  poems,  but  not  resight  himself. 

If  a tough  beefsteak  could  talk,  what  English  jDoet  would  it  mention  ? 
Ans. — Chaucer,  (chaw  sir.) 

Why  was  Bulwer  more  likel3^  to  get  tired  of  novel-writing  than  Warren? 
Ans. — Because  Bulwer  wrote  “Night  and  Morning.’’  Warren  only  wrote 
“Now  and  Then.” 

When  is  a slug  like  a poem  of  Tennyson’s  ? Ans. — When  it’s  in  a garden 
(“Enoch  Arden.”) 

If  Rider  Haggard  had  been  Lew  Wallace,  who  would  “ She”  have  been  ? 
Ans. — “Ben-Hur.  ’ ’ 

When  was  Shakespeare  a broker?  Ans. — When  he  furnished  stock 
quotations. 

Why  ought  Shakespeare’s  dramatic  works  be  considered  unpopular? 
Ans. — Because  they  contain  Much  Ado  About  Nothing. 

Why  was  Dickens  a greater  man  than  Shakespeare?  Ans. — Because 
Shakespeare  wrote  well,  but  Dickens  wrote  Weller. 

What  question  of  three  words  may  be  asked  Tennyson  concerning  a 
brother  poet?  Ans. — Watt’s  Tapper’s  Wordsworth,  (What’s  Tapper’s 
words  worth  ?) 

What  author  would  eyeglasses  and  spectacles  mention  to  the  world  if 
they  couldronly  speak  ? Ans. — You  see  by  us,  (Eusebius.) 

Wliy  are  cheese-niitcs  like  a book  of  Bulwers?  Ans. — Because  they  are 
the  Pilgrims  of  the  Rhine. 


MILITARY  CONUNDRUMS.  5 1 

While  watching  the  burning  of  a big  hotel  what  three  authors  would 
you  feel  inclined  to  mention  ? Ans. — Dickens — Howitt — Burns. 

Which  of  the  four  seasons  is  the  most  literary  ? Ans. — Autumn,  for  then 
the  leaves  are  turned,  and  they  are  red,  (read.) 

Why  are  writers  apt  to  have  the  blues  ? Ans. — Because  they  arc  so 
pensive. 

What  American  poet  may  be  considered  ec^ual  to  three-fithsof  the  poets, 
ancient  and  modern,  Ans. — Poe. 


niLITARY  CONUNDRUnS. 

When  are  soldiers  best  able  to  draw  blisters  ? Ans. — When  the3^  are 
mustered  in  the  service. 

When  are  they  good  fishermen  ? Ans. — When  they  have  bay  o’  nets. 

Why  are  their  guns  alwa\^s  safe  ? Ans. — Because  every  one  of  them  have 
a lock. 

What  is  the  best  form  for  a soldier  ? Ans. — Uniform. 

What  is  his  best  uniform  ? Ans. — Right  dress. 

When  is  he  a wagon  maker  ? Ans. — When  he  makes  a wheel. 

When  is  he  like  an  old  Toper  ? Ans* — When  he  re-treats. 

When  is  he  like  a king  ? Ans. — When  he  appears  with  his  pomp-on. 

When  is  he  like  a watch  ? Ans. — When  he  is  on  guard. 

When  is  he  like  a Washington  landlord  ? Ans. — When  he  makes  a heavy 
charge. 

Where  does  the  responsibility  rest  when  a rifle  explodes  ? Ans. — The 
fault  may  be  in  the  breech  though  it  is  charged  to  the  muzzle. 

When  is  a soldier  charitable  ? Ans. — When  he  presents  arms. 

When  is  he  like  a horse  ? Ans. — When  he  draws  a load. 

When  is  he  like  a vehicle  ? Ans. — When  he  makes  a cart-ridge  on  the 
road. 

What  is  one  of  the  rules  of  war  ? Ans. — That  it  is  death  to  stop  a can- 
non ball. 

Why  do  American  soldiers  never  run  away  ? Ans. — Becatise  the\dielong 
to  the  standing  army. 

Why  are  soldiers  usualK*  in  good  company  ? Ans. — They  are  generally 
associated  with  big  guns. 


58 


MILITARY  CONUNDRUMS. 


How  does  a soldier  know  when  it  is  time  to  fight  ? Ans. — When  he  secs 
a battle-me(a)nt. 

What  do  the  bravest  soldiers  fear?  Ans. — A backward  niovcnieiit  to 
the  point  of  attack. 

Why  is  a defeated  array  like  wool  ? Ans. — Because  it  is  worsted. 

Why  are  cowardly  soldiers  like  tallow  candles  ? Ans. — Because  when 
exposed  to  the  fire  they  run. 

When  is  a plant  like  a soldier  ? Ans. — When  it  begins  to  shoot. 

Why  are  authors  who  treat  of  physiognomy  like  soldiers?  Ans.— 
Because  they  write  about  face. 

Why  are  the  makers  of  the  Armstrong  guns  the  greatest  thieves  in  Her 
Majesty’s  service  ? Ans. — Because  they  rifle  all  the  guns,  forge  the  materials, 
and  steel  all  the  gun  breeches. 

What  key  in  music  would  make  a good  officer  ? Ans. — A sharp  major. 

Why  is  fashion  like  a blank  cartridge  ? Ans. — Because  it’s  all  powder 
and  puff. 

Why  are  tired  dogs  like  military  boys  in  their  uniform  ? Ans. — Because 
their  pants  are  all  alike. 

When  may  an  army  be  said  to  be  totally  destro^^ed  ? Ans. — When  its 
soldiers  are  all  in  quarters. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a sailor  and  a soldier?  Ans. — One  tars 
his  ropes,  the  other  pitches  his  tent. 

What  games  are  most  played  by  soldiers  ? Ans. — Hazard  and  Picket. 

Why  is  a newspaper  like  an  army  ? Ans. — Because  it  has  leaders 

columns  and  reviews. 

Why  is  a vine  like  a soldier?  Ans. — Because  it  is  listed,  trained,  has 
tendrils  and  then  shoots. 

What  is  the  difference  be  tween  a potato  and  a soldier  ? Ans. — One  shoots 
from  the  eye,  the  other  from  the  shoulder. 

When  is  a soldier  like  a cannon  ball  ? Ans. — When  he  looks  round,  of 
course. 

When  a ball  leaves  the  mouth  of  a cannon  to  salute  the  setting  sun, 
what  does  the  air  do  ? Ans. — Whistles  “After  the  Ball.’’ 

What  is  the  difference  between  a soldier  and  a fisherman  ? Ans. — One 
bayonets — the  other  nets  a bay. 


CONUNDRUMS  ON  GEORGE  WASHINGTON  59 

CONUNDRUnS  ON  GEORGE  WASHINGTON. 

AVhat  is  the  difference  between  George  Washington’s  time  and  the 
present  time  ? Ans. — 

When  Washington  was  President, 

It  was  cold  as  any  icicle ; 

He  never  on  a railroad  went, 

And  never  rode  a bicycle. 

He  read  by  no  electric  lamp. 

Nor  heard  about  the  Yellow  Stone ; 

He  never  licked  a postage  stamp, 

And  never  saw  a telephone. 

His  trousers  ended  at  the  knees, 

By  wire  he  could  not  send  dispatch ; 

He  filled  his  lamp  with  whale  oil  grease. 

And  never  had  a match  to  scratch. 

But  in  these  days  its  come  to  pass, 

All  work  is  with  such  dashing  done; 

We’ve  all  these  things,  but  then  alas. 

We  seem  to  have  no  Washington. 

What  does  Washington,  D.  C.,  stand  for?  Ans. — Washington,  Dailt!?’ 
of  his  Country. 

When  did  George  Washington  first  take  a carriage?  Ans. — When  he 
took  a hack  at  the  cherrj"  tree. 

What  timbers  was  George  Washington  like  ? Ans. — He  was  sturdy  and 
firm  as  an  Oak,  very  Spruce  in  his  make-up,  and  exceedingly  popular,  (Po{>- 
lar). 

Why  may  we  suppose  that  George  Washington  rode  a bicycle?  Ans. — 
Because  he  ordered  his  men  to  wheel  into  line,  and  their  guns  were  “Ball 
Bearings.” 

Why  is  a man  with  a high  silk  hat  on  and  a bottle  of  mucilage  under  his 
arm  standing  by  a cherry  tree  like  George  Washington  ? Ans. — Because  he 
had  a hatchet  (hat  yet).  One  usually  asks  upon  hearing  the  answer : What 
has  the  bottle  of  mucilage  to  do  with  it  ? Then  you  answer.  Why  that  is 
the  sticker. 

What  geranium  represents  George  Washington’s  wife?  Ans. — Lady 
Washington. 


60 


puzzles;. 


BEWITCHED  EGGS. 

Puncture  the  shell  of  a raw  egg  with  a pin  and  through  the  hole  thus 
made  extract  the  contents.  When  this  shell  has  become  thoroughly  dry 
pour  line  sand  through  the  pin  hole  until  the  egg  is  about  one-fourth  filled. 
Then  seal  up  the  hole  with  white  wax,  and  your  imitation  egg  will  be  as 
natural  in  ap])earance  as  a real  one. 

The  next  time  boiled  eggs  are  served  at  breakfast,  substitute  your  sand 
egg  for  the  one  that  you  take  from  the  dish  and  tell  your  companions  that 
you  are  going  to  make  the  egg  obey  your  slightest  wish.  You  may  make  it 
stand  on  the  edge  of  a knife  or  on  the  rim  of  a glass,  no  matter  whether  you 
put  it  sideways  or  endways. 

The  only  precaution  necessary  is  to  tap  the  egg  gently  every  time  you 
desire  to  place  it  in  any  position,  so  as  to  make  the  sand  settle  at  the  bot- 
tom, and  the  weight  of  the  sand  will  keep  it  as  you  wish  it  to  be.  This  is 
called  the  Obedient  Egg. 

For  a Disobedient  Egg,  with  which  you  may  have  even  more  fun  than 
with  the  obedient  one,  make  the  hole  in  the  shell  large  enough  to  allow  you 
to  introduce  half  an  ounce  of  fine  shot,  together  with  a little  powdered 
sealing  wax. 

This  done,  seal  up  the  hole  neatly  with  white  wax,  and  then  warm  the 
egg  gently  over  the  fire.  This  will  give  you  a fixed  center  of  gravity  in  the 
egg,  and  no  matter  how  you  ma^’  pretend  to  place  it,  the  weight  of  the 
shot,  held  in  a mass  by  the  sealing  wax,  will  drag  it  away  from  its  position 
just  as  soon  as  3^ou  release  it. 

Six  ears  of  corn  are  in  a hollow  stump;  how  long  will  it  take  a squirrel 
to  carry  them  all  out  if  he  takes  out  three  ears  a day  ? Ans. — The  “ catch  ” 
is  on  the  word  ears.  He  takes  out  two  ears  on  his  head  and  one  ear  of  corn 
each  day ; hence  it  takes  six  days. 

If  you  were  to  tie  a donkey  securely  ten  feet  from  a load  of  hay,  how  is 
the  donkey  going  to  eat  his  breakfast  off  of  the  load  of  hay  ? Ans. — (The 
person  guessing  will  say  I can’t  tell,  I give  up)  then  you  must  say,  well, 
that’s  just  what  the  other  donkey  did. 

Can  you  make  a sentence  containingevery  letter  in  the  alphabet  ? Ans. — 
John  (juickly  extemporized  five  tow  bags.  Here  is  another  example:  James 
P.  Brady  gave  me  a black  walnut  box  of  quite  small  size.  Why  does  a 
quick,  nimble  fox  jump  over  the  lazy  dog  ? 


PUZZLES, 


61 


A POULTRY  PROBLEM. 

I bought  some  fowls  the  other  day, 

One  hundred  dollars  did  I pay  ; 

Each  turkey  did  five  dollars  touch, 

Each  goose  did  bring  but  half  as  much ; 

While  chickens,  if  it  must  be  told. 

For  ten  cents  each  were  freely  sold  ; 

One  hundred  fowls  in  all  had  I, 

Of  each  how  many  did  I buy  ? 

Ans. — Twelve  turkeys,  13  geese  and  75  chickens. 

A old  woman 

With intent 

Put  on  her 

And  away  she  went 

! she  cried,  give  me  I pray, 

Something  to  make  me to-day. 

Supply  in  the  blank  spaces  five  words  made  of  the  same  four  letters. 

1.  Vile.  2.  Evil.  3.  Veil.  4.  Levi.  5.  Live. 

Hope  Imoavne  fear.  Ans. — A man  in  love  is  between  hope  and  fear. 

Make  one  word  out  of  these  two  words : Now  dore.  Ans. — One  word 
(using  same  letters), 

A man  having  a fox,  a goose,  and  some  corn,  came  to  a river  which  it 
was  necessary  to  cross.  He  could,  however,  take  only  one  across  at  a 
time,  and  if  he  left  the  goose  and  corn  while  he  took  the  fox  over,  the  goose 
would  eat  the  corn,  but  if  he  left  the  fox  and  goose,  the  fox  would  kill  the 
goose.  How  shall  he  get  them  all  safely  over?  Ans. — First  he  takes  the 
goose  over, and  returns  and  takes  the  fox  over;  then  takes  the  goose  back, 
and  then  takes  the  corn  over ; after  which  he  returns  and  takes  the  goose 
over  again. 

Place  ten  cards  in  a row,  as  they  are  numbered,  1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8,  9, 
10,  and  require  some  one  to  put  them  together  into  piles  of  two  in  each  pile 
by  passing  each  card  over  two  other  cards.  Ans. — Let  the  cards  btf  denoted 
by  the  numbers.  First  place  7 on  10,  5 on  2,  3 on  8,  1 on  4,  and  9 on  6. 

Take  fifty,  add  cipher,  add  five,  add  the  fifth  of  eight,  and  the  total  is 
the  sum  of  human  happiness.  Ans,— LOVE. 


62  GAMES. 

SCRIPTURE  FRUIT  CAKE. 

This  cake  is  very  profitable  to  sell  at  Fairs.  Decorate  it  with  flowers 
and  smilax  and  place  it  where  it  will  attract  attention.  Prepare  the  in- 
gredients the  same  as  for  any  fruit  cake,  by  blanching  the  almonds,  slicing 
the  figs,  stoning  the  raisins,  etc.,  etc.,  beating  all  the  ingredients  thoroughly. 
Cut  the  cake  in  40  or  45  slices  and  have  the  recipe  either  typewritten  or 
printed  in  as  many  copies  as  you  have  slices.  The  price  is  15  cents  for  one 
slice  (with  a copy  of  the  recipe)  or  set  an3^  price  you  choose.  The  ingredi- 
ents will  be  found  mentioned  in  all  the  passages  of  the  Bible  referred  to: 

SCRIPTURE  CAKE. 

One  cup  butter— Judges  V.,  verse  25  ; 31^  cups  flour — I Kings  IV.,  verse 
22;  3 cups  sugar— Jeremiah  VI.,  verse  20;  2 cups  raisins — 1 Samuel  XXX., 
verse  12;  2 cups  figs — 1 Samuel  XXX.,  verse  12;  1 cup  water — Genesis 
XXIV.,  verse  17 ; 1 cup  almonds — Genesis  XXXXIIL,  verse  11;  6 eggs — 
Isaiah  X.,  verse  14;  1 scant  quarter  of  a teaspoonful  of  salt— Leviticus  II., 
verse  13 ; spices  to  taste — Mark  XVI.,  verse  1.  Follow  Solomon’s  advice 
for  making  good  boys  and  you  will  have  a good  cake — Proverbs  XIII.,  24. 

CONUNDRUn  ENTERTAINHENT. 

Write  the  conundrums  on  fancy-shaped  cards,  which  cut  from  a sheet  of 
cardboard ; number  each  one  and  write  the  number  and  answer  on  note- 
paper ; then  put  all  the  cards  in  a fancy  basket  and  tie  the  sheets  of  answers 
together  with  ribbon.  The  cards  are  passed  to  the  guests,  the  hostess  tak- 
ing charge  of  the  answers.  Each  one  in  turn  reads  aloud  the  conundrum 
given  him,  and  the  person  guessing  the  most  answers  gets  a prize. 

CONUNDRUn  SALAD. 

A conundrum  salad  is  a very  entertaining  course  for  guests  at  dinner 
and  may  be  used  with  the  menu  for  a conundrum  supper.  Write  the  conun- 
drum on  slips  of  paper  and  put  a number  in  the  corner  of  each  slip.  Place 
two  or  three  of  these  slips  in  a leaf  of  lettuce,  pressing  it  upon  the  sides  to 
prevent  the  slips  from  falling  out.  Have  the  lettuce  leaves  made  of  green 
crinkled  tissue  paper.  When  finished  place  in  a salad  bowl.  The  answers 
are  numbered  correspondingly  and  written  in  a small  book.  A portion  of 
the  salad  is  served  to  each  guest.  If  one  chooses,  small  prizes  may  be  given 
to  those  who  guess  the  greatest  number  correctly.  Have  the  conundrums 
as  new  as  possible.  The  same  cards  and  answers  for  conundrum  entertain- 
ment may  be  used  for  this  salad. 


GAMES, 


63 


A CONUNDRUn  SUPPER. 

Mary  Fairfax  gives  the  following  bright  and  witty  menu  for  a Conun- 
drum Supper.”  She  says  to  make  it  a success  it  is  necessary  to  have  an 
Executive  Committee  who  can  not  onl}^  plan  but  execute  promptly: 

MENU. 

1.  What  Most  People  Need. 

2.  Unruly  Member. 

3.  Causes  Neighborhood  Contention. 

4.  New  England  Brains. 

5.  Food  for  the  Spinning  Wheel. 

6.  What  a Boy  Calls  His  Sweetheart. 

7.  Brings  the  Crows. 

8.  Most  Delightful  Age  of  Childhood. 

9.  Women  of  Grit, 

10.  What  Occasioned  the  Fall  of  Mankind. 

11.  Hidden  Tears. 

12.  Tree  Cake. 

13.  Love’s  Young  Dream. 

14.  Changeable  Politicians. 

15.  What  Asthmatic  People  Are. 

IG.  Spring’s  Oifering. 

17.  Boston’s  Overthrow. 

Have  this  menu  printed,  but  it  is  not  necessary  that  it  be  on  cardboard. 
Here  is  the  ” key,”  but  it  need  not  be  understood  by  any  except  the  waiters. 

1 — Backbone.  2 — Tongue.  3 — Chicken;  4 — Beans  (baked).  5 — Roll. 
6 — Honey.  7 — Eggs  (boiled).  8 — Cabbage  (cold  slaw).  9 — Sandwich. 
10— Apples  (roasted).  11 — Onions  (dressed  with  vinegar).  12— Nut, 
Cocoanut  or  Chocolate  Cake.  13 — Cream  Cake.  14 — Turnovers.  15 — 
Coffee.  16 — Water.  17— Tea. 

^ When  choosing  it  is  not  necessar3^  to  tell  why  you  want  a particular 
article.  If  possible  let  the  customer  remain  ignorant  as  to  the  “conun- 
drum.” Place  nothing  upon  the  table  except  sugar,  cream,  spoons,  menus 
and  lead  pencils.  Of  course  flowers  are  not  prohibited.  Be  sure  to  have  a 
bill  of  fare  for  each  person  at  the  table.  Let  the  waiter  tell  those  whom  she 
is  .serving  to  place  a small  cross  at  the  left  of  each  article  chosen,  and  to 
mark  six — or  whatever  number  has  been  decided  upon  by  the  committee. 

It  would  be  more  generally  satisfactory  to  pass  the  bread  and  buttered 
rolls  frequently  while  serving  the  supper.  The  supper  is  not  so  difficult  tf 
carry  out,  and  is  sure  to  please  and  cause  much  merriment. 


64  GAMES. 

Rare  compound  of  oddity,  frolic  and  fun, 

Who  relished  a joke  and  rejoiced  in  a pun. 

— Goldsmith. 

APRIL  FIRST  GAMES. 

For  the  night  dignity  may  be  thrown  aside,  and  both  young  and  old 
bend  their  energies  in  the  pursuit  of  mirth. 

The  following  three  games  are  good  for  April : 

POTATO  CONTEST. 

Have  in  readiness  two  dinner  plates,  two  heavy  teaspoons,  and  as  many 
medium-sized  potatoes  as  can  be  conveniently  piled  upon  the  two  plates. 
Place  a plate  and  spoon  at  each  end  of  a room,  half  the  potatoes  at  regular 
intervals  on  the  right  side  of  the  room  and  the  other  half  in  the  same  posi- 
tion on  the  left  side.  Let  two  contestants  be  chosen ; and  when  each  has 
taken  his  place  beside  a plate,  let  him  take  the  spoon  in  his  hand  and  begin 
“gathering  his  crop.”  He  must  balance  a potato  on  his  spoon,  carry  it 
with  one  hand  to  the  opposite  end  of  the  room  and  deposit  it  on  the  plate. 
The  player  who  succeeds  in  “gathering  his  crop”  first  should  have  for  a 
prize  a large  potato  upon  which  has  been  cut  a face  wearing  a most  exag- 
gerated smile.  The  defeated  contestant  should  be  presented  with  a smaller 
potato,  displaying  a correspondingly  woeful  face. 

A GAME  OF  “pairs.” 

This  is  rather  an  amusing  game.  One  of  the  players  personates  a law- 
yer. The  rest  choose  partners  and  sit  down  in  pairs  in  two  rows,  facing 
each  other.  The  lawyer  now  walks  down  the  row  and  asks  a question  of 
anyone  he  chooses.  This  question  must  always  be  answered  by  the  partner 
of  the  one  addressed.  If  he  or  she  inadvertently  replies  herself  she  has  to 
pay  a forfeit.  The  partners  cause  a great  deal  of  fun  if  they  answer  for  their 
mates  in  the  most  absurd  manner  possible,  and  if  they  are  good  mimics  in 
adopting  the  same  tone  of  voice.  It  is  difficult,  as  the  game  progresses,  to 
keep  from  answering  a question  directly  addressed  to  oneself. 

ART  SOIREE. 

Write  on  .slips  of  paper  names  of  different  animals,  and  number  each  one. 
For  example : 1 dromedary,  2 crane,  3 hippopotamus,  4 rat,  5 duck,  etc. 

Put  the  slips  in  a fancy  basket.  Place  a blackboard  with  a piece  of  chalk 
at  the  end  of  the  room  and  arrange  the  chairs  so  that  the  company  will  be 
seated  facing  the  blackboard,  each  player  having  a sheet  of  paper  and  pen- 


GAMES,  65 

cil,  with  his  name  at  the  top.  The  hostess  calls  one  of  the  players  up  to  the 
board,  and  hands  him  a slip  of  paper  taken  from  the  basket,  and  tells  him 
he  n.ust  draw  the  animal  mentioned — he  in  turn  calls  off  the  number — but 
must  not  give  the  name  of  the  animal  he  is  to  draw.  The  players  write 
down  the  number  and  try  to  guess  the  name  of  the  animal  which  is  being 
drawn,  putting  the  name  opposite  the  number;  then  the  board  is  cleaned 
and  another  one  is  called  up  to  draw  the  animal  mentioned  on  his  slip,  etc. 
When  the  players  have  finished  the  papers  are  collected,  and  the  one  who 
has  the  greatest  number  of  animals  correct,  has  first  prize. 

Another  way  to  play  the  game  is  as  follows : Each  member  of  the  parly 
is  required  to  draw  on  the  board  the  outline  of  a pig,  or  a dog,  and  affix  his 
name  thereto,  both  drawing  and  writing  being  done  either  blindfolded  or 
with  the  eyes  wholly  averted.  The  resulting ‘‘artistic productions  are 
certain  to  be  very  laughable ; and  a prize  may  be  offered  for  the  best  and 
also  for  the  poorest  drawing.  A candy  pig  would  be  appropriate  for  the 
latter  prize,  and  for  the  former  an  iron  paper-weight  in  the  form  of  a pig 
would  be  decidedly  appropriate. 

CHARACTER  GUESSING. 

For  the  game,  select  interesting  characters  with  which  all  are  more  or 
less  familiar,  such  as  Lincoln,  Washington,  Oliver  Cromwell,  Milton,  Henry 
VIII.,  Queen  Elizabeth,  Franklin,  Cleopatra,  Booth.  The  game  is  played 
as  follows: 

When  the  players  are  seated,  A is  chosen  to  leave  the  room,  those 
remaining  agree  upon  a character  which  may  be  real  or  fictitious.  The  per- 
son who  leaves  the  room  must  represent  the  character  chosen.  When  all 
are  ready,  A returns,  then  each  of  the  players  in  turn  asks  A a question  that 
will  suggest  the  character  A represents.  The  one  whose  question  throws 
sufficient  light  to  enable  A to  guess  the  character,  is  the  next  one  to  leave 
the  room.  For  example,  suppose  the  character  chosen  is  Napoleon  I.,  A 
returns  to  the  room,  and  one  of  the  players  asks,  “Do  you  think,  if  you 
were  living  to-day  that  you  could  conquer  America?”  The  next  asks,  “Were 
you  always  fond  of  fighting?”  The  third  question,  “Would  you  care  to  live 
your  triumphs  over  again  ?”  The  fourth  question,  “ Did  you  never  regret  or 
feel  any  remorse  over  your  treatment  of  your  first  wife  ?”  The  fifth  ques- 
tion, “Did  you  enjoy  life  on  St.  Helena?  ” If  A guesses  the  character 
at  the  question,  then  the  one  who  asked  it  will  be  the  next  to 
leave  the  room.  Another  example:  If  the  players  choose  the  character  of 


66  GAMES. 

Richard  I.  of  England,  when  A returns, the  first  question,  “How  long  were 
you  King  of  England  ?“  Second,  “ Did  you  lead  one  of  the  crusades,  and 
slay  many  infidels  ?“  ^‘How  did  your  possessions  in  France  affect  you  ? “ 
Fourth,  “In  one  of  Scott’s  novels  you  are  called  ‘ The  Black  Sluggard.’  ’’ 
This  question  will,  of  course,  enable  A to  identify  the  character. 

DUMB  CRAMBO. 

This  game  is  very  interesting.  The  words  chosen  should  rhyme.  The 
players  are  divided  into  two  equal  sides,  one  side  leaving  the  room,  while  the 
other  decides  upon  a word.  The  first  company  are  then  informed  that  the 
second  have  chosen  a word  that  rhymes  with  a certain  other  word  (which 
is  given);  company  No.  1 consult  together;  return  to  No.  2,  and  act  in  pan- 
tomime or  tableau  the  word  they  have  decided  is  the  one  chosen;  and  No.  2 
are  obliged  to  guess  the  word  the  other  side  are  aeting.  For  instance,  if 
the  word  “pair”  is  chosen,  company  No.  1 are  informed  that  a word  has 
been  selected  which  rhymes  with  “lair.”  Company  No.  1 then  consult 
together,  return  to  the  presence  of  No.  2,  and,  standing  in  a row,  commence 
to  smooth  their  hair  and  to  arrange,  as  far  as  possible,  that  portion  of 
their  toilet.  A member  of  company  No.  2 will,  perhaps,  then  ask,  “Are  you 
acting  the  word  ‘hair’?’’  and  upon  being  told  that  they  are,  he  will  reply, 
“The  word  is  not  ‘hair.’”  The  actors  then  retire,  again  consult,  and  tr3" 
once  more.  They  enter  the  room  with  martial  tread  and  form  themselves 
into  a square.  They  are  asked  il  the  word  they  are  acting  is  “square,”  and 
on  replying  that  it  is,  they  are  again  rejected.  Finally  two  actors,  a lady 
and  a gentleman,  enter  the  room,  the  former  with  a drapery  over  her  head 
to  represent  a bridal  veil.  Another  actor  enters  after  them,  and  performs  a 
marriage  ceremony  in  pantomime.  At  this  company  No.  2 cannot  but 
know  that  the  word  “pair”  has  been  guessed,  and  so  retire  to  take  No.  I’s 
place.  If  company  No.  1 act  in  so  obscure  a manner  as  to  baffle  the  guess- 
ing powers  of  No.  2,  the  latter  must  take  No.  I’s  place;  in  this  way  Dumb 
Crambo  is  made  interesting  for  both  sides  at  once.  The  acting  may  be 
done  by  one  or  several  persons  from  a side,  if  the  entire  side  are  not  needed. 

PROVERBS. 

After  the  company  arc  assembled  one  person  leaves  the  room,  while 
those  remaining  decide  on  a proverb,  of  which  a word  is  given  to  each  per- 
son. If  there  are  more  players  than  words  in  the  proverb,  the  latter  may 
be  given  twice,  or  oftener ; and  if  there  are  more  words  than  players,  some 


GAMES.  67 

of  the  players  may  take  two  words  each.  When  ready,  the  person  who 
left  the  room  returns ; and  before  any  questions  are  asked,  tell  the  person 
where  the  proverb  ends  and  which  of  the  players  have  two  words.  Then 
he  so  questions  the  players  that  he  guesses  the  word  that  each  is  trying  to 
conceal.  The  answers  must  always  contain  the  word  sought.  Here  is  an 
example:  The  proverb  chosen  being  “Fine  feathers  make  fine  birds,”  the 
guesser  commences  by  asking  the  first  person,  “Is  the  proverb  a familiar 
one  ? ” The  player  answers,  “ It  is,  indeed,  and  a fine  one,  too.”  “ Do  you 
like  this  game  ? ” “I  think  it  is  fine,  indeed.”  Then  the  guesser  probably 
guesses  the  word  here,  and  passes  to  the  next  person  with,  “Don’t  you 
think  this  a very  pretty  room?”  to  which  the  person  addressed  replies, 
“ Yes,  indeed ! You  can  tell  by  the  polish  on  the  furniture  that  feathers  are 
used  in  dusting,  and  not  cloths,  which  always  mar  the  surface  ”;  and  so  the 
game  continues.  He  can  often  guess  the  proverb  from  two  or  three  words. 
He  has  the  privilege  of  passing  to  another  member  of  the  company  before 
he  has  guessed  the  preceding  word,  and  in  this  way  is  frequently  given  a 
clue  that  reveals  the  proverb  at  once.  If  the  guesser  fails,  he  may  try  the 
same  proverb  again,  after  paying  a forfeit,  or  he  may  call  for  a new  one. 
The  last  player  questioned  before  the  proverb  is  guessed  is  the  next  one  to 
take  the  guesser’s  place.  The  following  proverbs  are  well  adapted  to  this 
game: 

Make  hay  while  the  sun  shines. 

Money  makes  the  mare  go. 

A stitch  in  time  saves  nine. 

Too  many  cooks  spoil  the  broth. 

Out  of  the  frying-pan  into  the  fire. 

It  never  rains  but  it  pours. 

It’s  an  ill  wind  that  blows  nobody  good. 

When  the  cat’s  away,  the  mice  will  play. 

Take  care  of  the  pence  and  the  pounds  will  take  care  of  themselves. 

Charity  begins  at  home. 


TOPICS. 

This  is  a pleasing  entertainment  for  Valentine  evening.  Procure  pink 
heart-shaped  cards,  having  two  cards  fastened  together  at  the  top  left-hand 
side,  with  a pink  cord  and  small  pink  pencil  attached  at  the  end. 
Write  on  the  outside  card,  “Topic  Entertainment,”  and  the  date  of  the 


G8  GAMES. 

day,  and  on  the  inside  the  programme  of  topics,  numbering  each  one,  then 
on  the  opposite  card  put  the  numbers  only. 


For  example; 

1.  Valentines.  1 

2.  The  last  book  I’ve  read.  2 

3.  Romeo  and  Juliet.  3 

4.  Hard  Times.  ' 4 

5.  Cupid.  5 

6.  Hobbies.  6 

7.  Weather.  7 

8.  The  Season’s  Entertainments.  8 


It  adds  to  the  entertainment  to  have  a song,  and  instrumental  piece 
played  between  every  two  or  three  topics.  As  the  guests  enter  the  room 
hand  each  a card.  The  gentlemen  and  ladies  select  partners  to  discuss  the 
topics;  for  instance,  A asks  B to  discuss  Valentines  with  him,  if  B is  not 
engaged  for  that  topic,  A puts  his  name  opposite  No.  1 on  her  card,  and  B’s 
name  on  his  card.  When  all  have  filled  their  cards,  a bell  is  rung  and  the 
gentlemen  quickly  find  their  partners  to  discuss  No.  1 topic.  Ten  minutes  is 
allowed  for  each  topic,  at  the  end  of  which  time  the  bell  is  rung  again  and 
partners  change  for  No.  2,  after  which  a song  is  given;  then  the  bell  is  rung 
for  No.  3 topic — and  so  on  until  all  the  topics  have  been  discussed.  The 
gentleman  takes  the  lady  with  whom  he  discussed  the  last  topic  to 
supper. 


PALMISTRY. 

A fortune-telling  booth  is  usually  one  of  the  novelties  to  be  found  at  a 
fair.  The  person  chosen  as  fortune-teller  should  have  some  knowledge  of 
palmistry,  or  of  fortune-telling  by  cards;  she  should  be  dressed  in  gipsy  cos- 
tume with  face  disguised,  and  the  booth  assigned  to  her  should  be  darkened 
by  shaded  lamps  and  made  as  mysterious  looking  as  possible. 

The  following  hands  are  divided  into  three  different  kinds:  those  with 
round  pointed  fingers,  those  with  square  tips,  and  those  that  are  spade- 
sha])cd,  with  pods  of  flesh  at  each  side  of  the  nail. 

The  first  type— with  round-pointed  fingers — belong  to  characters  with 
perceptions  extra  sensitive,  to  very  pious  people,  to  contemplative  minds, 
to  the  impulsive,  and  to  all  poets  and  artists  who  have  ideality  as  a prom- 
inent trait. 


GAMES.  69 

The  square-shaped  belong  to  scientific  people,  sensible,  self-contained 
characters,  and  to  the  class  of  professional  men  who  are  neither  visionary 
nor  altogether  sordid. 

The  spade-shaped  type,  with  pods  of  flesh  at  the  side  of  the  nail,  indi- 
cates people  whose  interests  and  instincts  are  mostly  material. 

Each  finger,  no  matter  what  kind  of  a hand  it  is  joined  to,  has  a joint 
representing  each  of  those  types^  The  division  of  the  finger  that  is  nearest 
the  palm  stands  for  the  body,  the  middle  division  represents  mind,  and 
the  highest  joint  spirit  or  soul. 

If  the  top  joint  is  longer  than  the  others  it  denotes  a character  weak 
cned  with  a too  abundant  imagination,  great  ideality,  and  a leaning  tow 
ard  the  theoretical  rather  than  the  practical. 

When  the  middle  joint  of  the  finger  is  long,  it  promises  a logical  mind, 
and  when  the  lowest  joint  is  longest  it  indicates  a nature  that  clings  more 
to  the  luxuries  than  to  the  refinements  of  life.  If  they  are  nearly  alike,  it 
indieates  a well-balanced  mind,  especially  if  the  length  of  the  fingers  equals 
the  length  of  the  palm. 

Vigor  of  constitution  is  indicated  by  a long,  clear  life  line. 

Crosses  are  always  unfavorable,  no  matter  where  they  occur. 

Broad  nails  belong  to  gentle,  nervous,  bashful  people. 

A chained  head  line  indicates  want  of  fixity  of  thought. 

A long  liver  line  shows  an  excellent  natural  constitution. 

Poe  had  the  ideally  psychic  hand,  with  very  small  thumb. 

Soft  hands  indicate  a character  lacking  energy  and  force. 

The  heart  line,  if  narrow,  deep,  and  of  good  color,  running  from  “ Mount 
of  Jupiter  ” to  “ Mercury,”  shows  strong  and  happy  affections. 

A head  line,  which  is  even, long  and  slender,  shows  strong  judgment  and 
clear  mind;  if  separated  from  the  life  line,  shows  self-confidence;  if  joined, 
want  of  same. 


TELEGRAMS. 

Some  one  reads  10  letters  at  random  from  a book,  perhaps  the  letters 
with  which  10  lines  begin.  Each  player  being  provided  with  paper  and 
pencil,  must  write  a telegram,  the  10  words  of  which  should  begin  with  the 
chosen  letters,  though  not  necessarily  in  the  order  in  which  they  were 
announced.  A general  subject  may  be  given  out  for  all  to  “telegraph” 
about,  or  each  may  choose  his  own.  The  telegrams  are  signed  and  handed 
to  one  of  the  party,  who  then  reads  them  aloud. 


70  GAMES. 

HALLOWEEN  PARTIES. 

In  many  places  the  young  men  used  to  be  denied  the  privilege  of  these 
yearly  revels,  but  in  later  years  they  are  not  only  permitted  to  attend,  but 
are  also  allowed  to  share  in  the  various  tricks  devoted  especially  to  Hal- 
loween. 

History  repeats  itself  in  these  affairs  as  well  as  in  others  of  greater 
moment,  and  the  customs  of  bobbing  for  apj^les,  roasting  chestnuts  and 
walking  down  the  cellar-stairs  backwards  are  kept  up.  Among  the  tricks 
of  the  season  not  so  frequently  tried  is  that  of  hanging  a stick  from  the 
ceiling  by  a cord,  with  a short  candle  on  one  end  and  an  apple  on  the  other. 
The  apple  is  named,  and  if  caught  in  the  teeth  as  it  swings  around,  the  fate 
of  the  young  person  is  decided  satisfactoril3^ 

Hot  lead  used  to  be  a favorite  article  for  these  experiments,  as  it  was 
poured  through  a wedding  ring,  and  the  form  that  it  assumed  was  regarded 
as  prophetic. 

Two  rivals  for  the  favors  of  the  same  young  woman  decided  the  mo- 
mentous question  by  placing  a raisin  on  a string  a yard  long,  each  one  tak- 
ing an  end  of  the  string  in  his  mouth,  and  the  one  who  reached  the  raisin 
first  by  chewing  up  the  ends  as  fast  as  possible  was  supposed  to  win.  A 
greased  needle  placed  in  a saucer  of  water,  on  a piece  of  thin  tissue  paper, 
was  named,  and  the  antics  it  performed  suggested  the  manners,  it  was  said, 
of  the  one  whose  name  it  bore. 

Look  at  the  moon  through  a silk  handkerchief  that  has  never  been 
washed  and  you  will  see  sometimes  several  moons.  Count  them  and  expect 
as  many  years  before  marriage  as  you  number  moons. 

There  are  Other  Days  Nearly  as  Eventful  as  Halloween. 

The  saint’s  calendar  is  thickly  sprinkled  with  mysterious  occasions,  and 
in  parts  of  the  Old  World  the  girl  who  really  wants  to  know  has  many  op- 
portunities for  finding  out  puzzling  things. 

Saint  Catherine’s  Bay  comes  on  November  25.  On  this  night  if  a girl 
walks  three  times  around  a well,  or  any  large  receptacle  filled  with  water, 
repeating  the  lines : 

“ A husband.  Saint  Catherine; 

A handsome  one,  Saint  Catherine; 

A rich  one,  Saint  Catherine; 

And  soon.  Saint  Catherine.” 

Then  the  young  man  in  turn  goes  round  the  well  repeating  the  same 
lines,  only  instead  of  a husband  say  a wife.  They  will  each  see  their  future 
husband  or  wife  reflected  in  the  surface  of  the  water. 


GAMES, 


71 


November  has  another  fate  day,  St.  Andrew’s  Day.  Between  11  and 
12  o’clock  at  night,  if  one  holds  a willow  branch  in  her  hand  and  runs  three 
times  around  a house,  saying:  “ He  that  is  to  be  my  good  man  come  and 
grip  the  end,”  she  will  feel  the  other  end  of  the  branch  jerked  suddenly,  and 
if  she  has  courage  to  look  around  she  will  see  the  one  she  has  invoked. 

On  next  May  Day  go  out  in  the  evening  and  catch  the  first  snail  you 
spy.  When  you  have  brought  him  in  spread  fresh  ashes  over  the  hearth 
and  make  him  crawl  over  its  surface.  The  trail  that  he  makes  will  form  the 
initials  of  the  one  about  whom  most  young  people  would  like  to  know. 

Put  all  these  days  down  in  your  diary  and  then  pin  your  faith  to  super- 
stition. 

THANKSGIVING  DAVE  FROLICK. 

SUGGESTIONS  FOR  AN  ENTERTAINMENT  IN  THE  STYLE  OF  YE  OLDEN  TYME. 
- Sufficiently  in  advance  to  allow  your  friends  time  for  preparation  send 
out  invitations  to  ye  olden  tyme  Thanksgiving  daye  frolick,  and  intimate 
therein  that  appropriate  costuming,  in  strict  simplicity,  is  expected.  The 
young  women  should  wear  print  gowns  and  aprons  and  add  the  slight 
touch  necessary  to  turn  the  prevailing  tone  of  hair-dressing  back  one  leaf 
farther  in  quaintness.  The  men  must  copy  in  dress  Brother  Jonathan’s  por- 
traits. Have  merely  a violin,  the  “fiddle”  of  early  days,  for  music,  and 
dance  gay  country  dances — the  quadrille,  Dan  Tucker,  Virginia  reel,  and  so 
on,  with  calling  off.  The  brighter  the  people  that  can  be  brought  together 
and  the  better  the  acting  of  the  parties  the  greater  the  success  of  the  enter- 
tainment, of  course. 

Cover  the  drawing-room  carpet  with  crash,  not  only  to  assist  dancing, 
but  also  to  give  an  impression  of  bare  floor  primitiveness.  Move  away  or 
cover  up  all  elaborate  bric-a-brac  and  sumptuous  furniture.  Decorate  with 
corn-stalks,  cedar  boughs,  pumpkins  and  strings  of  red  peppers.  A barrel 
or  two  of  bright  apples  standing  about  would  also  add  to  the  general  effec- 
tiveness. In  a conspicuous  position  place  a table  holding  atra3^of  molasses 
candy  and  a large  plain  white  pitcher  of  sweet  cider  for  the  guests’  occa- 
sional refreshment.  Have  a large  bowl  of  pop-corn  on  the  table,  also. 
Place  on  a table  in  a corner  of  the  room  a large  pumpkin,  decorated  prettily 
with  green. 

Put  on  the  pumpkin  a card,  on  which  is  printed,  “A  guessing  contest” 
of  how  many  seeds  this  pumpkin  contains.  Place  on  the  table  a basket 
containing  blank  cards  and  a lead  pencil,  and  beside  a box  with  a slit  in  the 
cover  to  drop  the  cards  in.  Have  each  guest  write  their  name  on  the  card 


72 


GAMES, 


with  the  number  of  seeds  they  guess  under  it.  The  assistants  should  take 
turns  in  having  charge  of  this  table.  When  through  guessing  have  two  of 
the  young  people  cut  the  pumpkin  open  and  count  the  seeds,  while  another 
person  looks  over  the  cards  and  puts  down  on  a piece  of  paper  the  highest 
and  lowest  numbers  guessed.  Those  two  numbers  are  each  given  a prize. 
Very  few  city  people  guess  over  40  or  50  seeds,  and  great  will  be  their  sur- 
prise when  the  census  registers  five  or  six  hundred. 

If  there  is  an  open  fireplace  in  the  room,  popping  corn  there  might  prove 
a pleasant  change  from  the  dancing,  the  operation  forming  a pivot  upon 
which  to  hang  amusing  old-time  stories  and  “singin’  .schule”  songs,  both  in 
solo  and  chorus.  All  this  intersperse  with  the  eating  of  popcorn  and  apples 
and  the  drinking  of  cider. 

Rollicking  dancing  should  end  the  evening,  whatever  the  other  diversions 
introduced  may  have  been.  And  the  old-time  “groaning  board”  must  be 
spread  in  the  dining-room  with  early  day  favorite  dishes — roast  turkey  and 
little  pig  served  whole,  baked  beans  and  brown  bread,  Indian  pudding,  hot 
biscuits  and  rusks,  cucumber  and  mango  pickles,  pot  cheese,  apple  butter, 
damson  preserves,  fruit  and  pound  cake  and  doughnuts,  coffee  with  rich 
cream  and  glasses  of  milk.  Every  touch  of  realism  in  the  hostess’  arrange- 
ments, every  quaint  bit  of  phraseology  or  manner  in  the  guests,  will  add 
greatly  to  the  charm  of  the  event. 

A “RILEY”  ENTERTAINHENT. 

A “Riley”  entertainment  makes  a very  unique  and  profitable  affair  for 
charity  organizations  holding  fairs.  The  decorations  of  the  parlors  consist 
mainly  of  paper,  which  should  be  artistically  entwined  about  pillar,  post 
and  picture.  A large  picture  of  James  Whitcomb  Riley  is  placed  upon  the 
wall  facing  the  entrance,  and  over  it  in  pasteboard  letters : 

“ When  the  frost  is  on  the  pumpkin, 

And  the  fodder’s  in  the  shock.” 

The  young  people  who  take  part  in  the  entertainment  are  dressed  to 
represent  Riley’s  characters,  and  several  of  the  most  important  preside  over 
the  booths.  At  one,  which  should  be  literally  covered  with  paper  flowers, 
“ ’ Lizabeth  Ann,  she  can  cook  best  things  to  eat,”  sells  cakes  and  pies.  At 
another  Riley’s  poems  and  photographs  are  sold,  and  at  still  another,  “ The 
raggedy  man/ . He  works  for  pa,”  knocks  down  apples  from  an  improvised 
apple  tree  as  fast  as  he  can  sell  them.  And  among  the  purchasers  are  “ Lit- 
tle Orphant  Annie,”  “Granny’s  come  to  our  house,”  “The  fishing  party,” 
“ Max  and  Jim,”  “ Pa  and  ma  and  me,  all  three,”  and  many  others. 


GAMES. 


73 


While  all  are  busy  buying  and  tasting  the  good  things, 

‘ ‘ The  old  band  ’ marches  in, 

Playing  old  tunes ; 

Sich  tunes  as  ‘John  Brown’s  body*  and 
‘Sweet  Alice,’  don’t  you  know  ? 

And  ‘ The  camels  is  a-comin  ’ ’ and 
‘John  Anderson,  my  Jo.’  ” 

Have  printed  on  a large  card  a couplet  from  one  of  Riley’s  poems  and 
hang  it  back  of  where  the  band  is  seated,  for  example: 

And  stylisher  and  grander  tunes, 

But  somehow  anyway  I want  to  hear  the  old 
Band  play  such  tunes  as  “John  Brown’s  Body,’’  etc. 

Later  in  the  evening  some  of  the  Riley  poems  are  recited. 

FORTUNE=TELLINa  DOLL, 

A CLEVER  IDEA  AS  A FEATURE  FOR  A FAIR  OR  ENTERTAINMENT. 

Here  is  an  English  idea  for  a money-making  device  at  fairs  or  similar  char- 
itable entertainments.  It  is  a fortune-telling  doll  which  any  clever  girl 
can  make.  The  doll  is  mounted  firmly  on  a stand  and  holds  a pointer 
directed  beneath  her  to  a revolving  disc  of  cardboard.  The  doll  and  the 
pointer  remaining  stationary  while  one  paying  the  fortune-telling  charge 
is  allowed  to  spin  the  disc  around.  When  it  stops  the  pointer  is  directed  to 
a sub-division  of  the  disc  on  which  is  printed  the  fate  of  the  person  spinning 
the  wheel.  Here  are  some  of  the  inscriptions  on  the  disc : 

FORTUNES  FOR  MEN. 

If  you  marry  the  widow  whose  house  is  brown, 

You  will  have  the  finest  establishment  in  town. 

Variety’s  charming,  we  know  very  well, 

But  if  carried  too  far,  you  will  lose  the  fair  belle. 

The  lady  whom  you’ll  marry,  of  town  is  quite  the  belle, 

She  rejoices  in  the  very  unassuming  name  of  Nell. 

To  speak  your  mind  you  still  endeavor, 

Believe  me,  ’tis  not  always  clever. 

’Neath  sunny  skies,  by  lake  of  azure  blue# 

A merry  little  maiden  waits  for  you. 

Conceit,  conceit,  in  every  line  I trace. 

Of  your  good-looking  but  transparent  face. 

Society  book.  Public  applause, 

Critics  approve,  Fame  is  yours. 

You  despise  my  powers,  but  by  this  token, 

I tell  you  your  engagement  will  be  broken* 


74  GAMES, 

FORTUNES  FOR  WOMEN. 

Yourself  you  think  of  first  in  everything, 

Forget  yourself,  some  comfort  it  will  bring. 

Dance  with  him,  play  for  him,  there  let  it  end, 

Be  in  no  way  impressed  by  the  letter  he’ll  send. 

Yes,  tall  and  graceful  will  your  hero  be. 

Brave,  rich,  refined,  this  knight  you  soon  will  see. 

Two  plain  gold  rings,  ’twill  be  your  lot  to  wear. 

One  will  bring  happiness,  the  other  care. 

Before  the  old  year’s  bells  ring  out, 

He  will  propose  without  a doubt. 

If  you  choose  a lover  with  a golden  egg, 

You  will  have  plenty  and  will  never  beg. 

Pluck  up  your  spirit,  your  lover  is  true, 

^ But  there’s  worry  for  him,  and  a journey  for  you. 

If  3^ou  decide  to  be  his  wife. 

In  another  clime  you’ll  pass  your  life. 

Any  person  with  a little  ingenuity  can  toss  up  piles  of  such  sentiment 
as  the  above  and  by  exercising  a little  wit  there  is  no  reason  why  there 
should  be  any  lack  of  variety  in  the  fortune-telling  discs. 

TO  PLAY  nUSICAL  WHIST. 

In  these  days  when  it  is  the  fashion  to  understand  and  study  wh’st,  it 
is  interesting  to  know  that  as  a novelty  for  a bazaar  the  game  has  been  in- 
troduced as  “ musical  whist  with  living  cards.”  Four  players  are  seated 
upon  raised  seats ; a large,  square  cloth  on  the  floor  or  on  a platform  or 
stage  forms  the  card  table.  The  cards  are  represented  by  persons  in  ap- 
propriate costumes,  and  the  gowns  for  the  court  cards  may  be  very  ori- 
ginal. The  clubs  usually  wear  gray  and  white,  the  emblems  being  in  black 
velvet,  and  have  crowns  of  silver  gray  and  jet.  Hearts  wear  a pretty 
shade  of  green,  with  white,  and  the  emblems  are  in  red.  Spades  are  in  pink 
with  black  velvet  emblems;  diamonds  in  yellow,  with  deep  red.  The  parts 
of  the  smaller  cards  may  be  taken  by  children  in  gowns  of  cream  white  and 
mob-caps,  the  cards  being  indicated  in  large  characters  on  the  front  of  their 
dresses,  or  they  may  carry  an  immense  card,  two  feet  in  length  and  hung 
over  the  shoulders,  hanging  in  shield  fashion  in  front,  on  which  are  the 
spots  of  the  card,  and  a card  should  hang  at  the  back  also  and  display  the 
ordinary  kind  of  a card  back. 


GAMES, 


75 


The  cards  enter  to  the  music  of  a march,  and  are  preceded  by  two  little 
pages  clad  in  slashed  satin  suits,  capes  with  ostrich  tips,  and  carrying 
wands  of  silver.  Shuffling,  cutting  and  dealing  are  shown  by  a dance,  and 
the  cards  then  arrange  themselves  in  front  of  their  respective  players.  Each 
player  indicates  in  turn  the  card  to  advance  to  the  center,  with  musical 
accompaniment.  The  winning  card  of  each  trick  leads  the  others  to  one 
corner  of  the  square,  where  they  form  in  file,  and  so  on,  closing  up  when 
six  tricks  are  made  on  either  side.  At  the  conclusion  of  the  game  the  tricks 
of  the  winning  side  lead  off  in  triumph  those  of  the  losing  side. 

A FAGOT  PARTY, 

A fagot  party  is  a pleasant  way  to  spend  an  evening.  After  the  guests 
have  arrived  a bundle  of  fagots  about  an  inch  long  is  brought  in  and  the 
sticks  are  distributed.  Each  guest  in  turn  puts  a fagot  in  the  fire  and  while 
it  is  burning  must  entertain  the  company. 

SONG  SOIREE. 

This  game  is  played  the  same  as  the  “Art  Soiree”  only  in  the  place  of 
names  of  animals  on  the  slips  of  paper,  write  the  names  of  popular  and 
patriotic  songs  such  as, — “It  was  My  Last  Cigar,”  “Tramp,  Tramp, 
Tramp,  the  Boys  are  Marching,”  “My  Bonnie  Lies  Over  the  Ocean,” 
“ After  the  Ball,”  “When  the  Robins  Nest  Again,”  “Sweet  Violets,”  “Over 
the  Garden  Wall,”  “Little  Fisher  Maiden,”  etc.,  as  each  guest  receives  a 
slip  of  paper,  they  call  out  the  number,  and  then  draws  on  the  black  board 
such  as  a cigar  for, — “It  was  my  Last  Cigar”  then  draw  a large  ball  with  a 
boy  running  after  it  for, — “After  the  Ball.”  The  guests  in  turn  write  on 
their  paper  what  they  think  it  is,  opposite  the  number  on  their  card.  An 
ornament  of  a little  Dresden  china  Piano  is  appropriate  for  the  first  prize 
and  a brass  horn  for  the  booby. 

PROGRESSIVE  NEEDLES, 

Arrange  the  tables  in  the  room  the  same  as  you  would  for  cards.  In  the 
center  of  each  table  place  a dish  containing  a quantity  of  needles,  ranging 
from  very  fine  to  very  coarse.  By  the  side  of  the  dish  a spool  of  thread  No. 
36.  Aft^i*  the  guests  have  arrived  draw  for  partners  with  numbers  the 
same  as  you  do  for  progressive  cards.  When  the  signal  is  given  the  one 
that  gets  the  thread  first  breaks  of  a piece  and  threads  a needle.  The  one 
that  gets  the  thread  next  does  the  same.  Each  trying  to  see  who  can 
thread  the  most  needles  in  the  given  time.  Each  needle  must  be  threaded 


76 


GAMES, 


on  a separate  thread.  Progress  by  partners  the  same  as  in  cards.  Before 
leaving  the  table  draw  the  threads  from  the  needles  and  replace  in  the  dish. 
The  time  that  is  usually  given  is  about  three  minutes.  Each  one  keeps  tally 
of  the  number  of  needles  they  have  threaded,  and  at  the  end  of  the  game, 
the  lady  and  gentleman  that  thread  the  most  receive  a prize.  A silver 
needle  case  is  appropriate  for  the  first  price  and  a very  unique  prize  for  the 
booby  is  a diamond  pin  (dime  and  pin).  Take  a ring  box  and  in  the  place 
where  you  put  the  ring  .stand  a nice  new  dime  on  one  side,  pin  through 
the  velvet,  lengthwise,  a common  pin,  then  put  the  cover  on,  and  when  ready 
present  it  to  the  winner,  with  a good  deal  of  ceremony. 

A PEANUT  PARTY. 

FOR  YOUNGSTERS. 

A clever  way  to  amuse  a troop  of  children  is  to  invite  them  to  a pea- 
nut party.  For  one  lately  given  here,  tiny  cards  of  invitation  were  sent 
out,  on  each  one  of  which  two  half  peanut  shells  were  fastened. 

A large  quantity  of  the  nuts  were  hidden  about  the  house,  and  when 
the  young  folks  arrived  they  were  told  to  hunt  them.  They  who  found  the 
most  and  least  of  them  received  prizes ; the  first  being  a Chinese  doll  made 
from  peanuts  and  dressed  in  crepe  tissue  paper,  and  the  second  a pig  made 
from  a large  peanut.  A string  was  glued  on  for  a tail  and  four  pins  fur- 
nished the  legs ; a few  marks  with  pen  and  ink  completed  his  pigship. 

A PENNY  ENTERTAINMENT. 

A penny  party  is  a very  amusing  entertainment  for  an  evening.  With 
the  invitations  request  each  guest  to  bring  a penny,  not  for  an  admission 
fee  but  for  use  in  the  games. 

For  each  guest  provide  two  cards  and  a pencil;  one  card  should  be 
blank,  the  other  have  a list  of  the  things  to  be  found  on  a penny.  The 
list  .should  be  numbered  and  each  person  is  expected  to  make  out  as  many 
as  he  could,  prizes  being  awarded  for  the  best  and  poorest  list. 

Find — 1.  Top  of  hill.  2.  Place  of  worship.  3.  An  animal.  4.  A 
fruit.  5.  A common  fruit.  6.  Links  between  absent  friends.  7.  Union  of 
youth  and  old  age.  8.  A vegetable.  9.  Flowers.  10.  What  we  fight  for. 
11.  A metal.  12.  A messenger.  13.  A weapon  of  defense.  14.  A weapon 
of  warfare.  15.  A body  of  water.  16.  A beverage.  17.  What  young 
ladies  want.  18.  The  most  i)opular  State.  19.  What  men  work  for.  20. 
Sign  of  royalty.  21.  A jolly  dog. 


GAMES. 


77 


The  answers  are— 1.  Brow.  2.  Temple.  3.  Hare  (hair).  4.  Date. 
5.  Apple.  6.  Letters.  7.  1894  (the  date  of  the  penny).  8.  Ear.  9. 
Tulips  (two  lips).  10.  Liberty.  11.  Copper.  12.  One  sent  (cent),  13. 
Shield.  14.  Arrow.  15.  Sea  (c).  16.  Tea  (t).  17.  Beau  (bow).  18.  United 
States  (matrimony).  19.  Money.  20.  Crown.  21.  A merry  cur  (America). 

Usually  a half  hour  is  allowed  for  filling  out  the  blank  cards,  and  after 
that  some  time  for  correcting  the  lists  and  awarding  prizes. 

SILHOUETTES. 

For  a ‘‘Silhouette  Entertainment”  the  ladies’  names  are  written  on 
blank  cards  and  enclosed  in  envelopes,  which  are  then  put  in  a fancy  basket 
and  passed  around  to  each  gentleman  in  turn  to  take  an  envelope,  and  the 
lady  mentioned  on  the  card  in  his  envelope  is  his  partner,  each  to  draw  the 
other’s  profile.  All  are  then  given  pencil  and  paper — bookbinder’s  paper, 
white  on  one  side  and  black  on  the  other,  is  the  best — and  if  the  company  is 
a large  one,  place  at  one  end  of  the  room  three  boards,  so  that  three  coupled 
can  then  be  employed  at  one  time.  Tack  the  paper  black  side  next  to  the 
board ; the  lady  then  sits  in  a chair,  so  that  the  shadow  of  her  profile  will 
be  cast  on  the  paper  by  an  unshaded  lamp  or  candle,  and  the  gentlemai? 
carefully  traces  out  her  profile,  after  which  she  traces  his  profile.  When  thr 
three  couples  have  finished,  the  traced  paper  is  removed;  others  take  theif 
places,  while  they  adjourn  to  another  room,  where  should  be  a table  sup- 
plied with  white  paper,  four  or  five  pairs  of  scissors,  and  two  bottles  of 
library  paste,  the  parties  sitting  down  and  cutting  out  carefully  the  traced 
heads  and  pasting  them  on  white  paper,  with  the  black  side  out.  When  a i 
are  ready,  pin  the  silhouettes  on  a screen,  and  the  guests  vote  which  is  best, 
next  best,  and  the  poorest,  and  prizes  are  given  to  the  ones  decided  upon. 

A RIDDLE  ON  THOUGHTS. 

After  telling  the  players  what  is  expected  of  them,  one  of  the  gentlemen 
asks:  “What  is  my  thought  like?”  He  is  answered  at  random  by  all  the 
others  in  turn  and  he  writes  them  down  in  the  order  received.  First  one 
says  it  is  like  an  elephant.  Second,  like  grass.  Third,  is  like  the  sky  and 
Fourth  is  like  a tea-kettle. 

After  the  answers  are  all  given  then  he  says:  “I  have  been  thinking  of 
Miss  Mary  S.  and  why  is  she  like  an  elephant.  He  is  answered  because  she 
carries  her  trunk  with  her  when  she  travels;  she  is  like  the  grass  because 
her  wit  is  as  sharp  and  pointed  as  their  blades;  she  is  like  the  sky  because 
she  is  far  above  you,  and  she  is  like  a teA-kcttle  because  she  sin^s,  etc.,  etc- 


78  GAMES. 

FLORAL  SALAD. 

This  is  one  of  the  latest  forms  of  serving  salad.  The  unique  way  in 
which  it  is  served  is  very  appropriate  for  a floral  entertainment.  When  the 
time  foi  this  course  arrives  the  butler  and  his  assistant  manor  maid  appear 
bearing  broad,  snowy  florists’  baskets,  heaped  with  bouquets  of  an  ordinary’ 
size  and  composed  of  roses  and  ferns,  or  orchids  and  smilax^  always  two  or 
more  brightly  colored  contrasting  flowers,  with  delicate  greenery.  The 
bouquet  is  somewhat  ornately  made,  the  flowers  all  wired  and  the  stems 
bound  with  abundant  bows  and  streamers  of  rich  satin  ribbon.  The  butler 
and  his  assistant  offer  their  baskets  that  every  guest  may  choose  a bouquet, 
and  find  right  in  the  center,  deep  among  the  flowers,  a closely  folded  head 
of  lettuce  held  in  form  by  narrow  green  ribbons.  This  is  plucked  from  the 
nosegay,  laid  on  one’s  plate,  the  ribbons  untied  and  the  leaves  spring  apart 
to  display  a very,  very  thin  gelatine  cup,  holding  tomato  jelly  with  mayon- 
naise, or  minced  fowl,  lobster,  or  celery,  with  the  suitable  dressing.  The 
gelatine  cup  quickly  melts  awa^^  the  dressing  and  mince  meat  overflow  the 
lettuce,  the  salad  is  then  eaten  with  as  much  relish  as  though  served  in  the 
conventional  way,  and  the  bouquets  remain  as  souvenirs  for  the  guests  to 
carry  home. 

FLORAL  PARTIES. 


When  giving  invitations  have  in  one  corner  of  the  card  the  word 
“floral.” 

Decorate  the  rooms  as  prettily  as  possible,  and  the  tables  also.  Be- 
fore announcing  refreshments  distribute  cards  among  your  guests,  on  each 
of  which  is  written  a line  of  a poem.  Inform  them  that  the  line  on  each 
card  matches  a line  on  some  other  card,  and  when  joined  will  form  couplets 
from  well-known  poets,  and  are  all  about  flowers.  The  holders  must  match 
cards,  and  so  find  escorts  to  dinner.  Have  for  some  of  the  lines  : 


Another: 


In  May,  when  sea- winds  pierced,  in  solitude 
I found  the  fresh  rhoda  in  the  woods. 

— Emerson. 


Buttercups  that  will  be  seen. 

Whether  we  will  see  or  no. 

— Wadsworth. 


O sweet  is  the  new  violet. 

That  comes  beneath  the  skies. 

— Tennyson. 


GAMES, 


79 


When  sunset  clouds  are  hued  with  rose, 

Down  garden  paths  my  lady  goes 
To  pluck  the  pink  sweet  peas. 

— Clinton  Scollard. 

There  are  many  pretty  couplets  by  Shakespeare,  Longfellow,  Camp- 
bell, Felicia  Hemans  and  others.  After  dinner,  when  in  the  parlors,  arrange 
small  tables  as  if  for  cards,  with  a supply  of  paper  and  pencils. 

Announce  that  the  game  is  to  be  a “floral  tale,”  told  by  questions 
and  answers,  and  that  a prize  will  be  awarded  to  the  person  answering  the 
most  questions. 

“ What  was  her  name  ? ” 

“Lily.” 

An  adjective  that  just  fits  Lily  and  her  brother.  Ans. — Sweet  William. 

What  is  a favorite  sport  for  young  people  in  winter  ? Ans. — Snow  ball. 

What  is  a boys’  favorite  musical  instrument  ? Ans. — Trumpet. 

The  early  hour  in  which  he  woke  his  father  by  playing  on  it  ? Ans.— 
Four  o’clock. 

With  what  did  he  punish  him  ? Ans. — Birch  rod. 

What  did  this  make  the  boy  do  ? Ans. — Balsam. 

What  office  in  the  Presbyterian  Church  did  his  father  hold  ? Ans. — 
Elder. 

The  young  man’s  name  and  what  he  wrote  it  with  ? Ans. — Jonquil. 

What  he  being  single  often  lost  ? Ans. — Bachelor  Buttons. 

What  did  he  do  when  he  popped  the  question  ? Ans. — Aster. 

To  whom  did  she  refer  him  ? Ans. — Poppy. 

What  minister  married  them  ? Ans.— Jack-in-the-Pulpit. 

What  did  John  say  when  he  was  obliged  to  leave  her  for  a time. 
Ans. — Forget-me-not. 

What  color  was  the  horse  that  his  father  rode  ? Ans. — Sorrel. 

How  much  was  he  worth?  Ans. — A (mint)  of  gold. 

DESCRIBE  marigold’s  FATHER. 

He  was  an  awful  old  (Snap  Dragon)  and  his  temper  was  like  (Sour 
Grass),  he  also  had  an  (Adder’s  Tongue),  his  hair  was  like  the  (Flax)  of  pure 
Germanic  type,  he  wore  a (Dutchman’s  Breeches),  he  smoked  a (Dutchman’s 
Pipe),  his  daughter’s  path  was  twined  with  (Bittersweet),  it  did  not  run 
through  clover,  etc.,  etc.  The  prize  may  be  a lovely  water-color  of  flowers. 


80 


GAMES, 


FLORAL  GAME. 


For  this  game  write  on  separate  sheets  of  note  paper  a number  of 
stories,  leaving  a space  here  and  there  to  be  filled  out  by  the  players  with  a 
name  of  a flower  appropriate  to  the  sentence ; then  give  each  guest  a 
pencil  and  one  of  the  stories.  After  filling  the  spaces  with  names  of  different 
flowers,  the  stories  are  read  aloud,  which  create  much  amusement. 

The  following  is  an  example  of  how  one  of  the  stories  may  be  written, 
the  dots  are  to  represent  the  space,  but  remember  not  to  put  the  name  of 
the  flower  there; 


A young  man  named 


Sweet  William 


and  his  friend jiiVquii invited 


Maiigoid and  Miss j,— to  go  fishing.  They  a - 

morning-glory. 

■ and 


Miss  ■ 

at  ■ lou.veiick before  the  sun  brought  forth  the  - — ^^er 

prepari.  'g  a lunch  of „;i,kw  - d and  candied  ---iivi and  -•••••—•; they 

called  for  the  young  ladies  who  wore  ——daisy gowns  trimmed  with 

Their "poppy they  must  not  go  without  a chaperon,  so 

aunt  *"chrysanthemum  offered  her  services.  Her  gown  was  black  silk  with 
'"■pansybiossoms.*'**’  ^ bcautiful  Spring  day,  and  now  and  then  as  they 

walked  along  they  stopped  and  picked ‘Qiflowefs trim  their  hats. 

When  they  came  to  the  woods  •"  said, ‘‘oh, don’t  go  that  way, for 

the  around  and  the out.”  On  ariving  at  the 


gave  each  a with  a 


Jon-Quil  » V,  V, xa  w,  goldenrod  **  dandy  line  (dandelion) 

and  they  baited  them  with  the  catchfly » they  took  their 

" toiditoois- and  placed  them  on  the — 

morning  fishing  amid  much  enjoyment.  Finally,  as  they  started  for  home, 

they  met  a young  friend,  and  as  he  went  to  shake  Marguerite’s white 

hand,  he  slipped  on — beneath  her  dainty VadyiiFperV ^ 

- y^iioWro^ O.  which  so  embarrassed  the  young 

man  that  he  turned  away  with  a bieedYiiSh^art; exclaiming, 

I am  going  to  be  and  shall  forever 

bku;lielor'ii>'button. 


forget-me-not  1 

more  wear  a •• 


GAMES. 


81 


THE  FORTUNES  OF  PLAYERS. 

One  person  is  chosen  as  secretary  while  the  rest  of  the  players  are  seated 
around  the  tables  and  are  supplied  with  pencil  and  paper.  The  secretary 
orders  each  to  write  his  name  at  the  head  of  the  paper  and  fold  it  over, 
after  which  the  secretary  collects  the  papers  and  distributes  them  again 
saying:  “Character.”  Then  each  one  writing  out  an  imaginary  character 
hands  it  again  to  the  secretary  who  again  distributing  the  papers  says : 
“Past;”  “Present;”  “Future;”  and  so  continues  with  each  as  directed. 

The  papers  are  finally  collected  by  the  secretary,  unfolded  and  read 
aloud. 

For  example:  Robert  Adam,  character:  Kind  and  genial  and  ready  to 
do  a good  turn  to  a friend,  even  to  lending  him  a dollar;  also  successful  in 
all  undertakings.  Past:  Born  with  a silver  spoon  in  his  mouth,  but  he 
began  his  illustrious  career  as  a vendor  of  peanuts.  Present : Rolling  in 
affluence,  he  snaps  his  fingers  in  the  face  of  his  old  companions  and  refuses 
to  acknowledge  them.  Future:  As  president  of  the  council  he  will  raise  a 
racket  by  opposing  the  three  cent  car  fare.  Fate:  A blushing  damsel  will 
captivate  his  youthful  heart  and  will  make  him  happy  forever.  Fortune: 
In  his  old  age  he  will  have  three  acres  of  land  and  a cow,  which  will  be  his 
all  sufficient  patrimony. 

Of  course  each  paper  will  be  different  and  on  reading  them,  the  amuse- 
ment afforded  can  be  imagined  better  than  described. 

ANAGRAITS. 

Anagrams  are  the  transposition  of  the  letters  of  a word,  phrase  or 
short  sentence,  so  as  to  form  a new  word  or  sentence.  The  best  anagrams 
are  such  as  have,  in  the  new  order  of  letters,  some  signification  appro- 
priate to  the  word  from  which  they  are  formed. 

Astronomers. — No  more  stars. 

Sweetheart. — There  we  sat. 

Midshipman. — Mind  his  map. 

Presbyterian. — Best  in  prayer. 

Penitentiary. — Nay  I repent  it. 

Parliament. — Partial  men. 

An  easy  way  to  play  the  game  of  anagrams,  is  to  have  ready  several 
sets  of  the  alphabet,  each  letter  written  on  a small  card,  or  purchase  the 
cards  with  printed  letters.  Put  the  letters  in  separate  boxes,  that  is,  the 
A’s  in  one  box,  B’s  in  another,  etc. ; then  after  giving  to  each  one  a word 
selected  from  the  letters,  the  player  forms  a sentence  appropriate  to  the 
word,  as  shown  above. 


82 


GAMES. 


A STORY  IN  ANAGRAnS. 

Another  method  of  playing  the  game  of  anagrams  is  to  write  short 
stories,  putting  the  anagram  in  a sentence  appropriate  to  it,  and  drawing  a 
line  under  to  show  which  is  the  anagram.  The  following  is  an  example : 

Thinking  that  you,  dear  neat  Chair,  would  soon  come  to  the  red  nuts 
and  gin  of  what  I write  you  in  a rag  man  of  my  visits  with  a ery mangle  on 
the  I hire  parsons.  As  we  were  walking  along,  talking  about  the  good 
deeds  of  Flit  on  eheering  angel,  we  suddenly  met  a crowd  around  the  moon 
starer.  Asking  him  if  it  was  a rare  mad  frolie,  he  said  ’t/s  no  demon's  art 
that  he  was  holding  his  the  bar  watching  the  moon  shining  up  with  o/7 soap 
and  trying  to  enlighten  the  ten  tea  pots  of  different  countries.  We  did  not 
take  much  tsock  in  their  real  fun  or  to  love  ruin.  Two  sly  ware  came  up  to 
us  and  said  we  don’t  see  much  the  law  in  this.  We  had  never  sympathized 
with  the  doctrines  of  Sin  sat  on  a tin  tar  tub.  Our  first  call  was  on  a pop- 
ular house  rats,  who  had  just  returned  from  an  horse  eart  concert.  We  had 
a pleasant  call,  and  as  we  came  out  we  saw  a go  nurse  and  Dr.  Rieh  able 
man  driving  at  full  speed.  In  great  no  stern  aetion  we  followed  them,  and 
found  a just  master  hurt  by  the  cars.  When  the  excitement  was  over  we 
were  Tim  in  a pet  to  return  home,  so  that  ended  our  visits  to  the  I hire  par- 
sons. 

ANSWERS  TO  ANAGRAM  STORY. 

Cath  \rinc. — Neat  chair.  Understanding. — Red  nuts  and  gin.  Anagram. 
— A rag  man.  Clergyman. — Crymangle.  Parishioners. — I hire  parsons. 
Florence  Nightingale. — Flit  on  cheering  angel.  Astronomer. — Moon  starer. 
Radical  reform. — Rare  mad  frolic.  Demonstrations. — ’Tis  no  demon’s  art. 
Breath. — The  bar.  Sapolio. — Oil  Soap.  Potentates. — Ten  tea  pots.  Fun- 
eral.— Real  fun.  Revolution. — To  love  ruin.  Lawyers. — Sly  ware.  Wealth. 
'—The  law.  Transubstantiation- — Sin  sat  in  a tin  tar  tub.  Authoress. — 


GAMES.  83 

House  rats.  Orchestra. — Horse  cart.  Surgeon. — Go  nurse„  Chamberlain. — 
Rich  able  man.  Consternation. — No  stern  action.  Jamc.i  Stuart. — A just 
master.  Impatient. — Tim  in  a pet. 

The  following  Anagrams  are  appropriate  for  the  stories* 

Enigmatical. — In  magic  talc. 

Breakfast. — Fat  bakers. 

Misanthrope. — Spare  him  not. 

Peregrinations. — 0,  stranger!  I pine. 

Punishment. — Nine  thumps. 

A joint-stock  company. — Mock  joy-a-tin-pan-cost ! 

Old  England. — Golden  land. 

Telegraphs. — Great  helps. 

Solemnity. — Yes,  Milton. 

Malt-house. — Oh  use  malt. 

Somersault. — Roast  mules. 

W.  E.  Gladstone. — We  lads  get  on. 

Napoleon. — Pale  noon. 

Oratorio. — I roar  too. 


CHRONOGRAMS. 

Roman  numerals  may  concoct  a suitable  sentence  for  any  remarkable 
event  you  select.  For  example,  Queen  Elizabeth’s  death  was  in  1603, 
Roman  numerals  MDCIII.  The  chronogram  reads  thus:  “My  Day  is  Closed 
In  Immortality.” 

Raphael  died  in  1520,  MDXX:  “My  Deeds  eXceed  expectation.” 

William  Con  invades  Britain,  1066,  MLXYI:  “Mightj^  Leader  cXpect 
Victory  Invading  England.” 

A CIRCULATING  LIBRARY  PARTY. 

Each  guest  comes  representing  in  person  or  dress  the  title  of  some 
book.  All  are  given  cards  and  pencils,  and  an  hour  is  passed  in  reading 
the  bound  volumes  and  in  “circulating.”  A guess  as  to  the  title  of  the 
book  that  each  person  represents  is  then  written  on  each  card,  and  the 


84 


GAMES. 


person  who  guesses  the  largest  number  correctly  is  given  a prize.  A booby 
prize  is  also  given.  A game  played  to  lengthen  such  an  evening  consists  of 
guessing  the  meaning  of  a number  of  cards  (the  cards  being  passed  from 
one  to  another)  upon  which  are  drawings  each  representing  the  title  of  a 
book.  “ The  Little  Minister,”  ‘‘The  Orange  Bow,”  ‘‘The  Woman  in  White,” 
“Darkest  Africa,”  the  “Ring  and  the  Book,”  “The  Rose  of  a Hundred 
Leaves,”  “ The  Squirrel  Inn,”  and  many  other  books  that  can  be  easily 
represented,  but  not  so  easily  guessed  will  soon  occur  to  one  who  is  looking 
for  a character  for  “The  Circulating  Librar3^”  Many  others  will  be  sug- 
gested by  looking  over  the  catalogue  of  some  library. 

Another  method  of  a library  game  is  an  observation  of  book  titles. 
For  this,  have  a large  table  in  the  center  of  the  room  and  on  it  place  objects 
to  represent  the  title  of  books  such  as  a little  toy  boat  with  three  paper 
men  ia  it  and  a little  china  dog  beside  the  boat,  this  represents  the  title: 
“ Three  Men  in  a Boat,  Say  Nothing  of  the  Dog,”  “ Two  in  a Tower.”  Make 
a tower  of  cardboard  and  put  a large  figure  2 on  top  in  the  center. 

“Fair  Women  of  Castile.”  A cake  of  castile  soap  and  beside  it  two 
or  three  pictures  of  beautiful  women. 

“Forum.”  Four  little  bottles  in  a row  with  the  label  “rum”  on 
each. 

“Leather  Stocking  Tales.”  A piece  of  leather  and  two  fur  tails 
pinned  to  a stocking. 

“A  Rose  in  Bloom.”  A picture  of  a full  blown  rose  or  a natural  rose. 

“ Nicholas  Nickleby.”  A nickle  (5  cents)  the  word  us  another  nickle  and 
a picture  of  a bee. 

“Pick  Wick  Papers.”  A tooth  pick,  a lamp  wick,  place  these  on  two 
newspapers. 

“ Trilby.”  Represent  on  a staff  of  music  a note  to  be  trilled  and  put  a 
picture  of  a bee  after  it.  Each  guest  should  be  supplied  with  a pencil  and 
paper  and  at  a given  signal  they  try  to  guess  from  the  objects  on  the  table 
the  title  of  the  book ; writing  on  their  paper  what  they  think  it  is. 

The  hostess  limits  the  time  according  to  the  number  of  books  repre- 
sented (say  two  or  three  quarters  of  an  hour).  A prize  of  a nice  book  is 
given  to  the  one  who  guesses  the  most  correct  answers  and  a conundrum 
book  to  the  booby. 


GAMES.  85 

AN  OLD  MOTHER  GOOSE  PROGRESSIVE  EUCHRE  PARTY. 

A number  of  quaintly,  but  exquisitely  hand-painted  cards  should  be 
provided  in  place  of  the  usual  ribbon  favors,  and  each  guest  selects  a card 
at  random.  At  the  upper  right  hand  corner  of  each  card  should  be  a picture 
illustrating  in  an  original  way  the  idea  conveyed  by  one  or  two  lines  from 
Old  Mother  Goose’s  nursery  rhymes.  The  cards  intended  for  the  gentlemen 
should  have  the  first  line  or  lines  of  the  rhymes  and  those  for  the  ladies  con- 
tain the  concluding  lines  of  the  verses. 

For  instance,  on  one  card,  intended  for  a gentleman  guest,  should  be 
written  the  important  information  that 

‘‘Tommy  Snooks  and  Bessie  Brooks  went  walking  on  a Sunday.” 
and  the  figures  of  “Tommy”  and  “Bessie,”  true  to  life,  depicted  in  the 
opposite  corner.  The  card  which  matches  this  one  contains  the  sequel  to 
the  story : 

“Said  Tommy  Snooks  to  Bessie  Brooks,  to-morrow  will  be  Monday.’^ 

The  accompanying  picture  expresses  the  pleasure  with  which  “Bessie” 
receives  the  information  vouchsafed  by  “Tommy.”  The  gentlemen  find 
their  partners  by  matching  the  quotations  on  the  cards. 

FAMOUS  NUITBERS. 

Write  as  many  numbers  as  you  desire  on  slips  of  paper,  fold  each  and 
put  them  in  a dish.  When  passed  each  player  takes  one  but  must  not  look 
at  the  number,  each  one  in  turn  calls  off'  his  number  and  immediately  names 
as  many  famous  objects  or  people  as  the  number  calls  for,  one  person  keeps 
tally  of  how  many  numbers  each  answer  correctly.  Those  that  answer 
incorrectly  pay  a forfeit.  If  the  company  is  not  too  large  the  number  may 
be  distributed  four  or  five  times.  For  example : A is  called  first,  he  looks  at 
his  number,  and  says  I have  drawn  the  famous  number  9.  I think  the  nine 
Muses  are  famous.  B says  I have  drawn  the  famous  number  4.  Summer, 
Autumn,  Winter  and  Spring  are  a famous  four.  C says  I have  drawn  the 
famous  number  2.  Our  two  greatest  generals,  Washington  and  Grant. 
And  so  the  play  continues  until  all  the  numbers  are  drawn.  The  following 
are  appropriate  answers.  No.  12 — The  12  months,  or  the  12  Caesars.  No. 
5. — The  five  senses  are  very  famous.  Seeing,  Hearing,  Smelling,  Tasting 
and  Touching.  No.  1 — Shakespeare,  the  one  most  famous.  No.  4 — Earth, 
Air,  Fire  and  Water,  are  the  most  famous  in  power.  No.  8 — An  octave 
in  music,  the  most  famous  eight  I know  of;  this  answer  not  correct  will 
have  to  pay  a forfeit. 


86  GAMES. 

SIX  ORIGINAL  FORFEITS  FOR  A PARTY. 

FOR  GENTLEMEN. 

1.  To  give  a correct  imitation  of  the  process  of  shaving  himself. 

2.  To  give  a short  stump  oration  on  any  given  subject  suggested  by 
a lady. 

3.  To  go  through  correctly  (to  the  satisfaction  of  the  ladies  present) 
the  process  of  threading  an  imaginary  needle  and  sewing  on  an  imaginary 
button,  giving  at  the  same  time  a verbal  explanation. 

FOR  LADIES. 

4.  To  sing  the  three  first  lines  from  three  popular  songs,  without 
pausing. 

5.  To  act,  to  the  best  of  her  ability,  the  three  sensations  of  fear,  joy 
and  sorrow. 

6.  To  recite  a line  from  any  well  known  poem  backward. 

CONCERT  COniCAL. 

The  concert  affords  a great  deal  of  amusement,  and  is  a very  laugh- 
able game.  One  of  the  performers  plays  the  air  on  the  piano.  The  rest  of 
the  performers  are  each  provided  with  a wine  glass  and  a spoon,  on  which 
they  are  to  play  by  striking  lightly  the  edges  of  the  glass  at  every  place 
marked  by  the  music.  The  second  time  it  is  played  they  are  to  clap  hands 
at  the  same  places ; the  third,  the  men  are  to  whistle ; at  the  fourth,  the  per- 
formers are  to  laugh,  last,  a grand  final  of  spoons  and  the  glasses.  ‘^Yankee 
Doodle,”  “Up  in  a Balloon  Boys,”  or  any  familiar  tune  played  slowly  will 
answer. 

A SURPRISE  GAME. 

Tell  everybody  in  the  room  that  you  will  give  to  each,  in  a whisper,  the 
name  of  some  animal  whose  peculiar  cry  they  are  to  imitate  in  concert  at 
a given  signal.  To  all  but  two  persons  a lady  and  gentleman,  the  simple 
charge  to  “keep  perfectly  silent”  is  given.  Tell  the  lady  to  bark  like  a dog, 
and  the  gentleman  to  crow  like  a rooster.  Then  saying  all  be  ready  when 
I say  three.  Count,  “one;  two;  three!”  When  a lusty  crow  and  bark 
from  the  victims  of  the  joke  and  a laugh  from  the  others,  tell  them  that  the 
general  amusement  has  been  at  their  expense. 


87 


GAMES. 

GAflE  OF  QUOTATIONS. 

For  this  game  supply  each  member  of  the  company  with  paper  and 
pencil  and  have  each  one  write  their  name  at  the  top  of  the  paper  Then 
some  one  rising  gives  a quotation,  while  all  the  other  players  write  their 
names  upon  their  paper,  and  opposite  it  the  name  of  the  author  to  whom 
they  attribute  his  quotation.  After  each  in  turn  has  given  a quotation  and 
has  written  the  names  as  directed,  the  papers  are  collected  and  re-distrib- 
uted, care  being  taken  that  no  one  shall  receive  his  own.  Then  each  again 
rising  repeats  the  quotation  originally  given,  this  time  giving  the  name  of 
the  author;  the  other  players  correcting  meanwhile  the  papers  held  by  them. 
The  person  who  has  given  the  largest  number  of  authors  correctly,  wins  a 
prize.  For  example  the  first  player  rises  and  says : 

Handsome  is  that  handsome  does. 

The  next  says : 

Again  at  Christmas  did  we  weave 
The  holly  round  the  Christmas  hearth. 

The  next : 

“ Colors  seen  by  candle-light. 

Do  not  look  the  same  by  day. 

And  so  on  until  all  have  given  quotations.  When  the  papers  are 
exchanged,  No.  1 again  rising  says  : 

Handsome  is  that  handsome  does. 

— Goldsmith. 

No.  2.  Again  at  Christmas  did  we  weave 

The  holly  round  the  Christmas  hearth. 

— Tennyson, 

No.  3.  Colors  seen  by  candle-light 

Do  not  look  the  same  by  da3’. 

— Mrs.  Browning. 

If  any  player  has  substituted  some  other  name  for  that  of  Browning, 
Tennyson  or  Goldsmith,  or  has  failed  to  write  the  name  of  any  author,  it 
must  be  marked  as  incorrect.  One  person  then  collects  and  compares  all 
the  papers  and  announces  the  winner  of  the  prize. 


88  GAMES. 

BOUQUET  GAME. 

One  of  the  party  should  be  appointed  to  conduct  the  game  and  be 
supplied  with  paper  and  pencil.  Each  pla3^er  in  turn  gives  him  the  names 
of  three  flowers  for  her  bouquet,  while  he  in  turn  writes  their  names  on  his 
paper,  and  after  each  flower  writes  the  names  of  three  persons  in  the  room. 

He  then  demands  of  the  player,  who  has  composed  the  bouquet,  what 
he  intends  to  do  with  them.  On  hearing  the  answers  the  names  of  the 
three  persons  are  read  aloud.  For  example  : 

Miss  A choose  three  flowers; 

A rose,  carnation  and  a \i\y. 

The  leader  saj^s:  “Now  what  will  you  do  with  the  rose?”  Miss  A.: 
“Put  it  in  a vase.”  “The  carnation?”  “I  will  carry  it  to  a party.”  “The 
Lily?”  “Will  throw  it  out  of  the  window.’'  The  leader  then  says,  you  will 
put  Mr.  S.  in  a vase.  Mr.  M.  you  will  carry  to  a party,  and  Mr.  T.  you 
will  throw  out  of  the  window. 

The  leader  should  have  a separate  paper  for  each  player  and  write  their 
names  at  the  top.  When  they  are  all  finished  (as  directed  above)  then  the 
leader  reads  off  what  each  one  has  done  with  their  bouquet.  It  affords 
more  amusement  not  to  have  the  players  know  the  names  the  leader  gave 
to  their  flowers  until  they  are  read. 

THE  CURTAILED  PIG. 

Cut  a figure  of  a large  pig  from  black  paper  cambric  and  baste  it  on  the 
center  of  a sheet.  Then  stretch  it  tightly  across  a doorwa^q  tacking  it 
securely.  The  pig  must  be  minus  a tail,  also  his  ears.  Have  made  out  of 
the  cambric  ears  and  tail  appropriate  for  the  pig,  and  on  each  one  paste  a 
small  piece  of  white  paper  to  write  the  names  of  each  player  on  as  you  hand 
them  the  tails  and  ears.  When  all  is  ready,  the  players  are  blindfolded  in 
turn,  placed  facing  the  pig  a few  steps  back  in  the  room.  Then  turned 
around  rapidly  two  or  three  times  and  told  to  advance  with  the  tail  or  ear 
held  at  arms  length  and  with  a pin  previously  inserted  in  the  end,  attach  it 
to  the  cloth  wherever  they  first  touch  it. 

When  each  person  has  adorned  the  cloth  with  tails  and  ears,  the  person 
who  has  .succeeded  in  fastening  the  appendage  the  nearest  to  its  natural 
dwelling  place,  receives  a prize,  as  does  also  the  player  who  has  given  the 
most  eccentric  position.  This  is  a very  amusing  game  as  very  few  will  get 
the  tail  or  cars,  intrusted  to  their  care,  in  the  right  place. 


GAMES.  89 

A QUOTATION  flENU. 

This  menu  is  appropriate  to  use  at  a quotation  party.  The  quotation 
menu  is  said  to  have  had  its  rise  in  Boston — the  home  of  culture — and  to 
Boston  is  due  the  latest  improvement  of  the  menu,  which  consists  in  setting 
forth  the  bill  of  fare  in  appropriate  quotations  only,  leaving  the  guests  to 
divine  for  themselves  the  names  of  the  dishes  to  which  they  apply.  The 
Household y by  request,  has  prepared  such  a menu,  made  up  entirely  of 
Shakespeare  quotations.  Had  the  choice  not  been  limited  to  Shakespeare 
quotations,  the  task  would  have  been  easier  and  much  more  amusing.  The 
answers  are  put  in  brackets  so  that  there  could  be  no  mistake,  but  they 
should  be  numbered  and  printed  on  a separate  paper,  leaving  a blank  space 
for  the  guests  to  write  their  answers  on. 

The  menu  is  as  follows  : 

(The  invitation). 

Better  three  hours  too  soon  than  a minute  too  late. 

— Merry  Wives  of  Windsor. 

(O^^sters). 

The  world’s  mine  oyster. 

Which  I with  sword  will  open. 

— Merry  Wives. 

(Celery). 

Cum  grano  salis. 

(Olives). 

Drowned  already,  sir,  with  salt  water,  — Twelfth  Night. 

(Radishes). 

A brittle  glory.  — Richard  II. 

(Soup). 

A hot  friend  cooling.  — Julius  Caesar. 

(Salted  Almonds). 

Some  relish  of  the  saltness  of  time.  — II  Henry  lY. 

(Fish). 

Thy  blood  is  cold  ; 

Thou  hast  no  speculation  in  those  eyes 
Which  thou  dost  glare  with.  — Macbeth. 

(Chafing  dish  entree). 

If  it  were  done  when  ’tis  done,  then  ’twerc  well 

It  were  done  (juickly.  — Macbeth. 

( Peas). 

How  green  you  are  and  fresh. 


— King  John. 


GAMES. 


90 

(Roast  Turkey). 

Stuffed  with  all  honorable  virtues.  — Much  Ado. 

(Spinach  Souffle). 

The  earth  hath  bubbles  as  the  water  has, 

And  these  are  of  them.  —Macbeth. 

(Sherbet). 

Then  farewell  heat  and  welcome  frost.  — Merchant  of  Venice. 

(Game). 

What  is  the  opinion  of  Pythagoras  concerning  wild  fowl  ? 

— Twelfth  Night. 

(Salad). 

I warrant  there’s  vinegar  and  pepper  in’t.  — Twelfth  Night. 

(Cheese). 

I have  been  acquainted  with  the  smell  before. 

— Two  Gentlemen  of  Verona. 

(Dessert). 

Trifles  light  as  air.  — Othello. 

Sweet,  not  lasting.  —Hamlet. 

The  perfumes  and  suppliance  of  a minute.  — Hamlet. 

(Coffee). 

Although  the  last,  not  least.  — Lear. 

(Bon  Bons). 

See  “ Sweets  to  the  sweet.”  — Shakespeare. 

A WINTER  TOUR  THROUGH  THE  UNITED  STATES. 

Write  your  invitation  in  the  following  manner : Dear  Miss  B.  or  Mr. 
S.,  I am  making  up  a party  to  take  a tour  through  the  United  States.  It 
will  be  very  select,  and  I should  like  the  pleasure  of  numbering  you  among 
the  tourists. 

I have  had  large  experience  in  all  modern  modes  of  travel,  and  being  a 
linquist  of  no  mean  ability,  I can  act  as  interpreter  to  any  form  of  the 
United  States”  language. 

The  cars  are  well  lighted,  evenly  heaced  by  furnace  and  built  for  use. 
The  train  will  start  from  New  York  at  8:30  P.  M.,  Friday,  November  16th. 
Meals  are  included. 

The  accompanying  coupon  will  entitle  you  to  a ticket  and  all  the  privi- 
leges of  the  party.  Please  i)rcscnt  it  at  the  ticket  office  on  the  evening  of 
the  start.  The  coupon  is  not  transferable.  Gertrude  Lee. 


GAMES.  91 

Enclose  with  the  invitation  a ticket  which  is  printed  on  buff  paper  in 
regulation  length  and  reads  as  follows : 

FROLICTOWN  & CONUNDRUMVILLE  GREAT  WESTERN  RAILWAY. 

The  Great  Northwestern  Route. 

“Puddinhead  Wilson,”  Receiver. 

This  entertainment  affords  a great  deal  of  amusement.  The  places 
where  the  tourists  stop  are  in  the  form  of  conundrums.  Take  as  many 
sheets  of  paper  as  yon  have  guests,  and  have  a pencil  attached  to  each. 
Then  on  each  sheet  make  out  a ticket  by  writing  down  as  many  stations 
as  the  tourists  will  stop  at.  Then  opposite  the  numbers  write  your  ques- 
tion, leaving  a blank  space  for  the  tourists  to  put  down  their  answers. 
The  answers  of  the  questions  are  written  on  a separate  paper  and  are  given 
in  charge  of  the  one  who  is  to  decide  which  ticket  has  the  most  correct 
answers.  For  example:  No.  I.  The  gentlemen  are  given  the  privilege  to 
hunt  for  a wild  animal.  Ans. — Buffalo. 

* II.  An  opera  encore.  Ans. — Sing  Sing. 

III.  An  accident  which  results  in  a ducking.  Ans. — Fall  River. 

IV.  An  improvement  on  the  ship  which  grounded  on  Mount  Arrarat. 
Ans. — Newark. 

V.  Named  for  an  ancient  city  whose  downfall  after  a long  siege 
avenged  the  abduction  of  a woman.  Ans. — Troy. 

VI.  A superlative  and  rushing  waters.  Ans. — Grand  Rapids. 

VII.  A girl’s  name  and  a Roman  garment.  Ans. — Saratoga. 

VIII.  Where  all  have  been.  Ans. — Boston. 

IX.  Named  for  the  father  of  our  country.  Ans. — Washington. 

X.  A purely  American  product  and  a continuous  structure.  Ans. — 
Cornwall. 

XI.  A place  for  the  lingerers.  Ans. — Tarrytown. 

XII.  A high  place  and  what  all  children  love.  Ans. — Mount  Desert. 

XIII.  A military  defense  and  a Paris  dressmaker.  Ans. — Fort  Worth. 

XIV.  After  leaving  this  last  station  we  were  reminded  on  every  hand 
by  an  ocean  west  of  Australia.  Ans. — Indians.  (India  Ocean.) 

XV.  Our  board  of  city  fathers,  also  a precipice.  Ans. — Council  Bluffs. 

XVI.  An  exclamation,  an  appeal  to  maternity,  a laugh.  Ans. — 
Omaha. 


92 


GAMES, 


XVII.  A city  whose  end  and  aim  is  “go.”  Ans. — Chicago. 

XVIII.  Named  from  the  King  of  France  who  reigned  from  1226  to 
1270,  A.  D.  Ans. — Louisville. 

XIX.  The  greatest  engineering  feat.  Ans. — Wheeling. 

The  guests  should  be  arrayed  in  traveling  costumes  and  should  arrive 
on  time.  On  entering  the  door  they  observe  a screened  corner  with  the  con- 
ventional ticket  window,  behind  which  sits  a young  man  to  take  the 
tickets.  On  presenting  the  ticket  he  will  hand  each  guest  a paper  with 
their  name  written  at  the  top  and  on  which  are  the  names  of  the  stations. 

A gay  baggagemaster  stands  at  the  foot  of  the  stairs  to  take  the  wraps 
from  the  guests. 

Promptly  at  8:30  the  passengers  are  all  supposed  to  have  arrived  and 
are  allowed  to  pass  through  the  gate  into  the  sitting  room  and  take  seats 
in  the  parlor  car ; then  when  all  are  seated  a young  man  blows  the  whistle, 
another  calls  ” all  aboard,”  a third  clangs  a bell  and  they  are  supposed  to 
have  started.  , 

A limited  time  is  given,  and  when  the  fun  is  at  its  height,  the  conductor 
calls  out  that  the  train  has  stopped  and  the  passengers  are  requested  to 
repair  to  the  dining-room  for  dinner.  Gertrude  collects  the  papers  and  at 
the  same  time  hands  each  one  a printed  menu  with  a pencil  attached,  for 
them  to  write  down  answers  to  the  dishes  on  the  menu.  While  the  passen- 
gers are  eating  dinner,  Gertrude  and  an  assistant  decide  which  two  have 
given  the  most  correct  answers  to  the  names  of  stations,  to  which  give  a 
miniature  grip  and  a Saratoga  trunk.  To  the  two  who  guesses  the  most 
correct  answers  in  the  menu  give  to  one  a double  wine  glass  filled  with 
wine  which  is  a good  imitation  of  a glass  of  wine,  and  to  the  other  a pretty 
bon  bon  dish  filled  with  bon  bons.  Print  the  menu  as  follows,  only  leave 
a blank  space  for  the  answers,  which  should  be  on  a separate  paper  : 

1.  Thin  but  hot — Soup. 

2.  Joy  of  “ The  Fourth  ” — Crackers. 

3.  A white  child  with  green  hair  from  a black  home — Celer3^ 

4.  A country  of  Europe — Turke}'. 

5.  Dasal — Salad. 

6.  Decorated  bivalves — Scalloped  Oysters. 

7.  What  mother  “needs  ” — Bread. 

8.  2 o’s,  2 t’s,  1 a and  a p;  i)ut  them  togctlier  and  you’ll  spell  me— 
J*otat(jes. 


GAMES. 


93 


9.  What  some  noses  do — Tnrnip  (up). 

10.  A female  Indian  plus  a tree — Squa(a)ch  (squash). 

11.  On-is-on — Onions. 

12.  Inspissated  sap — 

13.  The  result  of  a cold  and  the  end  of  life — Cough-e  (Coffee). 

14.  T— Tea. 

Desserts — 16.  Confused  type — Pi — Pie;  17.  Musical  nuts — Doughnuts 
(do);  18.  He  see  C — Cheese  ; 19.  Frozen  noise — Ice  Cream;  20.  See  ache, 
C-ake  (cake). 

Some  nuts  to  crack — 21.  Laz-he — Hazel;  22.  Pance — Pecan;  23. 
Mad-lon — Almond  ; 24.  Ch^^-ko-ri — Hickory  ; 25.  No-arc — Acorn  ; 26. 
Bunt-ru-ett— Butternut ; 27.  Hunt-tecs— Chestnut ; 28.  Nawl-tu— Walnut ; 
29.  Tu-oc-anoc — Cocoanut;30,  Ce-beh— Beech. 

Be  sure  and  have  your  answers  on  a separate  paper  and  numbered  ac- 
cordingly. 


AN  AUTUMN  SOCIAL. 


The  invitations  are  issued,  written  on  cards  in  a corner  of  which  is 
painted  in  water-colors  a tiny  hand  scattering  autumn  leaves  broadcast. 

When  autumn  leaves  are  plentiful  they  should  be  gathered,  pressed  be- 
tween blotting  paper  and  treated  to  a thin  coating  of  white  varnish,  bring- 
ing out  all  the  beautiful  colors. 

Naked  branches  of  trees  should  be  wired  with  them  and  placed  in  con- 
venient and  unique  places  over  mantle  and  pier  glass  to  reflect  their  splen- 
dor. 

All  brilliant  lights  are  prohibited  and  pumpkins  posted  all  over  the 
house  hold  the  soft  candle-lights  that  are  placed  in  their  enclosure. 
Grotesque  faces  should  be  cut  in  them  to  let  through  the  light,  or  tiny 
pumpkins  hung  in  chandelier  form,  holding  tall  candles,  while  pumpkin 
vases  in  the  shape  of  flowers  (scalloped  at  the  top)  hold  asparagus  greens, 
with  sprays  of  red  berries,  autumn  leaves  and  goldenrod. 

Sheaves  of  wheat,  grasses,  cat-tails  and  slender  corn  stalks  are  the  dec- 
orations in  the  dining  room,  where  a long  table  with  30  covers  is  spread. 
If  not  convenient  to  seat  as  many  use  lunch  tables  with  a smaller  centre 
table. 


94 


GAMES. 


If  one  chooses  place  a pumpkin  with  faces  cut  in  it  over  each  gas  jet  in 
the  chandelier. 

Autumn  leaves  are  so  suspended  from  the  ceiling  on  tiny  wires  that 
with  the  least  rustle  in  the  room  they  quiver  and  give  the  impression  that 
they  are  about  to  fall. 

An  autumn  leaf  centerpiece  is  an  attractive  feature,  being  maple  leafs 
placed  in  an  oval  shape,  so  as  to  form  or  represent  the  embroidered  center- 
piece  so  much  in  vogue.  A large  glass  bowl  is  filled  with  beautiful  chrysan- 
themums. 

The  menu  cards  should  be  two  pretty,  highly-colored  maple  leaves,  with 
a card  closely  fitted  and  cut  to  match  the  notches  in  the  leaves,  placed  be- 
tween— on  which  the  menu  is  written  ; long  stems  are  left  on  and  tied  to- 
gether with  knots  and  streamers  of  gayly-colored  ribbons  to  match  thereds 
and  golds  in  the  leaves. 

These  are  carried  away  as  souvenirs  of  the  occasion,  as  well  as  golden 
ears  of  corn — a few  kernals  taken  out  to  be  replaced  by  a tiny  calendar — 
the  special  date  of  the  event  being  marked  and  the  ear  tied  with  red  ribbon. 

The  menu  is  not  of  a conventional  nature,but  rather  verged  toward  the 
other  extreme,  only  enhancing  the  novelty  the  more.  Sweet  cider  should  be 
served  in  small  dipper-shaped  gourds.  Gourds  in  various  sizes  hold  ices, 
jellies,  sugar  plums,  popcorn  and  nuts,  to  say  nothing  of  scalloped  boat- 
shaped pumpkin  bowls  that  hold  the  brimming  sweets  and  red-cheeked 
apples. 

The  guests  may  be  entertained  before  supper  with  instrumental  music, 
essays,  songs,  or  anything  pertaining  to  autumn.  After  supper  clear  the 
floor  for  dancing. 

AN  AUTUriN  PICNIC. 

The  rooms  may  be  decorated  for  an  autumn  picnic  the  same  as  for  an 
autumn  social,  only  decorate  one  room  as  near  as  you  can  to  represent 
woods.  Have  the  fireplace  arranged  so  as  to  roast  ears  of  corn  in  it,  then 
have  on  a table  near  by  ears  of  corn  and  all  the  conveniences  for  roasting. 
In  a corner,  with  cosy  seats,  place  a large  bowl  of  hickory  nuts,  cracked, 
Y/ith  some  small  plates  and  nutpicks  beside  them.  Have  hanging  in  a 
convenient  place  a large  bunch  of  bananas  and  arrange  around  the  rooms 
any  fruits  that  would  be  suitable  for  picnics. 

The  invitations  arc  given  out  the  same  as  for  the  “ Autumn  Social,” 
only  requesting  the  guests  to  come  arrayed  in  picnic  garb.  The  costumes 


GAMES. 


95 


should  be  many  and  odd.  For  example:  A young  man  six  feet  tall  should 
wear  blue  jean  overalls  that  belonged  to  a man  a foot  lower  in  the  world 
than  himself.  A blue-checked  farmer’s  blouse,  a hat,  through  the  crown  his 
abundant  crop  of  blonde  hair  protruded  itself,  and  the  inevitable  red  ban- 
danna completes  his  equipment  and  makes  him  appear  like  an  overgrown 
farmer  lad.  There  should  be  others  with  big  boots  and  full  suits  of  blue 
jean.  Old-fashioned  ginghams,  calicoes,  etc.,  and  big  picnic  hats  distin- 
guish the  farmer  lasses  of  the  party.  Red  bandannas  should  be  numerous. 

About  nine-thirty  in  the  evening  the  dinner  is  served.  It  differs  in  no 
way  from  the  regulation  menu  except  that  lemonade  is  served  instead  of 
coffee  or  chocolate. 

The  following  recipe  makes  a aelicious  cake  to  serve  at  the  Picnic: 

One  cup  of  brown  sugar,  two  tablespoonfuls  of  butter,  two-thirds  of  a 
cup  of  sweet  milk,  two  eggs,  one-third  of  a cup  of  grated  chocolate  melted 
with  a little  hot  water,  one  teaspoonful  of  soda  dissolved  in  a little  hot 
water,  one  teaspoonful  of  baking  powder,  one  teaspoonful  of  vanilla  flavor- 
ing and  two  cups  of  flour,  with  almond  frosting.  It  is  called  “ devil’s  food.” 

The  sandwiches  for  this  winter  Picnic  should  be  cut  with  a round  cake- 
cutter  in  disks  to  represent  tennis  balls;  others,  for  which  a special  cutter 
can  be  made  by  the  local  tinsmith,  representing  tennis  rackets;  a tiny  olive 
pressed  into  the  wide  end  represents  the  ball.  The  apples  are  polished  until 
they  shine,  and  are  served  from  baskets. 

The  guests  may  be  entertained  by  dancing,  also  games  which  are  suit- 
able for  picnics. 


TALLY=HO  BEZIQUE. 

A delightful  game  for  a carriage  party  on  a long  drive  is  not  properly 
classed  with  evening  amusements  for  the  house,  but  is  mentioned  here  be- 
cause it  is  useful.  One  who  has  never  tried  it  will  be  surprised  to  find  how 
much  pleasure  is  to  be  had  from  a game  so  simple.  Suppose  your  party 
consists  of  six  people,  riding  in  a three-seated  conveyance.  The  three  on 
the  right  hand  make  one  side  (always  include  the  driver  in  this  game,  for  he 
is  the  most  powerful  aid,  as  you  will  see),  and  the  three  on  the  left  hand 
form  the  other  side.  The  game  consists  in  naming  and  counting  the  ani- 
mals passed  on  either  side  of  the  road  as  one  drives.  A horse,  cow,  sheep, 
dog,  cat  or  hen,  indeed,  any  of  the  lower  animals  except  those  that  fly  in 
the  air  or  creep  on  the  earth,  counts.  A human  being  counts  20,  a yellow 


96 


GAMES. 


dog  counts  100,  and  a cat  looking  out  of  a window  counts  250;  a white 
horse  counts  50,  a bay  horse  25,  a black  horse  60,  sheep  count  5,  a black 
sheep  counts  10,  hens  count  3,  a rooster  5,  a cow  counts  20,  a white  cow 
counts  40,  a common  dog  counts  two  and  a pig  counts  4.  The  side  which 
counts  1,000  first  wins  the  game  and  a new  one  is  started.  Sometimes  the 
contest  becomes  very  exciting.  The  driver  directs  his  course  to  the  right 
or  left  of  the  horses,  cows  or  sheep  met  in  the  way  for  the  benefit  of  his  side; 
an  interested  player  jumps  out  and  drives  a stray  animal  out  of  its  eourse 
for  his  benefit,  and  all  sorts  of  devices  are  adopted  for  bringing  peo])le  to 
the  doors  and  windows  to  be  counted.  Sometimes  the  company  is  a very 
thirsty  one  and  must  have  numerous  drinks  of  water,  or  stops  often  to 
enquire  the  way  at  the  scattered  farm-houses,  and  of  course  every  human 
being  that  appears  on  the  scene  counts  20  for  the  one  side  or  the  other. 
Give  each  one  a small  blank  book  with  the  names  of  each  object  and  what 
it  counts  written  on  the  first  page.  Each  one  keeps  tally  on  a blank  page 
the  same  as  they  do  in  Bezique.  This  is  enjoyed  by  both  old  and  young  and 
is  variously  called  Coaching  Bezique.  The  side  that  succeeds  in  getting  two 
games  of  1,000  each,  is  treated  by  the  opposite  side  to  a box  of  bon-bons 
or  a stick  of  candy  to  each. 

RECIPES  FOR  TROUBLE. 

If  down  with  the  blues  read  Psalm  x^iii. 

If  there  is  a chilly  sensation  about  the  heart.  Revelations  iii. 

If  you  do  not  know  where  to  look  for  the  next  month’s  rent  read 
Psalm  xxvii. 

If  lonesome  and  Unprotected  Psalm  xcvii. 

If  the  stovepipe  has  fallen  down  and  the  cook  gone  off  mad,  wash  your 
hands  and  read  James  iii. 

If  losing  confidence  in  men  I Corinthians  iii. 

If  pelted  with  hard  words  John  xvi  and  Psalm  ii. 

If  discouraged  about  your  work  Psalm  xii  and  Galatians  vi,  7-9. 

If  all  out  of  sorts  read  Hebrews  xii. 

These  reci]K*s  have  been  tested  and  can  be  relied  on  always  to  turn  out 
well. 


GAMES. 


9T 


TEACUP  SCIENCE. 

Teacup  science  is  the  wild  witchcraft  in  which  our  great  grandmothers 
delighted  a hundred  years  ago. 

Your  fate  is  told  by  the  position  of  the  grounds  in  the  cup  when  the  tea 
has  been  consumed. 

The  tea  is  all  sipped  but  a very  few  drops,  which  serve  to  keep  the 
grounds  in  circulation.  The  cup  is  whirled  three  times  about.  Then  turned 
into  the  saucer  and  turned  three  times  again.  The  fortune  teller  then  raises 
the  cup  and  begins  the  reading. 

The  indications  of  fate  are  numerous.  A few  of  the  most  important  are 
as  follows : 

The  lover,  a man  or  woman,  is  represented  b}"  a number  of  dots  in 
which  one  figure  stands  separate.  Two  side  by  side  mean  an  engagement, 
while  three  show  marriage.  An  offer  of  marriage  is  shown  by  a kneeling 
figure  in  the  cup.  A group  or  groups  of  dots  settled  three  in  a row,  mean 
a prospect  of  acceptance.  Without  them  the  lover  has  no  chance. 

Three  large  dots  in  the  shape  of  a parallelogram  should  be  watched. 
These  mean  illness,  bad  news,  or  loss  of  money.  Three  large  dots  in  trian- 
gular shape  mean  just  the  contrary — good  news,  good  fortune  and  good 
health. 

Four  dots  in  square  form  tell  of  an  important  letter.  A dot  within  the 
square  or  just  outside,  means  something  in  the  letter  which  you  will  like  to 
hear,  or  something  you  will  want  to  receive,  as  money.  Small  fla kes  within 
the  square  or  near  it  indicate  bad  news  in  the  epistle. 

If  you  wish  for  something  with  great  fervor,  three  dots  in  the  form  of  a 
triangle  bid  you  hope.  The  wish  is  about  to  come  true.  If  you  are  hoping 
for,  or  dreading  a long  journey,  watch  out  for  a long  line  of  tiny  dots  ex- 
tending half  about  the  cup. 

A group  of  dots  and  figures  near  the  terminus  of  the  line  indicates  that 
you  will  be  greeted  by  a mass  meeting  or  a very  large  company  of  friends 
upon  3"Our  arrival. 

Very  large  dots  in  a line  warn  you  that  many  trials  and  difficulties  mav 
be  expected.  If  these  are  mixed  with  fine  dots,  you  will  encounter  disagree- 
able people  and  confusion. 

Tears  to  be  shed  for  one  cause  or  another  are  represented  by  drops  of 
tea  in  the  bottom  of  the  cup.  A clean  rim  to  the  cup  means  a quiet,  happy, 
fortunate  and  prosperous  existence.  Look  out  for  a leaf  which  folds  over 


98 


GAMES. 


the  rim.  This  indicates  that  you  are  likely  to  encounter  something  that 
will  prove  unavailable. 

The  different  shapes  of  leaves  indicate  respectively  men,  women  and 
garments.  A long,  hard  leaf  shows  a man  in  the  case.  Small  leaves  or 
even  points  upon  the  long  leaf,  take  the  form  of  his  silk  hat,  walking  stick 
or  boot,  etc.  A woman  is  indicated  by  a broader  leaf  of  paler  shade.  She 
is  often  distinguished  by  her  wide  skirts,  her  bonnet,  parasol,  etc. 

To  ascertain  whether  or  not  these  two  are  friends,  or  enemies,  examine 
the  space  about  them.  If  it  is  filled  with  tiny  dots  or  flakes  thickly  settled 
they  are  hostile.  If  the  space  be  clear  and  no  dots  appear  immediately 
about  them,  they  are  friends. 

GEOGRAPHICAL  RECEPTION. 

This  unique  entertainment  may  be  played  in  the  same  manner  as  the 
circulating  library,  with  cards,  or  the  guests  are  requested  to  wear  some 
geographical  symbol  of  a town,  city,  mountain  or  bay.  Each  guest  may 
exercise  his  own  ingenuity  in  wearing  some  article  which  will  represent 
the  place  he  may  select.  Each  player  is  provided  with  a card  and  pencil, 
on  which  to  write  the  names  of  the  places,  etc.,  guessed.  A prize  is  given 
to  the  largest  number  of  correct  answers,  also  a booby  prize  is  given.  The 
following  gives  some  excellent  ideas  of  how  the  game  is  played.  One  man 
enters  the  room  with  his  hat  on,  which  represents  Manhattan  (man  hat  on). 
Another  guest  has  a large  bow  of  hay  worn  at  the  neck,  indicating  Haiti 
(hay  tie).  A Lima  bean  carried  in  the  hand  naturally  suggests  Lima,  but 
a little  further  guessing  proves  it  to  be  Caribbean.  A red  letter  C — Red  Sea. 
Black  letter  C — Black  Sea.  A piece  of  oak,  together  with  a little  soil,  indi- 
cates Oakland.  A piece  of  lard — Greece.  A double  almond — Philippine 
Islands.  A tin  horn  worn  on  a cape — Cape  Horn.  A young  lady  dressed 
in  green  cheesecloth,  with  trimming  on  bodice,  sleeves,  and  skirt  cut  in  deep 
points  will  represent  Greenpoint.  A large  fishhook  covered  with  sand  is  a 
good  symbol  of  Sandy  Hook.  The  names  of  two  States  joined  together — 
United  States.  A collar,  an  advertisement  and  an  O — Colorado.  A Frank- 
furter sausage  on  a piece  of  bacon  rind — Frankfurt  on  the  Rhine.  A small 
piece  of  liver  in  a little  water — Liverpool.  A set  of  Japanese  dolls  dressed 
in  boys’  costume,  each  one  having  fastened  on  his  breast  the  name  of  Benny. 
As  they  arc  all  named  Benny,  they  represent  the  State  capital,  Albany,  (all 
Benny).  The  following  conundrum  is  appropriate  at  this  reception:  If 
Miss  Ouri  (Missouri)  should  wear  Mrs.  Tppi’s  (Mississippi)  new  jersey 
(New  Jersey)  what  would  Della  wear  (Delaware)?  Ans. — I’ll  ask  her 
(Alaska). 


GAMES. 


99 


CONUNDRUnS  ON  AUTHORS. 

The  following  conundrums  will  be  appropriate  to  use  in  “a  circulating 
library  game  ” or  a “ Game  of  Quotations : ” 

1.  A slang  expression. — Dickens. 

2.  An  animal  and  what  she  cannot  do. — Cowper. 

3.  Meat,  what  are  you  doing  ? — Browning. 

4.  A kind  of  linen. — Holland. 

5.  One  who  is  more  than  a sandy  shore. — Beecher. 

6.  To  agitate  a weapon. — Shakespeare. 

7.  A lion’s  home  where  there  is  no  water. — Dryden* 

8.  Very  rapid. — Swift. 

9.  Fiery  things. — Burns. 

10.  A worker  in  precious  metals. — Goldsmith. 

11.  Humpbacked  but  not  deformed.— Campbell. 

12.  An  English  game  and  the  orb  of  day.— Tennyson. 

13.  Residences  of  civilized  people. — Holmes. 

14.  Brighter  and  smarter  than  the  last. — Whittier. 

15.  The  infallible  one. — Pope. 

16.  A lady’s  garment. — Hood. 

17.  A celebrated  English  essayist. — Lamb. 

18.  The  wisest,  brightest  and  meanest  of  mankind. — Bacon. 

Write  the  conundrums  out  but  do  not  give  the  answer,  and  to  each 
paper  attach  a pencil,  for  the  guest  to  write  the  answer,  opposite  the  conun- 
drum. 

Have  the  conundrums  written  out  neatly  with  the  correct  answer  oppo- 
site, and  present  to  each  guest  as  a souvenir  after  it  had  been  decided  who 
had  given  the  largest  number  of  correct  answers. 

SHADOW  PICTURES. 

Very  interesting  and  startling  effects  may  be  obtained  from  shadow 
pictures,  which  can  be  arranged  thus : 

Stretch  a sheet  across  the  folding  doorway  and  place  a lamp  on  a table 
a little  distance  from  the  screen,  so  thnt^  the  l)crf^^rm#»rs  may  act  between 


100 


GAMES. 


the  screen  and  the  light.  The  following  is  a list  of  some  very  mteresting 
shadows  which,  with  a little  ingenuity,  may  be  cast  upon  the  screen. 

1.  Naughty  But  Nice. — A young  lady  wearing  a large  sunbonnet  and  a 
young  man  in  the  act  of  kissing  her. 

2.  A Close  Cut. — A barber  with  brush  and  apron  cutting  a young  man’s 
hair,  which  is  nothing  more  than  a newspaper  cut  in  fringe  and  tied  on  the 
head. 

o.  The  Dancing  Girl. — Pin  a skirt  on  one  side  of  the  body  and  under  this 
manipulate  a false  leg,  which  can  be  made  of  an  umbrella  stuffed  out  at  one 
end  to  look  like  a foot  with  a stocking  and  dainty  slipper  on. 

4.  The  Wonderful  Broomstick  Eater. — Have  some  one  leaning  back  in 
a chair  so  that  a broom  may  be  pushed  past  his  face  in  such  a way  that  the 
shadow  produced  will  look  exactly  as  if  the  stick  were  being  eaten. 

5.  The  Giantess. — A girl  standing  on  a chair  with  a shawl  draped 
around  her,  long  enough  to  touch  the  floor  and  cover  the  chair,  thus  repre- 
senting a skirt. 

6.  The  Prize  Fight. — Wonderful  knock-out  blows  may  be  produced  from 
this  act. 

7.  Romeo  and  Juliet. — A step-ladder  with  shawl  drapery  will  produce 
the  effect  of  a fine  balcony. 

8.  As  You  Like  It. — Man  walking  with  his  arm  around  a young  lady. 

The  dancing  girl  does  some  very  high  kicking  with  the  false  foot  and 

after  the  scene  the  kicker  is  exhibited  to  the  company. 

A FATHER’S  ADVICE. 

A father  has  three  bashful  sons,  and  wishing  to  overcome  their  bashful- 
ness, he  invited  a party  of  young  women  for  a drive  at  the  park.  Then 
turning  to  the  eldest  he  addressed  him  by  name:  (which  was  what  he 
wished  him  to  do)  Jerryboum ! (Jerry-beau- ’em ) Jerryboum  hesitated  a 
moment,  then  the  father  turned  to  the  second  son  calling  him  by  name. 
Samuel!  (Sam-you-will.)  The  two -sons  took  their  seats  in' the  rig.  Then 
turning  to  the  youngest  son  addressing  him  byname,  Benjamin!  (Ben-jam- 
in.)  He  told  them  that  10  o’clock  was  late  enough  for  bedtime  , and  no 
matter  how  agreeable  might  be  their  companions  they  should  leave  them 
at  that  hour.  What  command,  often  heard  in  military  drills,  was  he  giving? 
Ans. — Attention,  company.  (At  10,  shun  company.) 


GAMES. 


101 


A PROGRESSIVE  BICYCLE  PICNIC. 

A bicycle  picnic  is  the  al  fresco  entertainment  most  in  favor,  and  if  a 
hostess  gives  it  a progressive  character,  she  is  sure  to  score  a success. 

The  guests  all  wear  wheeling  costumes,  and  when  assembled  they  are 
invited  into  a room  where,  upon  a table,  is  set  forth  an  array  of  cheap  but 
pretty  baskets,  adorned  with  bright  ribbons  and  flowers,  Uiere  being  two 
of  each  color.  The  girls  select  from  those  pointed  out  as  “ ladies’  ” baskets, 
and  the  men  from  those  that  remain. 

Then,  according  to  the  ribbons  and  blossoms  chosen,  they  ])air  off  in 
couples,  mount  their  wheels  and  spin  away  in  procession,  the  gay  baskets 
swinging  from  their  handle-bars.  The  ride  may  be  as  long  as  desired,  but 
the  company  brings  up  at  a shady  place  chosen  beforehand  and  prepared 
for  the  occasion.  Here  the  hostess  will  have  a servant  in  attendance,  rugs 
and  cushions  spread  around  and  bottles  of  lemonade,  ginger  ale  and  mineral 
waters,  with  glasses  and  ice,  concealed  in  snug  nooks.  If,  too,  the  day  be 
cool,  a brushwood  fire  on  which  to  make  coflee  will  be  highly  appreciated. 
Now,  all  will  be  glad  to  seat  themselves,  paired  as  for  the  ride,  and  at  a 
signal,  open  the  little  hampers  and  investigate  the  dainty  luncheons  therein. 
The  food  is  carefully  wrapped  in  waxed  paper,  and  Japanese  paper  napkins 
divide  the  courses.  A hostess,  of  course,  plans  her  own  menu,  but  the  first 
articles  served  might  be  stuffed  eggs  dressed  with  mayonnaise  or  filled  with 
jDOtted  ham,  delicate  sandwiches,  pickles,  olives  and  celery.  While  enjoying 
this,  a napkin  hides  the  second  course  from  view,  but  when  this  is  removed, 
each  gentleman  finds  in  his  basket  a card  directing  him  to  change  his  place 
and  companion.  Daisies  are  ordered  to  seek  clovers,  and  asters  requested 
to  join  geraniums. 

This  creates  an  agreeable  little  diversion,  and  soon  the  newly  arranged 
couples  are,  with  fresh  zest,  making  the  broiled  chicken  of  the  second  course 
fly  faster  than  they  ever  did  in  life,  as  well  as  the  snowy  biseuits  and  crisp 
Saratoga  p(jtatoes.  This  completed,  further  directions  cause  another 
change,  and  so  on  throughout  all  this  delightful  progressive  outdoor  meal. 

The  third  course  might  well  be  a salad,  individual  portions  being  packed 
in  jelly  glasses  and  accompanied  by  cheese  straws  and  bicycle  crackers.  A 
thick  piece  of  pasteboard  should  divide  the  substantials  from  the  dessert, 
for  which  tarts,  tiny  baked  cup  custards,  the  melange  of  cut  up  oranges 
and  pineapples,  known  as  ambrosia,  and  all  the  various  kinds  of  cake  are 
suitable.  ^ Fruit,  of  course,  concludes  the  repast,  unless  coffee  is  served. 


102 


GAMES. 


Then  comes  an  hour  of  general  con  verse  and  fun  under  the  trees,  or  else 
the  company  may  try  their  wits  over  these  questions  : 

What  part  of  a bicycle  would  you  choose  for  a picture  ? The  frame. 

To  which  would  a lawyer  be  most  partial  ? The  bar. 

Which  signifies  to  feel  of  ? The  handle. 

Which  part  should  grow  weary  first  ? The  tire. 

Which  is  the  symbol  of  slavery  ? The  chain. 

Which  rhymes  with  something  a woman  rarely  has  ? The  sprocket. 

Which  part  would  a butcher  likely  choose  after  killing  a sheep  ? The 
saddle. 

Which  would  a vestal  virgin  select  ? The  lamp. 

What  is  courtes}^  sometimes  called  ? Lubricating  oil. 

Which  part  would  an  organist  mostly  use  ? The  pedal. 

Which  a pilot  ? The  wheel. 

Which  part  suggests  a queer  person  ? The  crank. 

Which  a watchman  ? The  guard. 

Which  a beautifal  woman  ? The  bell. 

Which  a boy’s  sled  ? The  coaster 

Which  a wild,  woodland  plant  ? The  brake. 

Which  table  utensils  ? The  forks. 

Which  miserly  people  ? The  screws. 

Which  a shelly  fruit  ? The  nuts. 

Which  cutting  the  nails  ? The  toe-clips. 

A useful  or  pretty  favor,  such  as  a cyclometer,  a bicycle  lamp,  a bicycle 
watch,  or  a pin  in  the  form  of  a merry  wheel  should  reward  the  one  answer- 
ing the  greatest  number  of  these  cycling  conundrums,  while  the  consolation 
prize  might  be  one  of  the  funny  Brownies  now  so  popular,  mounted  upon  a 
bike. 

Then  will  come  the  lighting  of  lanterns  and  the  pairing  off  of  couples 
the  same  as  during  the  last  course  of  the  luncheon,  read  v for  the  jolly  home- 
ward run  through  the  soft,  purple  gloaming,  which  fittingly  concludes  the 
progressive  bicycle  picnic. — The  Woman's  World. 


GAMES, 


103 


AN  AUCTION  SALE. 

For  this  game  send  invitations  requesting  the  pleasure  of  their  company 
to  an  auction  party,  the  sale  to  commence  at  9 o’clock. 

No  check  nor  money  need  you  bring, 

“ A draught  might  give  you  cold ; 

We’re  only  doing  this  for  fun, 

The  buyer  here  is  sold.” 

Have  in  one  corner  of  the  invitation,  ” Dancing  when  sale  is  over.” 

Decorate  your  rooms  with  small  red  auction  flags  and  any  other  sym- 
bols you  choose.  Take  cardboard  and  cut  out  pieces  the  size  of  25  cents, 
50  cents  and  $1.00.  Then  paste  over  these  gold  and  silver  paper,  cutting 
one  side  a little  larger  than  the  other,  so  as  to  fold  over  the  edges;  then 
paste  the  smaller  on,  having  both  sides  smooth. 

Put  50  pieces  of  this  money  in  little  bags  and  give  one  to  each  guest  as 
he  or  she  enters  the  room,  also  hand  them  a catalogue  of  the  articles  to  be 
sold,  but  do  not  add  the  title  to  them. 

The  articles  are  done  up  in  boxes,  tied  with  red  ribbon  and  carefully 
numbered. 

The  auctioneer  should  give  notice  that  the  ” Adam’s  Express  Co.”  were 
to  sell  some  unclaimed  goods,  and  with  his  bright  and  witty  remarks  on 
the  articles  he  will  cause  lively  bidding  and  much  fun  and  merriment. 

The  following  is  a catalogue  of  the  articles  to  be  sold : 

1.  A Trilby  souvenir — Silver  heart. 

2.  One  cent — A small  bottle  of  perfume. 

3.  Irish  bric-a-brac — Irish  potatoes. 

4.  Pennyworth  of  solace  and  a man’s  delight — A pipe. 

5.  Black  beaut3" — A black  doll. 

6.  Reminder  of  an  impecunious  friend — A sponge. 

7.  A marble  bust — A marble  broken. 

8.  A sharper — A knife. 

9.  An  aid  to  reflection — A mirror. 

10.  A child’s  delight — A rattle. 

11.  Before  the  deluge — Noah’s  ark. 

12.  A love-sick  couple — Two  spoons. 


104 


GAMES. 


13.  Home  of  burns — Curling  irons. 

14.  Fortune  teller — A bunch  of  daisies. 

15.  The  study  of  a head — Cabbage  head. 

16.  The  missing  links — Sleeve  links. 

17.  Clothes  press — A small  iron. 

18.  Japanese  shield — ^Japanese  parasol. 

19.  A bunch  of  dates — A calendar. 

20.  Ode  to  a setting  hen — China  egg. 

21.  Several  pairs  of  nippers — Clothes  pins. 

22.  Opera  Glasses — Tiny  opera  glasses. 

23.  A handsome  ring— A small  string  of  bells. 

24.  Rank  and  file— An  onion  and  nail  file. 

AN  AGE  PROBLEn. 

When  first  the  marriage  knot  was  tied 
Between  my  wife  and  me, 

My  age  was  to  that  of  my  bride  • 

As  three  times  three  to  three. 

But  now,  when  ten  and  half  ten  years 
We  man  and  wife  have  been, 

Her  age  to  mine  exactly  bears 
As  eight  is  to  sixteen. 

Now  tell,  I pray,  from  what  IVe  said, 

What  were  our  ages  when  we  wed? 

Ans. — His  age  was  45  and  his  wife’s  15. 

HOW  TO  TELL  ONE’S  AGE. 

A clever  way  to  find  out  one’s  age  is  to  hand  each  person  a sheet  of 
paper  and  pencil  requesting  them  first  to  put  down  the  date  of  their  birth, 
also  telling  them  not  to  let  you  see  what  figures  they  put  down.  When  all 
are  finished  have  each  in  turn  read  their  answer.  If  they  give  their  right 
age  and  dates,  you  can  tell  by  the  answer  what  figures  the^'  put  down. 
After  putting  down  the  date  of  their  birth,  tell  them  to  multiply  it  by  two, 
then  add  seven,  multiply  by  fifty,  then  tell  them  to  add  their  age,  next  sub- 


GAMES, 


105 


tract  365,  multiply  this  by  100,  next  add  the  number  of  the  month  born. 
For  example,  if  in  January  it  would  be  the  first  month,  then  add  one,  then 
add  1,500.  The  following  is  an  example  of  how  it  should  be  done: 

28  The  date  of  birth. 

2 

56 
7 

63 
50 

3150 

64  The  age. 

3214 
365 

2849 
100 

284900 

1 No.  of  month  born 

284901 
1500 

286401 

ENIGMA. 

In  giving  this  enigma  first  tell  the  number  of  letters  in  the  proverb,  then 
give  the  number  of  figures,  and  the  meaning  of  the  word,  (each  number  rep- 
resents a letter,)  the  party  then  will  guess  the  word  and  write  it  out. 
When  all  are  finished,  there  will  be  twenty  letters  in  the  five  words,  from 
these  words  make  out  the  proverb.  The  following  is  the  enigma. 

The  whole,  composed  of  20  letters,  is  a familiar  proverb : 

The  4- 7-6-9  is  the  thread  of  a screw. 

The  5-13-20  is  a boys  nickname. 

The  10-8-11-15  is  something  a farmer  does. 

The  14-12-1-16-18  is  repose. 

The  17-3-19-2  is  meat. 

Ans. — A new  broom  sweeps  clean. 


The  first  two 
figures  gives  the 
date  of  birth, 
the  second  two 
the  age  and  the 
last  the  date  of 
the  month. 

These  figures 
read,  born  on 
the  28th  day  of 
the  month,  64 
years  old,  and 
in  January,  the 
first  month  of 
the  year. 


100 


TRICKS. 


SOkCERY. 

This  is  a somewhat  singular  trick.  One  of  the  party  is  placed  behind  a 
screen  in  an  adjoining  room,  where  he  cannot  possibly  see  the  players — or 
may  be  blindfolded.  One  of  the  party  must  then  call  out,  “Do  you  know 

Miss ?“  naming  a lady’s  name.  “Yes.”  “Do  you  know  her  dress  ? “ 

“Yes.”  “Her  wreath,  her  slippers,  her  gloves  and  her  bracelets  ? ” “Yes.” 
“Her  handkerchief?”  “Yes.”  “Her  fan?”  “Yes.”  “Well,  then,  since 
you  know  her  dress  so  well,  tell  me  what  article  of  her  costume  I am  now 
touching?”  If  the  one  behind  the  screen  is  acquainted  with  the  trick,  he 
will,  of  course,  answer  directly,  “her  bracelet,”  the  only  article  mentioned 
which  has  the  word  “and  ” before  it. 

EATABLE  CANDLE=ENDS. 

Take  a large  apple  and  cut  out  a few  pieces  in  the  shape  of  candle-ends, 
round  at  the  bottom  and  flat  at  the  top,  in  fact,  as  much  like  a piece  of 
candle  as  possible.  Now  cut  some  slips  from  a sweet  almond,  as  near  as 
you  can  to  resemble  a wick,  and  stick  them  into  the  imitation  candles. 
Light  them  for  an  instant  to  make  the  tops  black,  blow  them  oujt,  and  they 
are  ready  for  the  trick.  One  or  two  should  be  artfully  placed  in  a snufler 
tray,  or  candlestick ; 3^ou  then  inform  your  friends  that  during  your 
“travels  in  the  Russian  Empire,”  you  learned,  like  the  Russians,  to  be  fond 
of  candles ; at  the  same  time  lighting  your  artificial  candles  (the  almonds 
will  readily  take  fire  and  flame  for  a few  seconds),  pop  them  into  your 
mouth,  and  swallow  them  one  after  the  other. 

THE  DIVINER. 

The  point  of  this  trick  consists  in  divining  a word  which  is  named,  to- 
gether with  several  others.  Two  of  the  players  commonly  agree  between 
themselves  to  place  it  after  an  object  that  has  four  legs ; for  instance,  a 
quadruped,  a table,  etc.,  etc. 

Example. — If  Emily  wishes  to  have  Henry  guess  the  word  which  Susan 
has  secretly  told  her,  she  says  to  him,  “ Susan  has  been  shopping;  she  has 

bought  a rose,  a dress,  some  jewelry,  a table,  a bonnet,  a shawl ” 

Henry,  of  course,  will  easily  guess  that  the  object  in  question  is  a bonnet, 
for  the  word  “ table,''  which  precedes  it,  has  four  legs. 

The  tricks  on  page  46b,  about  the  Brazil  nut,  is  often  played  with  the 
above  tricks. 


